Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

@lovepickledlimes but so is selfishly going to work and doing all of those things, bar only 17 hours of childcare a day. It's not a competition, but the comments about seeing what it's like now arent true, working full time from home and doing all of that is not comparable at all.

Every summer the threads start -"6 weeks of hell with my DC", WOHP call it annual leave and cant wait to see their DC and be "on holiday"

That!!

It’s quite common for people that work day 9-5 and have their kids in childcare centres, to come on here and say to SAHMs, “Well I do everything you do, but crammed into a few hours in the evening.”

This is what people find ridiculous tbh, and it’s why these threads go round in circles. Because -

a) nobody can warp time.
b) if people think that being a SAHM is nothing more than getting tasks like laundry and cleaning done in the day, then that’s actually quite scary
c) they are delusional
d) it is disrespectful to those who are looking after their kids between 9-5 and whatever because they are essentially saying that what goes on in this gone doesn’t matter. Or maybe they think the children go into suspended animation or something? I really don’t know.

Having children is beneficial for society. Society needs new members of the workforce as older people leave and retire. Younger people also pay tax and NI when they join the workforce, so society benefits from people having children.
Therefore people staying home and raising children should be provided with a universal basic income that recognises the value of their work.

No thepersians they are talking about the long list of "tasks" that SAHP list as their job.
They are paying for the best quality CC they can afford so stop implying that WOHP are clueless, neglectful parents who dont understand what it takes to raise young children.

And by the way, no SAHM I know moan about the holidays. I love the holidays because you can be on your own schedule; no homework, school runs, etc etc.

Yes it’s perfectly possible to get “cleaning and admin” done in the evenings if needs must. This is a total non issue. I do t know why people are even bringing it up. People don’t give up paid jobs because of housework fgs. Most SAHMs I know have cleaners anyway a couple of times a week and vacate the house during these hours.

People SAH because sometimes, they can. It’s as simple as that,

People SAH because sometimes, they can. It’s as simple as that
Absolutely ! So stop the endless listing of stuff we all have to do anyway and just say you dont want to work 🤷‍♀️

I’m not implying WOHP are neglectful. Stop twisting what I’m saying.

Put it this way, if my husband came home and all he could see was the housework that had or hadn’t been done, he would be spectacularly missing the point, wouldn’t he?

As pp have said, the role of a SAHP can’t be defined as the sum of actual tasks. It’s just the being there. The whole point is that you are there, not someone else.

I realise that not everybody has this choice and many people wouldn’t even want to take it even if they did have the choice, but it is what it is. People value different things and people have different choices. Some families are much more 50/ 50 with childcare anyway or can work flexibly or part time around the kids. But whatever, it still has to be done and it isn’t nothing.

I have never listed anything What are you even talking about?

This reminds me of the nursing is the hardest degree thread.

Will it end if we all just say SAHPs have it harder than anyone else in the whole world and should therefore get the Nobel Peace Prize on an annual basis?

@Quicklittlenamechange but the thing is a lot do more. It is more then doing all the housework and admin for them it is part of actively being involved in the school and helping out, being part of the pta to make sure that the school your child goes to is a good school and is held accountable for the quality they offer. It is taking your kids to their out of school activties and not just leaving them there but again helping out at your local girl guides or scouts that do still work on a voluntary basis and make sure these clubs remain open. It is observing their out of school activities such a swimming, gymnastics etc and maybe taking notes to make sure they do them correctly when practicing outside of the lessons etc that all takes time

I wasnt referring to "you" personally just the SAHMs who endlessly list their "jobs"
Things every adult needs to do.

Quicklittlenamechangebut the thing is a lot do more. It is more then doing all the housework and admin for them it is part of actively being involved in the school and helping out, being part of the pta to make sure that the school your child goes to is a good school and is held accountable for the quality they offer. It is taking your kids to their out of school activties and not just leaving them there but again helping out at your local girl guides or scouts that do still work on a voluntary basis and make sure these clubs remain open. It is observing their out of school activities such a swimming, gymnastics etc and maybe taking notes to make sure they do them correctly when practicing outside of the lessons etc that all takes time

Christ how patronising !
I did both WOH and the above, not everyone works 9-5.
School runs, helped with reading , swimming, PTA, school trips, after school activities, in fact it was all WOHP who did school stuff, I can only think of one SAHM and she refused to help at all.
Yep did all that and WOH .
Wheres my medal

But if you did all that stuff Quick, then why feel patronised.

The point is, there are some families where both parents only get to see their kids maybe for an hour in the morning and an hour at night. You are not one of these. But they do exist. It’s those who claim they “do it all” in an hour in the evenings that are a bit much because this is spectacularly naive. They may well work very hard in their days jobs, but they can’t claim to be “doing it all” when they’re paying someone else to be with their kids.

I must admit, I've never taken notes at swimming lessons though. Shoot me now!

pickledlimes, just what quicklittlenamechange says.

Parents who work do most of this stuff too, they're just busier. Also, as your kids get older, they do not want you 'observing' their activities and they won't thank you for it.

It’s those who claim they “do it all” in an hour in the evenings that are a bit much because this is spectacularly naive

Whoops sorry

For instance, a friend of mine who also had three kids, used to fly abroad most weeks from when the eldest was six months old. Her DH was the same and they had a live in nanny, Neither of them had any idea really who their DC’s friends were, or whose houses their DC used to go to on play dates etc. I remember my friend saying, “It’s odd because my kids toenails never seem to grow..,” Yes that’s because your nanny cuts them!! At least these parents didn’t claim to be “doing it all” though,

But if you did all that stuff Quick, then why feel patronised.
Its the need to explain to a WOH that its not just "life admin" but the school stuff, after school activities, taking notes wtf like we dont have a clue!
Seriously -we know, we do it as well .

For instance, a friend of mine who also had three kids, used to fly abroad most weeks from when the eldest was six months old. Her DH was the same and they had a live in nanny, Neither of them had any idea really who their DC’s friends were, or whose houses their DC used to go to on play dates etc. I remember my friend saying, “It’s odd because my kids toenails never seem to grow..,” Yes that’s because your nanny cuts them!! At least these parents didn’t claim to be “doing it all” though

Thats,a pretty extreme example though, most parents arent doing this.

Thats,a pretty extreme example though, most parents arent doing this.

The vast majority of working parents I know are taking significant measures to maximise time spent with their kids. So compressed hours, dropping a day or half a day, flexitime, parental leave. When they’re in work it’s head down, no bullshit.

They do the activities, the homework, the play dates.

Then they’re logging on to work when they’re kids are in bed and they have virtually no time for themselves whatsoever.

I don't really understand what being a SAHP of school aged children has to do with this thread which is about whether the activity of looking after your own children is work? Surely SAHP of school aged children are outsourcing this work to school during school hours in the same way that a WOHP outsources the looking after their children to a nursery or childminder etc.

Posters seem determined to make this a SAHP Vs WOHP debate when it really isn't.

Surely SAHP of school aged children are outsourcing this work to school during school hours in the same way that a WOHP outsources the looking after their children to a nursery or childminder etc.
Schools are there to educate, not provide childcare. Two different things.

Although in these cornovirus times seemingly we are childcare center in the eyes of some parents.

Posters seem determined to make this a SAHP Vs WOHP debate when it really isn't.
When some posters start trying to argue being at home is work because you make lunch and pack school bags is it any wonder eyes are rolled.
Both SAHP and WOHP are valid choices, but when posters start listing basic chores that everyone does regardless of their SAHP/WOHP status, it's hardly surprising that people point out that many of these things are part and parcel of being an independent adult.