Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Of course looking after kids is work, it's just unpaid work.

Whatever the dictionary says, often when people use the word 'work' they are talking about employment. That doesn't mean other things aren't hard. And it doesn't mean that there aren't some paid jobs that are easier than parenting. I could say I spent the afternoon working in my garden or working on a craft project. That doesn't make it count as work in the same sense as a paid (or voluntary) job does.

Putting it on a cv is fine, there's many skills learnt whilst being a SAHM

I love my days off with my kids. When I am not at work. Whatever the dictionary says.

Oh and I've been a wohm and a sahm. I found working a million times harder work even than being at home with a baby and a toddler. But that's only based on my experience of my work and my children.

It cannot be compared to paid employment. As others said, it is parenting and upto each individual how they approach it.

However, mums who work full time don't also look after their children while at work. If you are at work, your childcare has been outsourced and someone else is looking after the children

I have the luxury of working part time - my working days are a million times easier in terms of upkeep of the house - no children creating mess everywhere, they fed at childcare so no worrying about what to cook for them and just enjoy an hour playing with them, bath then bed. Cooking for 2 of us and washing clothes is all that's needed in terms of housework. Days with the kids involve planning what we will do, relentless tidying and cleaning, constant demands for food and drink, clearing up after any activities and the list goes on. I love both for different reasons but there is no way in hell a parent working full time does all that on the days they also work

'Get over yourself. People look after kids and go out to work full time.'

How are they doing this at the same time? You go to work while somebody else looks after you dc usually not in your house al you get home to a clean tidy house and then are at the same stage a Sahm would be who has been at home looking after dc and cleaning/tidying.

I don’t think it’s work. I’m a sahm single mum to 4, 2 are disabled and I am on carers but I still have to attend work focused interviews at the job centre to “get me back into work” despite being a lone parent with no help (ex absent and no family help) I’m not working.

I have done both and found Sahm easier in some ways but harder in others and vice versa. It really depends as on personality type to what you prefer or find works better for you personally.

'Get over yourself. People look after kids and go out to work full time.'

This^

I used to go to work (nursing) for a rest. Those two long days a week were bliss! I'm now changing career direction and love my day at college. I'm dreading schools closing, if they do, as it will be hard work having my three 24/7 with no respite at all. I love them dearly but they can be hard work. Suspected ASD and ADD in my eldest, and me, which doesn't help.

It depends on your job and your children really.

Misquoted above!! Definitely not that

It is work. It's a role that people choose for various reasons. In our case we don't have the village everyone else seems to have. School gates are mainly grandma's. Lucky them. But for us it was a case of £600 at least for nursery or manage ok on my partner's wage. So we did that. Nobody would do the school runs for me etc. So I'm needed at home. I understand people work around school etc. But then you have to consider sickness and school holidays etc.

I think the grass is always greener. Workers are going to think lucky them. Cups of tea. Pj days. Housework days. Taking kids for picnics in summer. But it's not exactly fun after a while. Same for us sahm. I look at workers and think it must be nice to know your parents will look after your kids and you can go have a chat and work with other adults and earn money. But it doesn't mean either role is any less.

I've only ever had one working mum irritate me. She's a snug 35 year old who has loads of friends and seems to think her son is the most amazing boy to of ever been born. She was told she couldn't have kids. She fell pregnant. She calls him her miracle. 9 months old she's back at work 8-5 Monday to Friday. Hardly ever has holidays off with him. School holidays she tags all the people who take care of her son for free so she can work. Then when he got a certificate from school last week saying he's a good kind friend she was so boastful. We've brought him up right. We've taught him how to be a kind decent person. We always knew you would be this way. Then he does some writing. Another boasty status saying how clever he is and how he's such a great full sweet boy and they have taught him how to work hard. Then she commented on an article once saying she is working to teach him you have to work in this life to get what you want.

Is that really a lesson that he will learn from? I feel like writing I doubt he's learned much from you because 90% of the time he's awake he's not with you. How is s she doing a better job than anyone else? Having a parent present is also a positive experience growing up.

*'If more men were SAHP the recognition of and value attributed to the role as work or labour would happen very quickly.

Tragic that instead of supporting each other in whatever we chose to do or have to do - vis a vis working or not as mothers - it comes down to some sort of depressing competition about one side having to have it harder or worse.'*

The correct quote ^ this is so true

Putting it on a cv is fine, there's many skills learnt whilst being a SAHM

It really depends on the job you are applying for. It's usually cringey. No need to hide your SAH years, of course not, but let's not pretend you now have the cv of a CEO and his PA all rolled in one. You don't. Unless you have been the PA of a CEO....

If you look after children that aren't your own and are paid for doing so, that's most definitely work.

Doing those same tasks for your own children doesn't count as work.

So it's not the activity, it's the person doing it?

I think what you’re saying is it’s a form of work, which it is. If you have the option to stay and look after your children yourself then that’s great but it’s also not an easy life like people make it out to be. I think stay at home parents often be seen to have an easy life and I don’t think there’s anything easy about raising children full time, I’d definitely consider that work. I am back at work now but I remember on maternity leave thinking to myself my high pressured job was actually easier than looking after a baby who doesn’t sleep!
People ‘work’ in nurseries which is looking after children all day - it is work! Just because you don’t get paid to look after your own children doesn’t take away the fact it is work. I agree with you OP.

@ssd Myself and my friends have had to hire before and now and again someone will put stay at home mum/homemaker in their employment section.

It's funny to us. Because it's ridiculous. And then the CV goes in the bin.

Put that you were unemployed from X year to Y due to the devious to raise children. But don't try to pass off being a SAHM as a job.

’Having a parent present is also a positive experience growing up’

I totally agree. I genuinely think this is one of the most important elements of helping a child to make long lasting relationships in life.

Well it’s work in the sense that you’re expending your time and effort on something and it’s (often) distinct from leisure time. Although of course time with your family can be leisure time too, so the boundaries are blurred.

Disagree with the definition of work as synonymous or interchangeable with ‘employment’. It’s not.

Cleaning your home is another type of work - it’s housework.

Academic work is another form of work that is not necessarily related to employment. Study can involve hours of work.

Life admin is work - sorting out the bills, writing letters to companies.

Caring for an ill or disabled relative can be work.

Work doesn’t exclusively mean employment (paid or unpaid). It can also mean an arduous task of some sort that is performed for a wider purpose rather than for its own sake (I.e. pleasure from the activity).

Lots of things are work that are distinct from employment.

@Cremebrule
It really is not the same as having a job and being accountable to a boss or organisation
I've seen a lot of responses like this regarding accountability to an organisation and having a boss that sets targets etc. This argument doesn't really stack up for the self-employed or owners of businesses who also won't have any of these things.

Other arguments about flexibility and ability to plan one's own day and activities also aren't universal. When I was at work at a managerial level I had plenty of opportunity to structure my day and delegate work how I saw fit. I actually have less flexibility as a SAHM who has to plan my day around naps, school runs and can't delegate anything to anybody else.

In short, if we are to adopt a very narrow and homogeneous view of what "work" looks like in an attempt to differentiate it from looking after children then many people in paid employment could also be viewed as not doing work either.

Watched a programme the other day whereby a woman had 4 children. Aged 7-14.
Referred to her self as a full time SAHM?
Why?
The kids are almost at school more time than they're not during the day (waking hours.. )
Surely you're not longer a full time.. mum. When the kids spend more time at school?

What skills are learnt by being a sahm those who work also have that role of parenting children running a home etc

We have all been a sahp at some point

If it’s classed as work then those working have two jobs - I personally would never class myself as having two jobs I have one job and I am a parent (single)

As a SAHM you have so much freedom, and can do what the eff you want, whenever you wish. Being in an actual JOB, is very restrictive, and is actually a real bind.

Not necessarily. I'm my own boss and work part time at home whenever I choose, so it's not restrictive at all. Not everyone has en employer or a rigid working life.

Referred to her self as a full time SAHM?
Why?

because that's what she is, why do you think?