To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

At a time when even the terminally ill are having to die alone, cancer patients are being denied all treatment including chemotherapy and elderly people in Spain have been abandoned by staff and left to die en masses in deserted care homes I really think that we need to accept that normal practices have been suspended.

This. This sums it all up.

And as for people whinging about others being allowed out to go to work; unless you want things to rapidly descend into the hunger games, then some people need to go to work. We need basic services to function; electricity & water, food supply chains, waste disposal, telecommunications, emergency services, scientists (y’know the ones developing a vaccine).

A c section is considered stomach surgery actually.

No it isn’t. The stomach is an actual organ. It’s where your food goes. Both the stomach and the uterus are in the abdomen, which is a general area of the body, therefore, a C-section is abdominal surgery. The stomach and the uterus are at opposite ends of the abdomen.

There's a lot of bitchness over my choice of a word. Fine it's abdominal surgery. Does that make everyone happy? I don't know why I come on here for support you've all made me feel rubbish. So if your intention was to upset a heavily pregnant woman who's already upset congratulations

Jesus! The poor Op is just scared of giving birth on her own, like most would! Some of you chose to give birth alone, that’s fine. Op isn’t choosing this, giving birth is so physically, mentally & emotional exhausting. Why is it so bad she’d want to be compete by someone she knows/loves. Have some compassion. I’m sorry Op

Comforted by someone she knows *^^

Desperate times
Desperate measures
And they will have midwives there
YABU

@Rosebel

Believe it or not, more people have more on their minds right now. It’s not all about you.

*most

I didn't say it was. I asked why people were being so bitchy. I don't really care that you're all being so vile just wondered if it made you feel good. Obviously it does.

And as for people whinging about others being allowed out to go to work; unless you want things to rapidly descend into the hunger games, then some people need to go to work. We need basic services to function; electricity & water, food supply chains, waste disposal, telecommunications, emergency services, scientists (y’know the ones developing a vaccine

If this is aimed at me, I’m not “whinging” about key workers going out. My husband is out there in the front line as a doctor treating people. But yes I will fucking whinge about construction continuing at a time when NHS workers are risking their lives, people can’t visit the terminally ill, and any number of other sacrifices - including giving birth alone.

I actually agree with the quote you posted. I just think restrictions should be tighter.

Doesn't take very long for people to forget #benice does it?

Yes, the world is shit at the moment, really, really shit. I am as terrified as the next person of my loved ones dying alone and being unable to say goodbye and acknowledge that hospital policy will have to change.

But it is possible to acknowledge that some one can be scared about something else that is pretty damn reasonable to be scared about as well?

Giving birth, especially to your first, can be scary at the best of times. Let alone now. It is not unreasonable to be scared to face it alone. Give the woman a break ffs.

OP, I'm pregnant too. I'm scared too. I have the slight advantage that mine is number 2. You will get through it. I had a high risk pregnancy with number one and drove myself to insomnia with worry. The best bit of advice I can offer I'd get off the internet for anything other than ox sets and talking to prople who will support you. Stop googling anything other than 'positive birth stories'. Stop talking to strangers in message boards, some of whom seem incapable of extending empathy (probably because they are dealing with their own stress at the changes now). Resolve to do everything you can to get through it because you will.

Id be terrified op
Even with corona, its horrible and nasty to make women birth alone in fear and no the midwives dont cut it in stopping or helping fear. For me they just added to it

@RenegadeMrs agree with you! Some women don't cope the same way as others, everyone and every pregnancy is different!

It's just a thread to offer up opinions, its very possible to share them with kindness and care instead of nastiness.

Even with corona, its horrible and nasty to make women birth alone in fear.

No it isn't. Most of our grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc., did it. It might not be the OP's ideal choice, but it's neither horrible or nasty.

The OP is clearly struggling, implying that something many women have done and still do all over the world is unacceptable and awful is not really necessary, and a bit unkind.

As many have already pointed out having partners or other support people at a birth is a relatively new thing. You wouldn't have had a choice once. Women coped before, and they will have to cope again. The "complete strangers" are professionals and will be of far more use than any birthing partner.

These are strange times and we have to deal with it as best we can.

OP I know this is horrible and you said you didn’t want this baby anymore, but once you give birth your only attention will be on him or her. Yes it’s sad you can’t share the experience. But one day when they are an adult you can tell him or her that they saved lives by this

I'm sorry OP. It may not come to that in the UK and I hope it doesn't.

If it does, all the midwives I've ever had contact with in the labour ward (and I spent a surprisingly long time there) were lovely.

@steff13
I think minimising OPs feelings because “great grandmothers gave birth this way” is unkind actually.
A lot of things that happened during childbirth in yesteryear are now considered undesirable or dangerous and so practices have changed. All this banging on about the old days is so unhelpful.

@HillAreas

It really isn’t unhelpful and trying to draw parallels with childbirth practices of the past that were dangerous is being deliberately obtuse. We are in unprecedented times; a war-like situation and national emergencies have been declared across the world. Telling people that they cannot have a birth partner to restrict the spread of a deadly virus and save lives is a small sacrifice in the grand scheme of things (although most people acknowledge that it may be upsetting on an individual level).

And a general comment; #bekind is being misused left right and centre at the moment to excuse and deflect selfish behaviour.

Re bonding, my dh didn’t see dd1 until she was a week old. We were living in a country where hospital provision was so dire, I had come back to the U.K. to have her - for 6 weeks before and 6 weeks afterwards.
He flew back for a few days to see her after the birth.

We were together all through, in a different country, for dd2, but he bonded with them both exactly the same.

So please, don’t anybody worry on that score.

Yes it’s sad you can’t share the experience. But one day when they are an adult you can tell him or her that they saved lives by this

There is some wisdom in this. Can you try to own it to feel empowered? You can absolutely do this, you are a strong woman and you don't need someone to hold your hand. You will also still be doing it together with your baby so you do have family present.

@FloconDeNeige
Not drawing parallels as such, just pointing out that things change and move on. Something acceptable 50 years ago isn’t seen as acceptable now so people trying to make out that being upset by it is “selfish/get a grip/you’re not entitled to your feelings” etc is just shitty.

That’s not the same as saying the decision itself is wrong. I just have a problem with the way some posters are trying to belittle OP and her legitimate feelings.

It’s very #BeKind of you to acknowledge that the situation is upsetting to individuals, even if you do ruin it in the next breath by insinuating the OP is selfish again.

I said ‘as a general comment’ to specifically delineate that I wasn’t making it as a direct response to the OP, so I haven’t ‘ruined’ anything.

Yes, and you chose to make that “general comment” here, on this thread, instead of on your twitter or wherever so no point in the wide eyed look now.

I also don’t think that people, on the whole, are trying to belittle the OP. They are trying to give a sense of perspective and proportion.

Unless the OP has mental health difficulties, which she’s made no mention of despite being asked several times, then saying she might as well jump in front of a train because she can’t have a birth partner, is very self-absorbed and really quite offensive, given that 1000s of people are dying alone right now.

#bekind works both ways.