Just say THANK YOU ffs

[MadameBee]

I need a rant.

I have two DSDs 15 and 13. I have been around for 10 years (was not OW). Have fairly good relationship with them.

I have two grown up kids who have left home and one about to go to Uni.

DSDs always have to be reminded to say please and thank you, which irritates me.

Worse is that that I put a lot of thought and effort into coking a nice meal (even if I didn’t and I just cooked a frozen pizza this would piss me off).

They refuse today thank you.

Everyone else, at the end of the meal says “thank you” and they sit there looking down in fucking silence, smirking, then DH tells them and it’s just shit and embarrassing and awkward.

WHY?!

I guess if you serve up shite everyday it might be hard to muster a thank you. I guess it must be hard on your children but you have them well reared.

Don't think your snide comment went unnoticed. My point is, that feeding children isn't a gift - it's a necessity. A basic requirement. I don't thank people for the hot water for my shower, or the heating. As a child, I didn't thank my mother for feeding or clothing me. My dd knows how to behave with others and IS actually thankful to receive a meal or to be invited to dine with her friend's family for e.g so would thank those, but she doesn't have to thank me. I'm her mother!

Calm down op, read a book or something

Issue here is clear. You feel you're doing the children a favour by cooking for them. I am not remotely surprised that they smirk and sneer about you demanding thanks for feeding them. Do they dislike you generally?

@JeepersC
All your comparisons are just odd.

Why would you thank the hot water or the dog thank you.

I hope at least if they don’t say thank you, they comment in some positive way about your meal. Which in its way is a thank you.

If they don’t then that’s a bit of a worry

My teenage son who can be grumpy/ argumentative says thank you at every meal that I cook because that is what he's been taught from an early age and says it without thinking. My DP also says thank you after every meal even if it's just scrambled eggs and that shows gratitude I also do the same if someone cooks me a meal. It's called manners.

My 3 teen boys always thank whoever has cooked for them and will ask if it's ok to leave the table, get on with homework or watch tv etc. Even if it was a takeaway or if we go out for dinner they always thank us.

See that’s interesting icecreamdiva because I DO thank DH when he works really hard, and when the kids take their plates out etc etc.

I think in general most people are happier when they feel appreciated, and saying thank you costs nothing.

Yes I think @ThursdayLastWeek is right.
I thank people all the time, and I mean it. And when people thank me I feel happy and useful and worth something.

I would feel really shit of no one ever thanked me.

My 5 and 7 year old always say thank you when I give them their food. I also say thank you when my 7 year old pours me a cup of juice. It's just good manners.

We both earn money and pay half all the bills.

We don’t thank each other for earning.

TBF I used to run a kitchen and am a trained cook so am not turfing out shite.

It’s something we do in our house, but I wouldn’t be bothered if other people don’t do it. I certainly wouldn’t think them rude.

Food is sharing and friendly and companionship - talking and laughter and debates.

PMSL.

Sounds like a barrel of laughs round your gaff OP with your step children snickering at your demands for thanks for feeding them.

It strikes me that lots of people who demand ritualised/ scripted type of performance of manners are actually quite rude in unscripted situations.

this

My dcs are really polite and I'm sure they say thank you sometimes or maybe most the time, but it'd be okay if they didn't too. I just don't understand making it into a big thing where they have to thank you like some kind of power trip. Why are you even cooking for them if you don't want to? Let their dad do it.

Bloody hell. Some of the comments on here are horrendous. It is just common practice and good manners to say thank you to whoever cooked your dinner whether it's your mum, dp, a friend etc.

And we wonder why kids are getting a bad name for being so entitled and expecting everything for nothing .

I do feel very sad at those of you who don't get, expect or even seem to want thanks or appreciation for what you do for each other within your own families. If you don't feel these things are needed to be said and shown to the people you love then I find it really sad

If I go to someone’s house for dinner I say thank you
poor bastards are expected to say “thank you” after every bloody meal, geeeeeze. They’re not at someone’s house, they’re in their own home! Cut the poor buggers some bloody slack, YABVU.

I always got a "thanks mum" at the end of meals. It's good manners and shows appreciation in the same way I'd thank them for doing things.

@JeepersC
I actually feel very sad for you if you think my list is something to make yourself PMSL

REALLY quite sad.

Fascinating, this, especially the posters deliberately conflating a meaningless drone of thank-you-for-the-lovely-meal with an expectation of appreciation.

My DC thank whoever cooked after every meal and clear the table. The youngest is 3. To those thinking it's ok that their kids don't think it's normal to thank people who do things for them, I give you my neighbours son who came round to play and I offered them a sandwich rather than breaking up the game for lunch. So it was an unplanned lunch out with no prior grilling from his DPs. He thanked me for his food and then cleared not only his plate but mine and my DSs too, all unprompted. I was charmed. Versus my God children, DC of a dear school friend. I have never once had a thank you for a treat or a present, with the effect that now I don't put much effort into choosing them. They're not bad kids, they've just been allowed to think that godparents give presents and godchildren receive them, no thanks required. I don't think it does them any favours to not learn good manners.

Mine tend to say thanks mum that was lovely, equally I say thank you if dh or any of the dcs have cooked. Not a big deal, just manners. But that's the way we are in our house. I pick up dd after the gym she says thanks. Stuff like that.

And we wonder why kids are getting a bad name for being so entitled and expecting everything for nothing

Are they? That's not how I see young people at all. Who sees them like this?

They should expect their parents to feed them imo. To think otherwise is bizarre.

As pp have said, thanks freely given is very different from demanding it

Most cultures offer a toast to good health when a meal is received. Americans are big into giving thanks to God for the bountiful food etc. Perhaps it's British. I'm Irish. We toast 'Sláinte' before we eat - it means 'good health'. Salud or Salute (Spain/Italy respectively) are similar traditions. Thanking someone, is perhaps a peculiar British stepmother tradition.

FudgeBrownie2019 erm no I said like many here...read what people write!

Yanbu, ignore the ungrateful, ignorant folk.

heymammi how does it show gratitude if he says it without thinking?

It doesn't show gratitude any more than reciting the alphabet automatically after every meal.

I'm lucky to have really well behaved children, including teens. They'd ritually thank if I told them to, but that'd be hollow and meaningless. Instead they say thank you spontaneously often, but its not an obligation and actually means something.

I don't want hollow ritualised thanks - I certainly wouldn't want to live in a household where failing to perform scripted gratitude invokes venom or spite, as some posters have indicated it would. That seems to indicate an odd mindset in some of those chanting the "basic manners" slogan. It really does seem that the keener people are on the phrase basic manners and demanding scripted expressions of gratitude they are, the less likely the words are to be connected to genuine human responses.