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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I arranged a sleepover and the parent went out!

152 replies

Bythebeachtoo · 17/03/2020 14:14

Don’t worry it’s not as bad as it sounds but it bothered me and I don’t know if it should.
My son (aged 9) begged me for a sleepover at other boys house and after talking to his mum we agreed and made the arrangements. I later found out that the parent went out for the evening and left the children with a trusted family member but someone I don’t know and have never met. This was never relayed to me and wasn’t part of the agreement. Would you arrange a sleepover and not be there?

OP posts:
LaPoesieEstDansLaRue · 17/03/2020 14:16

No, I wouldn't do that unless I'd told the sleepover-ing child's parent first.

tiredanddangerous · 17/03/2020 14:16

This wouldn’t bother me at all. You said yourself they were left with a trusted family member.

Leaannb · 17/03/2020 14:20

That would bother me and there would be no more sleepovers at that child's home.

TeenPlusTwenties · 17/03/2020 14:22

It would bother me too. Massively.

bubba22 · 17/03/2020 14:22

It would depend on the circumstances. But if they just went out on the piss I’d be annoyed, especially if they didn’t make it clear that was the plan

Sunnyjac · 17/03/2020 14:28

I would want to meet the person alone with my child! The other mum may trust that person but you don’t even know them! Wouldn’t be happy

WillYouDoTheFandango · 17/03/2020 14:29

From your title I thought you meant they went out while you had their kids, in which case good on them!

In this actual case I would not be impressed and my son would not be sleeping there again. Fair enough if they checked with you and you were okay but not to tell you and let you find out after the fact is not on.

Original poster
Bythebeachtoo · 17/03/2020 14:29

It was social night out - I would understand if it was a change in work circumstances etc. All the arrangements were made with this parent and I’d never even met the person who was left in charge of my son.

OP posts:
june2007 · 17/03/2020 14:30

Think she should have told you so you had the choice to carry on or rearrange.

dontdisturbmenow · 17/03/2020 14:31

I did this once. I had to take my dog to the vet for lifesaving surgery. She went downhill within minutes. I phoned my MIL to look after the kids. Certainly didn't have time to call the parents. I didn't get home until 11pm.

This wasn't an issue with any of the parents. They trusted that if I thought MIL was good enough to look after my kids, they were good enough to look after their friends for one evening.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/03/2020 14:31

Depends who the trusted family member was and what the Mum was doing. If it was Dad then ok, if it was a sensible older sibling and Mum had to go out for an hour or two again probably ok. If Mum was out on a sesh and it was a 12 year old not ok

TaTuirseOrm · 17/03/2020 14:33

I would never do that, and would be very pissed off if it was my child on the sleepover.

Nomorepies · 17/03/2020 14:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Jespers · 17/03/2020 14:35

I wouldn't have done that unless the parent was fully aware and happy about it! My DPs have babysat for me with friends kids there but the parents knew about it and know my parents so were happy about it.

Original poster
Bythebeachtoo · 17/03/2020 14:35

@dontdisturbmenow that’s more than understandable and under those circumstances I’d understand. What I’m struggling with is that this was a social event but it didn’t come up in any of our conversations when making the arrangements.

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 17/03/2020 14:35

I assume you Trust the Mum so were happy for your DC to saty with them.
If that is true than you should trust her opinion on her Family friend.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/03/2020 14:38

Tbh it sounds like you instigated the sleepover and pretty much invited yourself (well, your son) over. Which is a bit rude. You should have offered a sleepover at yours.

As you were a bit rude I think you have to suck it up.

Original poster
Bythebeachtoo · 17/03/2020 14:39

@Nomorepies thank you. I’m not big on sleepovers so I don’t really know what’s acceptable - only what my gut tells me. I know my son is going to want to go again as he did enjoy himself so I’m dreading saying no but I’m just not comfortable now.

OP posts:
Hoggleludo · 17/03/2020 14:40

No way

You're putting your trust in someone who wasn't there. They've broken that trust. By not being there.

Original poster
Bythebeachtoo · 17/03/2020 14:42

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks that’s really not the case. I did offer on several occasions but we couldn’t match dates. My sons friends mum messaged me and asked if this date was good for them to stay at theirs. No one pushed anything on anyone and I didn’t say that at all.

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 17/03/2020 14:52

I think it's not right to go out for the social evening, but it's quite legitimate for the dog's lifesaving surgery.

Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea · 17/03/2020 15:00

I wouldn't be bothered by this. I was bothered when I got a call from my ds (7 at the times) friends 15 yr old sister saying could I pick him up as he wanted to come home. Turned out the parents had left them on their own while they went to their night shifts. I was fuming.

fruitbrewhaha · 17/03/2020 15:03

I don't see what the problem is.

Who was the trusted family member? Why would you son be any more at risk with this family member than any theoretical risk with the friends' parents. Your son is 9 and you are not able to specify or check everyone he now comes into contact with or is cared for by. For instance at school, you don't know all the staff or volunteers, sports clubs etc.

AnneOfCloves · 17/03/2020 15:08

I wouldn't mind. If I was the hosting parent, I'd tell the other family so if they had a problem with it we could rearrange, but it wouldn't bother me on the slightest. He's 9, unlikely to be distressed by someone he doesn't know being the adult in charge.

RedskyAtnight · 17/03/2020 15:08

I think the answer to this might be different because you were the one who asked for the sleepover. Parent might have felt under pressure to say yes (did they think you wanted it for childcare reasons?) and in this case, providing a suitable adult to look after your child was perfectly fine

If they'd invited your child and then gone off out, I'd have found that a bit odd, unless it was an emergency.