To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

It’s awful thy should definitely be allowed hubbies there, also takes pressure off nurses to have husbands help pass baby and look after mum.

For both my deliveries my DH was as much use as a chocolate teapot. Not his fault, but it was the doc and midwives I was focused on to get both my kids born safely.

The situation is not ideal of course, but it's unprecedented times so there we go

Yeah I'm one of them, but I give birth the first time with mum and partner then second time, was alone completely for his head and with staff but no partner in the delivery suite to finish and tbh 30 mins after each it was all forgotten.

Honestly this is one of my worst fears. I’m due May and so stressed by this situation. I planned to have just my partner with me whilst my mother watched my first. Hopefully I can have a home birth.

Some of the responses are severely lacking in empathy though. Yes years ago women birthed alone but now we have support. Take a second to appreciate how scary giving birth can be anyway without adding in the added anxiety of Covid-19. OP

We all know how scary it can be. We’re simply pointing out that it’s not necessary for fathers to be there and, in the current situation, it may not be desirable or safe. The important thing is surely to have a safe delivery and a healthy baby.

@GinUnicorn I'd advise you check with your Trust re home birth. I'd planned one since finding out I was pregnant but my NHS home birth team have as of today been suspended.

I'm currently trying to see if I can get an independent mw to help me with my home birth.

Hope you can still get your home birth x

Women have coped for centuries and quite frankly when you are at that stage who gives a fuck who is there anyway, I certainly didn't - had much more pressing issues on my mind to worry if DH was happy tbh.
Not everything in life is picture perfect - just be thankful that you have a healthy baby.

Honestly, if this is your first birth, all that birth-coaching, birth-partner stuff they give your partner is really just to give them something to do. In the early stages of labour Dad might be useful for handing you things or carrying your stuff. But when crunch time comes having that hand to hold seems pretty irrelevant. You are right down in the birthing zone at that point and the only people who can really meet you there are the professionals. A lot of women don't even want to be touched or talked to when they are labouring. So I would try not to stress about whether he is there or not. Our NHS midwives are awesome and they will take care of you. Far better to have a trained, healthy midwife with you than a clueless and frightened partner.

Take a deep breath and remember that women have been giving birth without men in the room for thousands of years, and the other women in the room will be there for you and support you and make sure you and your baby are safe. And try to remember that it's not about the experience anyway. There ar only two goals in childbirth that matter: a healthy mother and a healthy baby. If that's your result it has been a success, whether it went as you expected or hoped or not. Healthy mother, healthy baby. That's all that matters.

Good luck! I'm sure you are going to walk out with a beautiful baby and be a great mother!

@RainMinusBow they are encouraging home births here. At the moment anyway. Hope you are doing okay. Whole situation is so stressful I’d be anxious without pregnancy but add that into the mix and it’s through the roof.

@GinUnicorn I hear you with the anxiety! Currently got a fiancé with a catheter in situ after emergency spinal surgery (don't know if bladder function will return) and a custody battle with my ex who has taken my two boys and is failing to return them. Day 10 without them tomorrow 😢

@WhoToTell my baby is due in May and already my hospital have said that birth partners will have to leave straight after the birth and then they will not be allowed to visit at all they're only allowed back to pick us up! Also if I have to be induced he won't be able to be there until I'm in actual labour!
I think it's horrible I don't care if women have been doing it without their husband there that is not how I want to do it and seeing as tho we're both isolating at home and not seeing anyone else and neither of us are ill i don't see why him being there is a problem! Also the midwife won't be with me the whole time and they're gonna be busy and if my husband isn't there either then everytime I need something the midwife will have to come and surely that puts more pressure on them!
Sorry for the rant but I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now and my first Labour was traumatic and I can't go through that again by myself and I also know that there are obviously bigger problems at the moment but that doesn't minimise my feelings or any other expectant mothers feelings

@Babymamma192 can I ask which NHS trust this is? I'm also due in May but have yet to see MW for the next appt.

I needed my husband to advocate for me as I was unable to do so for myself. That’s the whole point in having a birthing partner so YANBU.

@selfisolatingsince2007 it's Liverpool Women's Hospital they have updated their website today. Hope you're hospital is doing things differently

If anyone is reading this worried about giving birth alone I just wanted to tell my positive experience of just me and MW.

It was very calm just to have me and her as it was just about getting the baby out with no distractions. Also DD and I were alone together for her first few minutes which felt very peaceful and loving. With my other DC my husband was actually quite annoying with his "push push" so it felt good to not have someone giving unhelpful instructions!

Obvs not everyone might have a good experience but i wanted to help anyone feeling anxious xx

Looks like for now Kingston Hospital is allowing one birth partner. Hoping it stays that way!

I had a baby when my husband was in the. Forces. Husbands were not allowed to be present . I preferred to be alone and there is no way he would have wanted to be there anyway. I can understand nowadays women wanting their husbands there. but for me I would sooner do it alone.

For all of you who are expecting this must be very scary. I also would have been anxious in your situation.

But, I could have done it alone, I went into a zone and DH might as well have not been there. the midwives were the ones who helped get me through it. If I faced this now, I would be nervous but not scared.

If you end up in the situation - you can do this!

It's fine. Lots of countries still do not allow men in the labour ward.
You need a medical professional at that time. You don't need your partner.

People are dying alone. Most hospitals have a no visitors policy so people who are very ill, scared and dying are alone without their families and loved ones around them. They will likely be aware they may die.
I think you are unreasonable to expect this rule to be different in women who are giving birth.
Partners will lie about being symptomatic in order to be present and will then put all the staff and other women and their babies at risk.
Pregnant women are considered high risk for a reason.

Following this logic, do you think we'll be placed on communal post natal wards?
That doesn't seem safe either. Surely that rule should be changed now?
As I explained up thread, I am fucking petrified of giving birth without my husband there. The midwife I had last time was useless. He was the one who got the doctors to attend - and thank God he did or me and my son would be dead now.
Also, I was left in agony for hours before being taken to the labour ward. If it wasn't for him getting the nurse, I'd have had no pain relief, and certainly no top up when it wore off.
It's ok for those of you who had straightforward births to say partners are not needed. It's also easy for those of you not pregnant and facing this to tell us how we can all cope.
Perhaps we'll have ready access to testing soon, so that partners and pregnant women can be tested when they go in. I certainly hope so.

People are dying alone. That is far worse

It also makes zero sense. These 2 people entering a hospital are normally either living together or have spent a whole lot of time in each other's company. Therefore,whatever 1 person has got it is pretty likely the other has as well - or vice versa. So surely not allowing birthing partners in is just pointless?

Had it been left to my ex, I and my baby would have been dead - he didn't want to have a hospital birth at all. He wanted his birth experience to be special.

I went to the antenatal appointment at the hospital and didn't leave, because he was going on about how 'natural' it would be to give birth in the forest and we could just get in the car and go where no strangers would interfere with 'us'. In Late November.

Breech presentation, cord wrapped around the neck. One calm and organised section later, he was still miffed that the Sheila Kitzinger experience he had been taught by his mother was the Only Way Children Should Be Born had been deprived him.

His subsequent children were both born by section, too. Strangely, his later partner also wanted to live and valued having medical professionals present more than she did him.

Hardly straightforward births. Well, they wouldn't have been; they'd have been fatal, were it not for 'strangers' being a whole lot more fucking important than him and his feels.

"Therefore,whatever 1 person has got it is pretty likely the other has as well - or vice versa"

Surely that's true only if both of them have been in SI in the run up to delivery?

If the birthing partner has been out and about, then they are not at the me stage. If they are incubating it, yes they might pass it to their partner and newborn. But they should not pass it to the staff and surfaces and risk contaminating a whole ward. That is why it's essential only. And essential isn't a synonym for highly desirable/beneficial)