To think it's not ok to make women give birth alone?

[WhoToTell]

A hospital system in New York is now not letting women in labour have their partner or support person present. This seems absolutely cruel and goes against WHO recommendations. AIBU to think that this is not OK? There is no way I would feel safe and comfortable giving birth with only complete strangers around and no one to advocate for me if I was unable to.

edition.cnn.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-new-york-hospital-childbirth-no-visitors/index.html

There's no point picking a fight wishesmadeonstars because I think we're broadly on the same page.

But people in all walks of life are being asked to make enormous sacrifices, and having a birth that isn't quite how you planned seems pretty low down the list. Especially when it's necessary to keep mothers and hospital staff safe.

Absolutely it’s a sacrifice for safety and what it is most important currently.

But it is also a massive shame for women and I feel it does extend beyond simply not having a birth the way you wanted it, the experience of giving birth stays with most women forever and has a massive influence on mental health in motherhood and life in general from that point onwards. As I’ve said I think all these choices being eliminated for pregnant women (and I’m sure other choices are being taken away) are going to have bad consequences on the number of new mothers with post-traumatic stress disorder and post-natal depression. Obviously it’s necessary, there aren’t other options and it needs to be done to save lives but we can’t minimise the impact it’s going to have on women and really hope they will be looking at ways to help women feel supported and have a positive experience despite these measures, before and after their birth.

I never wanted a perfect birth. I have no set birth plan, accepted that I would most likely not get pain relief. I just don’t want to be alone and scared. Which is what I am.

Everything is screwed up, my partner has lost his job, I have no family within a 10 hour drive away, Mum is stuck overseas. I don’t want this baby anymore l - not under these circumstances. I have no choice

It seems to be that you're reacting to ''everything'' being not ideal and it isn't purely about giving birth alone.

I really do feel for you but in the history of humans most have been conceived and born in circumstances that were not necessarily the best or even the worst. There will be many other women in your situation, so you will be having a shared experience in that sense, sometimes we don't know how brave we are until the shit hits the fan. You will be ok.

I think you need some psychological support and maybe should discuss this with someone professional by phone or email. Maybe your Midwife or gynaecologist I don't think posting here is necessarily helpful.

@wishesmadeonstars I've had hardly any contact from the team and they really give no info so I just feel like I'm waiting to give birth without actually knowing what will be happening by then as it changes Every day.
Hopefully they aren't taking risks with our babies health but I guess no one can even say not because all checks ect have been cancelled. I feel quite confident with this being my third but first time mum's right now must be going threw alot worse in there head.
When I had my little boy dad went to car straight after birth and then midwife left me on my own on the bed with my little boy on me and left the room. I went dizzy couldn't see started being sick over the bed onto the floor all while holding my boy trying to not drop him on the floor luckily dad walked back in ran over and took baby off me ! He was half way out my arms so some of us have had an experience like or some women even worse to not feel fully trusted in the staff. Not their faults most of the time as the aren't fully staffed here in nhs even before all this. I work on a clinical nhs ward myself and they was struggling already before my mat leave started

I appreciate you must be feeling so scared, it’s understandable. People being exceptionally harsh is not particularly kind. You’re allowed to feel the way you do.
You sound worryingly low, please talk to your partner or someone else in your life that you trust. I think you need more help.
Please take care of yourself.

@mitzik how's about you stop making assumptions about other people's situations?
I have reasonably rare blood clotting disorder that I found out about AFTER I got pregnant.
There's a real risk of lots of complications for me when I give birth and the thought of me having my partner with me as an advocate, not some spectator, was one of the only things that made me feel calmer.

I just don’t want to be alone and scared. Which is what I am.

Everyone understands however your need not to feel alone and scared is not more important than the lives of other people and medical staff.

Everyone understands however your need not to feel alone and scared is not more important than the lives of other people and medical staff

I totally understand that, it’s a bitter pill to swallow though when people are still going to work, allowed to switch between separated parents’ homes etc. Clearly exceptions are being made in some circumstances.

it’s a bitter pill to swallow though when people are still going to work, allowed to switch between separated parents’ homes etc. Clearly exceptions are being made in some circumstances.

None of those involve bringing yet another potentially infected person into a hospital setting

Surely you can see the difference

I’m not an idiot. They aren’t exactly the same and I didn’t say they were. But they are both major risks for spreading the disease further at a time we are being for told we all have to make sacrifices to slow the spread. If you’re going to tell women to go through it without their birth partner on the grounds that slowing the spread is paramount, it doesn’t seem the government is that arsed about slowing the spread in other respects. Surely you can see that

With my first baby I had an emergency c section under general anaesthetic . I was so ill after I could barely hold my baby. I also didn't get to see her until an hour after she was born and was upset my husband got to hold her first. My home with my daughter took eight months and I suffered awful postnatal depression. I think all this comes down to the fact I wasn't aware of her birth and couldn't hold her. Is,it possible banning partners is going to affect their bond? Look at the time when men were banned from the maternity ward, it seems their relationship to their children is, very different to the mothers.
Of course it's difficult. No one wants the NHS staff to get sick and everyone needs to play a part but can't help wondering how many child /parent relationships will be spoiled by this rule
I also wonder if no partners will actually increase stress on the midwives as they are going to be the only source of support to new mums and surely they are stretched enough.

Now is not the time to say You're letter others do it (under different circumstances) so why not me.

Just like an 8 year old

As soon as I knew I was pregnant I decided on a home birth. If I hear that home births are being scrapped whilst all this is going on then OK, but I am not going into hospital.

I think a midwife possibly has a duty of care to attend but if not I will have no choice but to deliver the baby myself.

@WhoToTell I was in hospital with minor contractions and water breaking after my first was an ELCS. My DH went home because of visitor rules. Then it all kicked off but the midwife did not believe me. Yes I was alone and yes I was scared but actually in that moment those things enabled me to do exactly what I needed to do. Which was basically tell them in no uncertain terms that I was in labour and they were going to take me to the delivery suite. The only person I needed was me - anyone else there wouldnt have helped (indeed they may have tried to get me to ignore my instincts).

The only person who goes through it is you, the only person who can get your through this is you and you need to believe that

@HowIrresponsible what a pathetic post. I have said on this thread I agree with the policy, so I have not said that at all. I am not suggesting they allow birth partners in.

My point is I wish they would be stricter in other areas so the burdens being borne by large sectors of society, of which this is but one example, aren’t undermined.

Yabu. It sucks but it’s necessary!

I had two of mine without my husband present, it really isn’t necessary for them to be there, you don’t notice they’re not there when it comes to it.. It’s nice if they are but you have to think of everyone else in the hospital too.

Put it this way. If they let husbands/partners/wives/others of the pregnant person into the delivery room etc and one of the husbands, god forbid, had the virus and passed it on to other mothers and babies. Say one of them died, how bad would you feel then?

STOP BEING SELFISH. It’s not all about you.

I think all this comes down to the fact I wasn't aware of her birth and couldn't hold her. Is,it possible banning partners is going to affect their bond? Please don't upset people with that, it doesn't affect the bond and having a section doesn't either. I have 4, one normal delivery in high tech hospital environment, one home birth, one EMCS, one forceps, two of them were inductions. It didn't make one jot of difference to the bond. I think it is very hurtful to suggest that and have you thought about adoptive parents or when a baby is whisked off to SCBU?

Someone can have the perfect birth experience and develop PND and have problems with bonding and people can give birth in appalling circumstances and it doesn't affect their relationship with the baby. Please don't add to the OPs stress by suggesting this is going to have a negative affect on her baby and it's father.

As for being upset that your husband held her first, well all I can say is I was happy that my baby was with someone who loved her. When visitors went home that night the other women in my room told me they cried watching my husband sitting by my empty bed, holding his first daughter and singing to her. They found it moving and so did I.

OP please don't let the fear of not bonding add to your worries, I didn't have husband with me for two births and there for two. No one would ever have been able to judge his relationship with them on that basis.

There are going to be a lot of stories of elderly ladies waving off their husbands in ambulances and never seeing them alive again. The ladies potentially infectious so not allowed to come to hospital when he needs critical care. Then the conspiracy theories will start that their special husband didn't get on a ventilator due to xyz special interest reasons.

yanbu but I don't know a better solution, OP.
The situation all around sucks.

OP I know it is scary, I know it isn't how you want it to be but you can do this. One day you will look back and tell stories of how you gave birth during the biggest crisis in generations. Hopefully you will be able to have your husband/partner with you so try to focus on the positives.

Oh, and no pain relief because I said no to the epidural. There is no alternative like gas and air apparently.

Fedupandpoor what a lovely story to tell someone who is scared. Maybe you should ask to have it removed.

Fedupandpoor the OP has given no indication that she is giving birth in Greece so please no more horror stories.