To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

Oh God I just realised you are pregnant op! I'm so sorry, my post was badly timed I thought it was just a general discussion 🤦‍♀️

I've reported my post, I'm so sorry that was really shitty of me

I am due in 3 weeks, hoping for the best but also preparing to be on my own if this happens here.

We are in the middle of a pandemic, the rules are different. Yes I will be devestated but will have to accept it if this does happen.

I gave birth in Leeds. The only time my midwife left my side was to get the drugs I’d asked for, and have them signed off by the dr on call. Shift swap happened in my room and I participated.

I’d have no problem being alone with staff.

2nd birth was different as it was a section for medical reasons. There were many, many more people in that room. I think I had 5 dedicated staff and DD2 had 3 of her own.

My point wasn't to scare anyone. These are my fears for my baby. It's wasn't intending to upset others but it's just how I feel, what I'm worried about based on my past experiences. Maybe I'm just being stupid but was hoping for a bit of reassurance rather than to be had a go at.

OP, people with horror stories tend to tell everyone and women with good experiences aren't memorable. Plenty of us had straightforward births and lovely midwifes and/or doctors. I was induced for two days and they offered me an epidural at the beginning. I wasn't in pain. I was given lots of attention, cups of tea and had smiling, friendly nurses/midwifes and doctors. I felt very well cared for.

Sure hope they don't change this in the NHS, right now its the same, two partners in birth centres which is where I plan on delivering in May. Sure hope it's all ok for anyone giving birth at this crazy time.

My oldest friend had 3 homebirths. Didn't even use paracetamol. Every birth was easy and all children were born with a handful of pushes. She didn't find it painful till the really end. No episiotemy, no problems, just moan when pushing, have baby, have placenta, cuddle with cute new baby.

Having seen the horror stories about midwives on here, no way would I want to be left at their mercy without a protector and advocate, under ANY circumstance.

It’s only fairly recently that men are expected to be present at deliveries...I did not have babies’ father at any of their births and the midwives were great,. If this is needed to contain virus spread so be it; women gave birth with only other women in attendance for generations. That is not ‘giving birth alone’.

DH met DD2 when she was 2 weeks old. No bonding problems whatsoever. (In fact he did a lot of cuddling of her for a few weeks after that, as we tried to convince toddler DD1 that the strange man wasn't scary.. he had been away for 7 months.) DD2 is the complete Daddy's girl, and she's 7 now.

It's very natural to feel scared of the unknown. I knew the whole pregnancy I would likely give birth without DH. I had time to process it. Hopefully, you ladies facing it currently will take some comfort from the stories of women who have done it alone before.

I gave birth to DD2 alone. Just me and the midwife. It was a very calm experience.

At a time when even the terminally ill are having to die alone, cancer patients are being denied all treatment including chemotherapy and elderly people in Spain have been abandoned by staff and left to die en masses in deserted care homes I really think that we need to accept that normal practices have been suspended.

I gave birth 19/3. Csection
Although the staff were amazing I would have been lost without my DP. Because he was there I was able to focus on getting better sbd was discharged the following day. One person is necessary.

One person is necessary

One person is nice. A midwife is the only necessity.

There are silver linings if DH had missed the birth then at least he would never have watched me poop everywhere 😂

I'll add to my other post after thinking about this. While its important for the mother to have the birth she wants, these are indeed strange times. I just know that I would really want the love of my life there supporting me and seeing our girl come into the world. But, we need to look out for the NHS and the staff that take care of us, too.

Before I had dd I would have absolutely been terrified---- of this.

Whilst having dd I realised how bloody useless it was even having my very supportive dh there. He just stood there like a lemon saying oooo nearly there oh what she's gone back in again.
The Midwife's on the other hand. Essential. I'm not sure but in NY do you have the same midwife the whole way through pregnancy rather than it being a stranger anyway? Mine was a stranger and couldn't care less by the time dd actually saw the world

@tangeriney
Totally agree. I thought having my dh and dm would be important aspects of my birth experience. However, I was that much in the zone that I couldn't have cared less.

Op, Please don't worry about this. It's not nice not to have a choice but it's not the end of the world. Have you spoken to your midwife/ obs about how you're feeling more generally? If the rules are still in place then perhaps your dh can be there via Skype/ FaceTime?

I imagine one of the problems with "birth partners" is that they don't stay glued to the woman in labour's side but wander around using bathrooms, drinking cups of tea, preparing themselves snacks, touching things, expecting to sleep on the postnatal ward overnight in a chair afterwards.

You only have to read the threads on here to see what a bloody nuisance many of them are.

RainMinusBow Tue 24-Mar-20 18:04:40
As soon as I knew I was pregnant I decided on a home birth. If I hear that home births are being scrapped whilst all this is going on then OK, but I am not going into hospital.

I think a midwife possibly has a duty of care to attend but if not I will have no choice but to deliver the baby myself.
......
I'm impressed. I hope it all goes well.

AkexaAmbidextra: "I imagine one of the problems with "birth partners" is that they don't stay glued to the woman in labour's side but wander around using bathrooms, drinking cups of tea, preparing themselves snacks, touching things, expecting to sleep on the postnatal ward overnight in a chair afterwards."
...
Yes, that is so weird. I didn't know it went on until I started posting on here. when I had mine husband was with me during labour, then came to the post natal ward while I settled in, then went off to work. Nobody's husband stayed (thankfully).

I'm due a c section in October and would prefer to give birth alone than having relatives in the theatre potentially infecting obstetricians

Saying things like ”oh I would never give birth without my partner because I’ve heard X about midwives” is unhelpful when the OP is fragile and terrified. She doesn’t have a choice, unfortunately, so perhaps hold those thoughts right now. She’s very vulnerable.

OP, can you phone your midwife and talk about how you’re feeling? It’s worrying that you’re so low and there is support out there. Take care of yourself.