What’s wrong with me

[Ihatemychild]

I have 2 DDs

I really feel like I hate my eldest (6)

No idea why. She irritates me all the time, annoys me, I have absolutely no patience with her. I find her weird, have nothing in common, she’s the complete opposite of me.

She doesn’t listen at all, yet she is very bright, has lots of friends and an extremely kind nature.

Tonight I lost it, she’s sharing a room with her sister for now and she keeps her up, i spoke to her before bed and I asked her to please go straight to sleep, I’m not well, DH is out, her sister is tired and I need her just to go to bed and go to sleep. I asked her not to go into her sisters bed, no talking tonight and just basically go to sleep. For 2 hours now she hasn’t fucking shut up, I’ve been up and down, shouted and warned it doesn’t matter. Came up to go to bed myself and she’s still talking and now she’s in her sisters bed.

I lost it and grabbed her out and put her in the spare room which has nothing in it atm. I shut the door and actually considered leaving her in there all night but know how cruel that sounds. Her sister was asleep within minutes so I went and got DD from the bedroom and told her to get into her bed and face the wall and go to sleep.

I want to smack her but I don’t.

She’s my first born, if anything was to happen to her I would die myself but I still can’t get rid of this feeling towards her. I don’t feel like that towards her sister.
I’m not depressed, I have a good life, a good husband and generally happy. I’d say she is a well behaved child but I just don’t “get” her.

I don’t know why I’m posting, a cry for help, maybe hoping someone else has felt the same and came out the other side. I don’t know.

That sounds insanely tough.
I have a kid who will not shut. The. Fuck. Up.
If he isn't talking. He's clicking. If he's not clicking he's clapping. And finally if he's not doing any of that fucking shit he's whistling.

It's like nails down my brain.

I've started to tell him he is really annoying me and he needs to learn to stop and be quiet.
I'm happy to chat. I'm happy to get into discussions etc. But sometimes people just need quiet!!!!

He's 6 as well. Maybe it's the age of being a bit of a twat. And he's my first born.

If I feel myself losing control I walk away. You did well to diffuse the situation.
You tried explaining. You tried talking. It wasn't an unrealistic or ridiculous expectation.

At 6 she should be perfectly able to shut up and go to sleep.

Have you tried putting YDD in your bed to get to sleep first?

Yanbu

Think you’re clearly just at the end of your tether and just need a bit of time and space!

Could you put her bed in the spare room?? Might help solve the problem if it’s happening all the time...?

I think 6 year olds can be quite annoying sometimes - especially when tired!

itsallthedrama that sounds like my DS. He is diagnosed with ADHD. He never ever stops talking. Drives me up the wall. On and on and on and on.......argh!

That's so tough OP. I've secretly felt similar feelings towards my eldest at times (also two DDs). I think for me I never really bonded with her in the early days. I had a horrific birth and she was a "high needs" baby. I found new motherhood really traumatic and just wanted to run away from it all. Perhaps subconsciously blaming her for all these things?

I try to focus on her positives and what really helps is spending as much one to one time with her as possible - she's a wonderful child when she has your full attention so this really helps us connect. I had to essentially "fake it" until the love became real.

You don't hate her really. As you said if something was to happen to her you would die - you just need to work harder at loving her than you do your other DD.

On a practical note - could you move her into the spare room permanently so this situation doesn't arise so often?

for you

I had a child like this.

We had to separate them (which meant one in our bed) and then transfer him over. It was hellish.

It did pass though.

That sounds insanely tough.
I have a kid who will not shut. The. Fuck. Up.
If he isn't talking. He's clicking. If he's not clicking he's clapping. And finally if he's not doing any of that fucking shit he's whistling.

@itsallthedramaMickiloveit
I didn’t realise my DS had a long lost twin!! DRIVING ME CRAZY!!🤣

As you can see, you are not alone OP.
And you definitely are not BU.

Well done for diffusing the situation and for talking about it here.

It's a very annoying age for kids.
Don't be too hard on yourself. It absolutely will get better

@CatherineCawood It's as though not creating noise is an impossible feat for him.
I did at one point question ADHD because ever since he was 2 people have commented on his energy. But to be honest even if he does have it it would be the mildest form and I don't think it would be worth the fight for diagnosis right now.

He does well in school and sport.

But JFC. I love the bones off that boy. But nothing and nobody has ever. Ever pushed me to the limit like him before.

Her rooms getting done up atm and will be ready in the next week or so thank god!!

Thank you for not bashing me. I do actually feel absolutely terrible about this and I’m so worried I’ll completely fuck her up.
I just can’t help it, I really try but it’s always been there. We are just compete opposites yet that doesn’t mean she’s wrong, infact she probably chooses to do things much better than how I do them.

I can see the brilliance in her, insanely smart, kind hearted, a fantastic big sister

But fuck me so so so intense.

I want to change.

And as if by bloody magic....

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion
I tried loads of bloody name change combos that kept failing and thought fuck it I’m freaking
out here and this one worked 🤷‍♀️

@itsallthedramaMickiloveit your like a psychic or some super being 😂😂 seriously though, I really appreciate the support x

Yup here I am 🙋‍♀️

I'm sure you do OP.

Thank you for sharing @Ihatemychild

Read this tomorrow and see if you feel the same way.

Sorry I’m not a mother and can’t help.

There are some good tips for dealing with this on empoweringparents.com

You're a good person OP, you obviously care very much for your child.

Don't listen to any idiots you come across here, bashing you for being human.

Just ignore and carry on.
You're OK. You're going to be OK. And our children will (they absolutely will!!!!) grow out of this.

The teenager boards promised 😂
However. They tend to deliver other problems. But let's just get through this first.

itsallthedramaMickiloveit, you can insult posters who don't agree with you all that you want. But the OP acted cruelly towatds a child that she says she hates, this could easily get worse.

OP was putting her in your room not an option, or was it intended as a punishment?

She's six, she's going to change as she grows. It's for you to find common ground. That's often what parents of the opposite sex have to do.

Love bombing does work and is needed when you are at a point were you will be cruel towards her.

It's not psychic to predict that someone will come on and tell you it's not ok to say you hate your child and find her weird, because you have nothing in common. I have sweet fuck all in common with my kids, they are extremely irritating and drive me off my nut sometimes. I would never say I hate them and find them weird. I think it's you who has the problem here, and yes, if you don't do something about your feelings towards your child, you probably will fuck her up.

"She irritates me all the time, annoys me, I have absolutely no patience with her. I find her weird, have nothing in common, she’s the complete opposite of me."

Is it literally 'all of the time'?

She didn't act cruelly. The kid was naughty. The kid had plenty of opportunity to stop.
Her behaviour was causing her younger sister to suffer. So she was removed until she could behave and her sister could get to sleep.

She was put in a safe and warm place. She was fine.

Hopefully from this she's learnt that mummy has a limit and she better do better tomorrow night.

Win. Win.

I hear you OP!!
Not quite the same but I'm a childminder and I can't stand one of the children. The sight of her makes my blood pressure rise. She's only 3 but my god she's a sneaky sly manipulative little madam. I've never felt so irritated by a child before!!

She did not act cruelly towards her child at all.

@Notimeforaname thank you I will take a look!!

God I feel better posting this thread.

I know it’s not her, it’s me. I have a new kindle, I think I might try and download a good parenting book or something, something that helps with my patience. It’s been a hard few months, I haven’t been well, my patience is literally hanging by a thread most days but I am slowly getting better and hope to be back to full health by the summer.

Maybe it’s just general life stresses. I find holidays amazing, like real quality time and we are like the happiest family when we are on holiday.

If only we could jet off somewhere hot every month 😂😂