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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just say THANK YOU ffs

448 replies

MadameBee · 14/03/2020 19:03

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

OP posts:
voddiekeepsmesane · 14/03/2020 21:01

@JeepersC have you read this thread? It is obviously not an American thing

JeepersC · 14/03/2020 21:02

These are not guests. They're children at home. They should be fed. They don't need to thank anyone for feeding them ffs.

aroundtheworldyet · 14/03/2020 21:04

This thread is batshit. I thank everyone when they’ve done something for me. It’s just polite. It takes seconds and it lives on in your professional life. If my assistant does some work I have asked her to do I say thank you
If someone/anyone cooks for me I say thank you.

What’s wrong with people who can’t say thank. You

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/03/2020 21:04

@JeepersC and your posts tone is exactly why we all need to be a bit more appreciative and kind

JeepersC · 14/03/2020 21:05

How do you even get a child to thank you for meals?
I started very young with mine. I thanked her for eating lol.
Perhaps if you're in the royal family or something, people thank the chef or something.
My dd wouldn't thank me for providing her basic needs. Lucky if I get a grunt of gratitude when she actually gets something she does want.

Alsohuman · 14/03/2020 21:07

How do you even get a child to thank you for meals?

You remind them every single time until it’s habit.

aroundtheworldyet · 14/03/2020 21:09

@JeepersC
I think perhaps you’re one of those people who on a thread about not getting a present from DH. You would say you shouldn’t be so greedy and selfish expecting a present!!

You’re just one of those people.

Guess what. It’s nice to be nice. It’s a lovely feeling to thank someone for doing something nice for you.

JeepersC · 14/03/2020 21:10

aroundtheworldyet When you were a child, did you thank your parent(s) for feeding you?

SinglePringle · 14/03/2020 21:10

AlsoHuman absolutely. Those who think it’s unreasonable need to learn some manners!

‘Cheers Mum / Dad‘ (whoever cooked) at the end of a meal as you clear the table is just the most basic of manners. Entry level.

TheWordmeister · 14/03/2020 21:10

These are not guests. They're children at home. They should be fed. They don't need to thank anyone for feeding them ffs.

That's where you're horribly wrong and I suspect you may be raising children with poor manners.

Peasfox · 14/03/2020 21:11

I always said thank you to whoever took the time to cook be it mum, dad or grandparent, still thank my husband too

Rhubarbpeony · 14/03/2020 21:12

In my home you thank the person who cooks for you, even if you live with them. It’s a very basic level of manners. YANBU.

JeepersC · 14/03/2020 21:13

You remind them every single time until it’s habit.

Believe me, I was the most grateful that she ate. She certainly wasn't thankful. I can just imagine forcing her to thank me for trying to encourage to eat lol. Yeah. That would have worked out. When you're a parent, it's a thing you sign up for - feeding the buggers. No thanks required. It's sort of part of the job description.

aroundtheworldyet · 14/03/2020 21:13

@JeepersC
Yes of course I did. That’s a lovely meal. Or a general thank you. Or that looks delicious. Or I love that ! Thank you. Or just a YUM. But my parents were good cooks. I guess if you serve up shite everyday it might be hard to muster a thank you.

If I cook for my family, 100% I get a thank you. And vice verse. I find it very odd that people think it’s odd to say thank you.

What do people talk about at the table? They just get served up and don’t even a knowledge the meal??

FrankieManca · 14/03/2020 21:14

We tend to say ‘thank you’ when the plates get out down on the table. Not a big thing, just ‘thanks’ when you get your plate.

Is their Dad modelling this?

StarShapedWindow · 14/03/2020 21:15

My DC say thank you for their meal. I don’t mind ‘trained parrots’ when it comes to manners. I think most manners are just repetition rather than sincere thanks - when I hold a door open for someone I don’t care if they are sincerely thankful, I just want a quick ‘thanks’.

JeepersC · 14/03/2020 21:15

Do your dogs thank you when you feed them? Bow their heads or something?
If I (or dd) are being fed by anyone else, we will thank the chef. But not ordinarily.

FrankieManca · 14/03/2020 21:15

Teens often feel very self conscious about big public ‘thank you’s.

Robin233 · 14/03/2020 21:16

My parents were super strict about manners but I don't remember being told to say thank you after a meal.

I'd say thanks if some one passed me a plate of food or if I was in someone else's home.

My dh often days thanks when I take his plate away ti wash.

My step kids used to say thank you as they waltzed off with food I'd prepared.

As a child at home we always had to say 'may I leave the table ' at the end of a meal.

aroundtheworldyet · 14/03/2020 21:17

@JeepersC
I think you just have to accept that you’re the exception to the norm. There may be many reasons for that, you say you were grateful she ate. I think that’s a telling line. If someone has issues around food then you might simply be happy they ate at all. Which is a tough place to be.
But perhaps this thread is not really for you.

voddiekeepsmesane · 14/03/2020 21:17

@JeepersC please tell me you didn't just compare feeding your family with feeding your pets Confused

Rosebel · 14/03/2020 21:18

My children always say thank you to me (or whoever has cooked) because it's basic good manners. I do the same and so does my husband. It's not like it takes a lot of effort to say thanks.
Tell them to cook their own food.

Darbs76 · 14/03/2020 21:18

I think when kids live in 2 homes you can conflicting things like this. Perhaps mum doesn’t routine expect a thank you, and many don’t; I don’t think is necessarily rude when it’s their own home and parent cooking. My son says it but he’s quite polite by nature. If I wanted my daughter to follow suit I’d just start saying ‘what do you say’ when I put her dinner down. If mum doesn’t expect it and dads never said anything until you raised it then you can’t just call them names and change overnight.

aroundtheworldyet · 14/03/2020 21:20

@voddiekeepsmesane
I was thinking the same!!
If you’re attitude to food is it’s put on a plate to keep you alive
Then no wonder there are issues.

Food is sharing and friendly and companionship - talking and laughter and debates. Trying new things - experiences- experiments- good and bad. All shared with family and loved ones.
And I include that from a cheese sandwich to a full roast

Icecreamdiva · 14/03/2020 21:20

My family rarely thank me for cooking. I rarely ask DH for earning the money to buy the dinner, not do I routinely thank DC for clearing the table and loading the dishwasher. We all have our role in the family and crack on with it. Thanks aren’t necessary.

On the whole I think the sort of thanks you describe are more for guests than family members.