To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

I gave birth just with the midwife 21 years ago. Dh couldn't get there...he was looking after dd. Wasn't an issue...got a taxi to hospital in the middle of the night

I'm booked in for a c section in June, and am prepared for partner not to be there. We have a son who was going to be looked after by his grandparents.

In an ideal world, it would be nice to have my partner there. The world is far from ideal right now. If his not being there reduces risk to other babies and mothers, not to mention staff, then that's what has to happen. I just want to get my baby out safely and bring her home ASAP. That's my main concern.

The hospital I work in has produced a patient leaflet for women saying that they are only allowed one birth partner. The leaflet also says women may not be able to have an epidural as the anaesthetists may be busy in other areas.

Another one here who has given birth alone with just a midwife popping in an out. It was fine.

It’s much more to do with expectations than an actual need for support IMO.

I understand it is not ideal but people will be dying alone in hospitals without family and that is far far worse.

Wow I have never heard such awful comments to a pregnant women who is clearly feeling vulnerable. It is heartbreaking to read. I’m a front line pregnant nurse in the nhs & everything is being stripped back.this poor lady has a right to be upset. None of you have hopefully ever given birth in such times, but yet you put in your two pence.
Please OP don’t listen to these women, speak to your midwife or health visitor if you are scared.

Why have an audience while giving birth? It’s a modern fashion. Up until 30-40 years ago men were not present at the birth of their children.

Interesting to see the polar responses here. I'd really like people who are not currently pregnant to try to have some empathy for currently pregnant women.

We got pregnant under one set of rules and imagined our pregnancies and births a certain way, the rules have now changed and we have no say in any of it.

So can we try to moderate the 'suck it up' attitude please?

I understand the logic behind it but no dad should be deprived of the right to see their child born.

And here is the problem in a nutshell.

Firstly: Whatever about the mother, the father does not have a right to see his child born. If there is emergency medical intervention, he has no right. If the mother doesn't want him there, he has no right. If he is potentially carrying a deadly disease, he has no right.

Secondly, birth is a process which involves getting the baby out of the human body. It is not a religious experience, it is not the most important part of parenthood and it is not something where the joy of the experience should outweigh medical priorities. The aim is to get the baby out safely. When I had my EMCS, they didn't wait for DH to get there because it was medically unsafe to wait so I had the baby on my own.

People have to stop prioritising their personal wants over the needs of others.

Otherwise this virus is never going to get under control.

You have a few months to get to know some of your midwives, then they won't be total strangers. That may not be helpful but it's the only way around it I can think of.

Hope by the time you give birth this lock down willbe over.

The leaflet also says women may not be able to have an epidural as the anaesthetists may be busy in other areas.

That would worry me much more than DH not being there

Hope you're OK OP and have got some real life support?
And maybe posters could remember that this OP is understandably distressed and be sensitive when posting?

@Stelmariah Maybe this will spark a trend to not have dads present even after this is over?

To be fair I only really had DH because I felt I ‘had to’- it’s such an ingrained social norm now.

Although appreciate other women aren’t happy without the dad there

These are uncertain times, so unfortunately you may have to suck it up OP, but I do really feel for you and any woman in similar circumstances. Not going to give you my story, but just to say it's not true that all midwives are lovely. Some are pure gold. Some aren't and many threads on here have demonstrated the need to sometimes have an advocate.

However I have had my mother with me twice and both times it was pointless. Same with ex. Useless. I was better off talking for myself.

What matters is that you have a healthy baby at the end of the day. Try not to worry.

A c section is considered stomach surgery actually. And it's bloody painful.

When my DS was due, there was a flu epidemic. Not as bad as this, but everyone was worried.

The midwife listened to the frightened queries at her antenatal clinic, then showed us a news article about the floods in Mozambique, where a woman had given birth in a tree. It happened again a few years ago:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-47803565

Women are strong; we cope.

So glad some sympathetic posters have turned up. There are some really horrible messages on this thread. How dare people who are not in this situation themselves be so bloody callous. Even if you CHOSE to do this without your partner, that was your choice, it wasn’t imposed on you.

Yes we know there is a pandemic and people are dying, that means it is even more important to be kind.

My due date is this week, I don't want to give birth on my own but I'm preparing myself that if I do I do, It's no ones fault if I do it's just the circumstances right now, can only hope that I don't but I think it's best to mentally prepare for the possibility

A c section is considered stomach surgery actually.

Actually, I think you'll find it's considered abdominal surgery.

Beat me to it pigs.

Even if you CHOSE to do this without your partner, that was your choice, it wasn’t imposed on you. It wasn't my choice, the hospital where I gave birth to my first didn't let partners stay, not uncommon back in the early 70s. I was just 18 and terrified but it was OK. Would it be better to tell the OP it was horrific and I was traumatised for life?

No its not ok OP, nothing about this is ok and its ok to be upset and worried about it but for now it sadly is the right decision. The less people in hospitals the better

Due to a midwife not believing I was in labour I gave birth alone and in many ways it was easier because I could focus on myself. You are strong enough to get through it

@Alsohuman

When did birth become a spectator sport?
Some point in the 70s/80s.

Birth was historically see as a female only event. I'd bet in some countries it still is seen as female only.

I think if one positive come out of this sorry affair it's a reduction on the whole 'entitled' culture that people in the west seem to have.

The leaflet also says women may not be able to have an epidural as the anaesthetists may be busy in other areas

This has always been the case though. An anaesthetist being available has never been guaranteed.