Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Agree it's 'parenting' when looking after your own child not 'work' I get more annoyed at the term 'full time mum' though. It suggests parents that go to work are half heartedly being a parent. I don't stop being a mum when I go to work.

Equally there are people in paid employment who aren't working all the time, they're dossing about. Shocking yes, but I listened to a radio programme about reducing the working week and it seemed accepted that people in paid work 'waste' quite a bit of time and it's not that hard to squeeze 5 days work into 4 (I was shocked as that's never been true of any job I have done)

I'm sure you have worked hard etc, but squeezing 5 into 4 usually comes along with cutting out bullshit tasks that didn't actually need doing anyway.

Also it's been the finding of countless studies that people are only productive for a few hours a day, the rest might be active but not productive.

The same will go for parenting. My friends are universally state that being a parent is tiring, all consuming, but also includes a lot of enforced doss time, where they have to be present but aren't actually doing anything.

It’s being a parent - if you have kids that’s what you do

Many of us combine that with paid work which doubles the load - especially if you do it alone!

I think for many mums particularly those who’s children are at school they have too much time on their hands to be thinking about how valued they are by society

The mums that are the busiest at ds school (both junior and now high school) are (according to them) sahm

They are forever telling me how busy they are no one is particularly interested and many of us are rushing off to work or have rushed back/left early to attend whatever school evening it is and to hear this is just annoying. I to have cooked/done housework/supported with homework - this is the vast majority of parents who work few have those extra helps like cleaners/nannies

I know won’t be a popular opinion but it’s from my experience and every other working mum I know.

I can see why people find it difficult especially when children are still very little @maa1992 I mean school.is only 9-3 ( ish) there are not many jobs that are school hours and than there's all the school holidays etc ,it does get easier of course as children get older and more independent ( well in most cases ,my child has severe autism and learning and that's a whole different ball game )

The experience of looking after children in a childcare setting is very different to parenting them in your own home.

Working in a childcare setting will not involve structuring your day how you like, walking the dog, sticking on a wash, inviting friends round, going out for lunch, slobbing in front of the tv if you like, grabbing a nap if you get the opportunity.

However, this whole discussion misses the point entirely. While not technically ‘work’, caring for small children and elderly relatives is of great importance to our society and is not valued properly.

It's not my definition of the word "work" but the one in the actual dictionary.

I think the problem with quoting from the actual dictionary but being selective about which parts of the definition you include, is that you risk looking rather silly when someone points out that the full definition in that particular dictionary includes several usages under the first definition including:

• mental or physical activity as a means of earning income; employment.
• the place where one is employed.
• the period of time one spends in paid employment.

You’re being a little disingenuous pretending that you don’t know which usage people intend when they use the phrase you object to.

Sure, it's work, but it's not paid work. Not sure why this is hard for you to understand.

No one really cares what you do, you should do what's best for your particular setup.

Just to clarify, I am saying that looking after children is work but I'm not saying that it is or should be paid work. That is almost my point. Why is it that it is only when one charges for a task or activity that people will accept it's work and place any value on it?

For example if I was to cut back my elderly neighbours hedge then this would be work. He may not pay me but that doesn't negate the fact that it's work. It's not just paid employment that keeps our society going. The minute that we start othering unpaid work we devalue it. We need people to do all the unpaid work too and to do it to a good standard otherwise we all suffer.

@Bumpitybumper

YABU!

I have been...

A) A full time working mum.

B) A part time working mum.

C) A full time stay at home mum.

I know which I prefer.

(Hint, it's option C!) It really is the best life.

It might be parenting but that doesn't stop it being hard work. Very few people have to be on call 24/7 unless of course you are a parent or carer.

Just to clarify, I am saying that looking after children is work but I'm not saying that it is or should be paid work. That is almost my point. Why is it that it is only when one charges for a task or activity that people will accept it's work and place any value on it?

Whomever you share your children with should value your work.

Otherwise, no one cares and no one is actively de-valuing your work by not specifically valuing it.

What does it look like when someone else 'values' your work, anyway?

Just to clarify, I am saying that looking after children is work but I'm not saying that it is or should be paid work.

According to that definition you posted, a ridiculous amount of things are ‘work’. Gaming would come under that for example.

Looking after other kids on a commercial basis = work. Taking care of your own children = parenting.

This thread = ridiculous.

It all falls under the broad definition of work.

However, looking after your own kids, house etc is work in the sense that it requires effort. Generally no one is going to pay you to look after your own “life responsibilities”. How you divide this workload between yourself and others in the household (or outside of it) is up to the individual.

Going to your job is paid employment. Also work, but if a different kind.

The two are not the same, however both are important.

I’m not sure what point the OP is trying to make with her post ?

Very few people have to be on call 24/7 unless of course you are a parent or carer..

But if you work during the day do they look after themselves when youre home?

@x2boys that's true, I hadn't thought about the school holidays. I just can't imagine being home constantly haha!! But I know everyone's circumstances are different, I'm just 5 months into Mat leave and going stir crazy (and loving it too) but I do miss my job lol

Some people open a packet of crisps and plonk them in front of the TV.

Other people will spend time drawing with them, talking, reading.

A wild child may have devoted parents, a 'good' child may be neglected.

No way to tell who is really actually working and who is taking the piss.

it isn't "work" because you actively chose to have children so therefore have all that entails "life", just like wiping your arse, or cooking, or washing your clothes.

All solo parents have to be on call 24/7, even those that are holding down a full time job. Problems come when the boss, the school and the kids all think they take priority at the same minute, but we deal with it.

YABU not to come up with a complete sentence, just quibble about the definition of one word out of context.

What you need to do is swap children with a friend, pay each other 1p to look after each other's children and then do exactly the same as if you were looking after your own. Then it's work.

Many years ago a group of friends did something similar with housework, we would swap houses around and spend a morning cleaning the other house then we met up for lunch! Oddly enough it seemed to take far less time and the results were better than doing one's own, fear of whispered criticism made sure of that!

No, Minding your own kids for the day is not "work".

It's not the same as paid employment, and it's easier in a way to be at home with DC - time to get all the life admin done like cleaning, cooking, shopping, dentist, doctors...etc. that working parents have to fit in around their jobs. It is mentally draining though, being at home with toddlers all the time and not getting much adult company or mental stimulation, not to mention boring being responsible for all the housework.

Many years ago a group of friends did something similar with housework, we would swap houses around and spend a morning cleaning the other house then we met up for lunch!

How strange.

This thread has been done to death. For me, being at home isn’t work. It can be stressful and relentless but it really is not the same as having a job and being accountable to a boss or organisation.

That is not to say it isn’t valuable. I think many children would be happier with a sahp but it isn’t the same as work and to pretend it is devalues they argument. There are clearly differences in circumstances and a spectrum. Sahm to 2 school age children will clearly be different and much less effort compared to someone caring for disabled pre-schoolers.