To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

To be fair, i don’t see the issue. your partner can’t do much anyway, and looking at the behaviour of many men on the post natal ward - good riddance.
It reduces risks by exactly 50%, so worth it.

They are not alone. They are with their midwife or doctor. They just don’t have a birth partner.

by that definition, most women at least 2nd, or 3rd etc mothers are giving birth alone because fathers look after older DC. I gave birth alone as DH was looking after DC1. only, I wasn't. I had a midwife with me. Neither will the women giving birth 'alone' as described in your post. YABU!

I guess they are in crisis mode that’s why. I doubt it’s about women’s rights or anyone’s feelings. They are just trying to keep mother and baby safe with well protected health care workers present only at birth. Desperate times means how we typically run things have to change. I don’t think feelings or preferred birthing plans count right now in many areas. Its not personal, or an attack on anyone just safety measures.

@chocoholico exactly. giving birth with a dedicated professional is fine. and the absence of all the rude idiots on the post natal ward alone is well worth it

If your partner has the infection but you don't yet you can't pass it on to the hospital staff but your partner can.
Is that easy to understand?

I had my first in early 70s and wasn't allowed to have anyone with me, some hospitals were starting to do it. It worried me but it was fine and when he was with me for the next one I found him a bit distracting and was less able to focus on me. When the lovely young student midwife put her arms round him as the registrar was doing his magic with forceps I was thrilled to hear her saying, "It's the dads I feel sorry for."

I used to work with a woman who gave birth under the kitchen table during a air raid while he husband was fighting in France. Women can do amazing things.

I assume the hospitals have their reasons for not wanting more people around so I think you have to trust them.

OP I know it is a scary time. I’m sorry you’re going through this at this point, it’s rotten luck for anyone who finds themselves pregnant in a war or a natural disaster or a pandemic. I do count this as similar as all the comforting things that were available are now not.

Midwives and doctors need to be kept safe as do other women and babies on the unit. It is perfectly possible for someone to be a carrier and their partner not. We can’t socially distance when it comes to acute healthcare (outside of Covid-19 reasons for why anyone might need care, people are still ill, or giving birth). So we need to reduce that risk of face to face contact as much as possible. And that means not allowing anyone into the ward who is not the person being treated.

There is a lot of info online and NHS choices has a lot of videos that are useful. I hope that you are looked after well, have a quick recovery and get to go home soon afterwards. Postnatal care is still happening even if a lot of it is phone calls.

Love from a very tired Midwife

I gave birth to one of mine at New Year, the woman in the next room had her husband with her, he was so drunk they took an extra bed in and he slept it off. I'm sure he was a great support to her. I'd have been tempted to brain him.

Are you actually ok OP?

I understand your plans have been thrown into jeopardy but you really need to try and calm down.

You WILL be ok. If your partner gets Covid in the hospital he can't help you at home.

Midwives are awesome. Please try to work on your awful comments about them and build your relationship.

Stories from NYC are very bad at the moment. The mayor was appealing for ventilators yesterday. That's pretty sobering.

I am a child of the early 60s, as is my elder brother - Our df was not with my dm when we were born, dm says thank god! fwiw, me and db have never felt a lack of love, affection or connection with our wonderful dad, please dont worry if you are in the position of about to give birth, all that matters is the safe arrival of your baby, everything else will follow on just as always.

It isn't the same as years ago. Even then men were allowed to come and see their wives and children. Presumably the whole time you are in hospital you'll be alone. Might be okay if you're only in for a few hours but I'm due a section and last time I had to stay 2 nights. No way I'd be comfortable being on my own for that long. Also how am I meant to carry my baby out to the car when I've just major stomach surgery?

There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to

It used to be the norm. The world’s become a different place this week.

In the U.K. they are only allowing one person in the birthing room now instead of two

@Leeah I think that's fine just hoe they don't stop that

Well it makes sense, and quite right to say that men used to not be in the birthing room. However, what also used to happen then was that women usually stayed in for a week to recover and had far more available contact time than you'd get in hospital now. Everybody knows full well that in our understaffed maternity units, partners aren't just there to hold hands, they're an extra pair of eyes and hands to help with the caring.

This may be the right decision, but it will mean a rise in complications, and a rise in women refusing to go in if they know they won't have their partner with them - quite rightly, women might decide they're more at risk alone in an understaffed unit than at home with their family.

Rosebel Tue 24-Mar-20 12:23:18
It isn't the same as years ago. Even then men were allowed to come and see their wives and children. Presumably the whole time you are in hospital you'll be alone. Might be okay if you're only in for a few hours but I'm due a section and last time I had to stay 2 nights. No way I'd be comfortable being on my own for that long. Also how am I meant to carry my baby out to the car when I've just major stomach surgery?
...
I'm sure husband or whoever you want can wait outside for you and guide you to the car.

You won't be having stomach surgery for goodness sakes! The uterus is in the abdomen not the stomach.

I despair of some of us who are mothers or about to be, what on earth was ever learned at school about human anatomy? I'm no Einstein but even I know the difference between 'stomach' and 'abdomen'. Sheesh!
I suppose some would say 'tummy' .

If husband are banned from labour (which I do think is sad), at least they won't be lurking around and causing stress to other patients on the post natal wards.

I gave birth alone and was dreading it but actually found it more relaxed and the midwives were amazing!

Some hospital trusts have online antenatal classes and I found those better than the actual ones and theres always Youtube. The actual how to look after a baby is fairly straight forward and I just did it on autopilot.

I wouldn't however give birth alone as DH saved me from another 24 hours of agony and probably our baby from brain damage by demanding a c section when he did. I was pretty much abandoned by the midwives who didn't get the doctor back when they should and I was unable to communicate effectively by that point.

Postnatal is fine on your own, hard work but not life threatening. I could have probably even managed to get my bag and the baby to the car (but only because I was so keen to leave). But not the car seat.

@mrssunshinexxx I hope so too, my friend is due to give birth anytime now. She had a traumatic first birth she’s very scared

Stepping back and looking what you are saying, you are saying that if you don't have the person who got you pregnant with you for the birth, you don't want the baby or yourself to live?

You think your DP/DH would prefer it if you were both dead if he can't be there? That he's more important in the birth process because he can hold your hand than having people trained for years to recognise fetal distress, deliver babies in less than ideal positionings, to recognise placental abruption, the cord around the neck, a cardiac arrest, to resuscitate a woman and/or baby, to provide emergency lifesaving surgery, oxygen, pain relief, blood transfusion, to protect against deaths from infection and haemorrhage, to not panic but to get baby out and safe and Mum alive and safe?

Seriously? Try telling him you were thinking of killing the baby and yourself in the most painful, traumatic and horrific manner possible because he might not be able to hold your hand, whether for a general 'no birth partners' ruling (unlikely) or if he gets ill in the meantime.

See what he says.

I'm willing to bet it isn't 'No you're right. Come on, I'll drive you to the nearest railway bridge now before the curfew kicks in. Nice knowing you'.

It's an awful situation. I feel heart sorry for these women and their partner's. Sadly it is better than risking the baby catching the virus or the new Mother. Heart breaking though, couldn't imagine my partner not being with me.

There’s a killer pandemic sweeping through out the world.

Sorry but no dad has the ‘right’ to see his child be born and it’s absolutely not about the rights to ‘watch a birth’ for a man

This is about women being denied their support partner who is at the birth for HER benefit (and this isn’t limited to dads anyway, some women have their mother there instead etc)

Unfortunately I think if they’re enforcing this then it’s because it’s absolutely necessary for e safety of everyone but I really feel for the women.

I wonder how birth rights in general are being affected by this- what about women choosing a c section for mental health etc? I do hope there’s not a spike in women suffering ptsd from birth at this time