Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Not this thread again

By your argument, there are no unemployed people in the whole world. After all, even if you sit on your arse all day long playing video games then you are working, as you are expending mental effort to achieve a purpose.

Get over yourself. People look after kids and go out to work full time. Yes it's valuable to be at home with the kids but it's not working by most people's definition

Its hard work, but it's not work as often presented by some as comparable to someone trained and paid to provide childcare. The expectation of paid professionals is very different to looking after our own children.

For example, I'd never say it's easy having DC at home (I'm at home at the moment), but I have a massive objection to people who say things like "you should bill DH for the hours of childcare you provide" or argue that because they look after their own children and clean their own house they're basically a nursery nurse, cleaner, chef etc. That makes me roll my eyes.

Well, it’s unpaid, so excluded from any definitions of paid employment, I suppose.
Cooking your own dinner or washing your shirt are also “work”, but they similarly don’t count as an occupation, unless you are a chef or laundry worker doing it for other people.

If this is the standard, then technically cooking is "work", shopping is "work", booking a train ticket is "work"

just no

If it wasn't work people surely wouldn't be willing to pay nursery and pre-school staff to look after their DC.

No, it is NOT work and ridiculous to even try and claim it is

People look after kids and go out to work full time

How are they going out to work full time and looking after kids at the same time?

It’s not the same as employed work. I could list many many differences but can’t be arsed as this thread has been done to death!

However I know my life is miles easier now I have given up work to be a SAHM.

Working parents do have it harder - I’m sorry but it’s true.

@Loppy10
By your argument, there are no unemployed people in the whole world
It's not my definition of the word "work" but the one in the actual dictionary. I have never said that anybody that works is in paid employment, they are two different things. Coincidentally, the definition of unemployed is:

(of a person) without a paid job but available to work
SAHPs are objectively often not unemployed because they are not available to work as they're busy looking after children.
I am not the one making up my own definitions to suit my argument...

People look after kids and go out to work full time
This is incredibly unusual. Everyone I know that works FT is not able to go out to work whilst looking after their children at the same time.

What you need to do is swap children with a friend, pay each other 1p to look after each other's children and then do exactly the same as if you were looking after your own. Then it's work.

Unnecessarily aggressive first reply on this thread Loppy10. New people join Mumsnet all the time and haven't seen all the past threads on the subject. There's no need to contribute if you are tired of it.

Ok going off that definition - I’m working at getting through my washing pile. Then I will have a designated tea break. Then I will work at teaching my dd3 how to spell her name.

Then we will work at feeding the ducks who always get bullied at the back of the flock when we go for a walk later.

@Summersunandoranges
Working parents do have it harder - I’m sorry but it’s true
I'm sorry but you are not in a position to state this as a definitive truth in the same way that I can't use my experience to state the opposite.

In your experience being a SAHP is easier. You are comparing your specific experience of employment in a specific role, industry etc with your experience of being at home with your unique children, family setup etc. You yourself are also an individual with likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Your truth and experience will not be the same as everybody elses.

That definition is about the word work in it's broadest terms, you sound like you're trying to equate it to employment/paid work.
I work four days a week in a job and look after my granddaughter one day a week and I definitely don't consider that as work. My daughter works four days a week as a nurse and she much prefers to have the best (or worst!) of both worlds.

Well yeah, it’s domestic work. Same as cleaning, buying groceries, gardening etc. Anything that you’d outsource is work. But a lot of people can’t comprehend a life without work so tend to delineate between paid work and domestic drudgery.

I consider it akin to work in the way that nannies at school pick up are getting paid for the “work” I do for free but when people ask if I work I now say no, I’m at home with my kids.

Well, it is work if you include the fact that it can be physically and mentally tiring to look after young DC. But that is only the case for the first four years or so, after that I would not define looking after DC as work.
I cringe at SAHP who say their "job" is looking after the DC and the house. It's not a job!

It's not. If you want to be considered a 'worker' then get a job. If you want to be paid for your time, get a job.
Raising your own child is not work.
I have been a worker, a working parent and a SAHP. They're all 'hard' depending on your circumstances, attitude, outlook on life. But there's no way I would say being a SAHP was anywhere near as tiring and 'hard' for me as the constant juggle of working parent to young kids.

If it wasn't work people surely wouldn't be willing to pay nursery and pre-school staff to look after their DC
I knew the comparison to paid childcare would turn up by the end of the first couple of pages.

My friends work in nurseries and as qualified childcare providers. The expectation of them at work is not the same expectation of them as parents at home.

Just because a task can be outsourced to an appropriately qualified and experienced person doesn't mean doing the task yourself is work.
I enjoy baking, but I'm not a baker and I won't claim I'm working when I'm baking.
I can tidy and clean my own house, but I'm not a cleaner.
I do family lifts and will be the designated driver for friends, but I'm not a chauffeur nor taxi driver.
I cook meals for family and have friends for dinner, but that's not working as a chef.

Of course it’s work.

Otherwise nursery workers, childminders etc are NOT workers.

@Summersunandoranges
What would happen if you didn't do these things?

Without you doing the laundry your children would have no clean clothes to wear. This would be unacceptable and viewed as neglect. If you didn't teach your child to spell their name then they would miss out on that developmental opportunity that could stand them in good stead for starting school. Taking your child outside and getting fresh air will be good for their physical and mental health.

You instead could choose to sit on your arse all day and do none of this. That would be easier and require less effort. So yes, those things you list are work and are valuable. You don't get paid for them but if you weren't to do them then your children would lose out and be worse off.

Yeah, it's work.

I worked in nurseries for years, is that not work? Or is it just not work now that I'm looking after my own child, as if I'm going to give less effort towards his development somehow than if I was still working?

It's parenting. Not work.

Of course its work. Just Becaue it's unpaid doesn't mean it's not work. Housework is also work.
I wish we valued childcare more it's one of the most important jobs Becaue people looking after children, their own or other people's are nurturing the next generation.

It's work, but it's not paid employment. When I tell dd to do her homework, I'm acknowledging that it's work. She's not employed to do it.

I'm not attributing any hierarchy of value to the phrases above. Value is not solely based on financial reward.