Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Of course it’s work. Or much of it is. According to my technical definition of “doing stuff when you’d rather be doing something else”. But we barely pay new teachers much above minimum wage when calculated on an hourly basis. How much do you want for feeding and clothing your own offspring? Where’s the money going to come from?

It's true that we decide to have children (or not), so on the main, one should view spending time with them as a pleasure rather than work.

If you paid someone else to look after your children wouldn't you call that work? It's doesn't stop being work just because they are your own children.

of course it does.

yes, it's responsibilities and tasks to do. It's not "work" as in, it's not a CHORE. You chose to have children, presumably you actually enjoy spending time with them?

Since when is it fashionable to pretend kids are a burden that we are lumbered with? If you don't want kids, if you don't want to deal with your own childcare, then FFS don't have kids. You really don't have to.

I feel so sorry for all these kids resented by their parents.

And on another note, if you feel your job title defines who you are, you need to work on your issues. Not take it on the kids you chose to have.

I think OP if you want to call it work - knock yourself out if it makes you feel better about it

Of course there is 'work' involved with raising children, but it's different that work outside of the home. When I was a SAHM, it was challenging in that it was sometimes tedious, there were few breaks, and it was busy. However, it wasn't stressful, and it was flexible...if we didn't feel like going out, or I cba to do laundry, I didn't have to. I wasn't a great SAHM, because although I loved being with my babies, it was kind of boring, for the most part, and a little stress is good for me. Being at home was far, far easier than working ever was.

I look after my 2 year old and 7 month twins and I can honestly say... it doesn’t feel like I’m working.

We will never achieve equality while we denigrate the labour of women.

Of course its work.

However the constant redefinition of women's unpaid labour as "not work" is a good way to trivialise women's contribution to both the economy and society and minimise the status of women.

To me work is paid.
Looking after your own kids isn't paid work.
Looking after other people's kids ( for example being a childminder) is work if you are getting paid.
You can also volunteer to do work for free.

So maybe looking after your kids is volunteering

And here we have a classic example of how women are their own worst enemies.

It is the labour that is traditionally allocated to women in economic structures - and therefore of course it is not valued as work. Because women are not valued as much as men.

I seriously do not understand what is so difficult about being a SAHP (with the usual caveats). It’s insecurity that makes (mostly women) bang on and on about how difficult it is and how busy they are, because they feel the need to justify it.

It's not just paid employment that keeps our society going. The minute that we start othering unpaid work we devalue it

That's a fair point.

When they say women are their own worst enemies a thread like this would be a perfect piece of evidence to submit

If more men were SAHP the recognition of and value attributed to the role as work or labour would happen very quickly.

Tragic that instead of supporting each other in whatever we chose to do or have to do - vis a vis working or not as mothers - it comes down to some sort of depressing competition about one side having to have it harder or worse.

It's not work, it is parenting.

If more men were SAHP the recognition of and value attributed to the role as work or labour would happen very quickly.

or people would just recognise that having your own children is NOT work, but because it's a majority of women who chose to stay home (and are biologically the only ones who can carry, give birth and breastfeed a baby..) we like to play victims.

Why does it have to be a competition? For many of us maternity leave was a very welcome holiday.

@Babararara

No-one is denigrating SAHMs, but let's not kid ourselves that being a SAHM is the same as having to go out to work full time, meeting targets and goals, having to be at work at the same time every day, having to be there ALL day, often doing tasks you hate and that bore you shitless, spending most of your waking hours there, working with people you dislike, and people you wouldn't give the time of day if you weren't forced to work with them.

Whilst often working FOR someone you don't like, and who often has very little respect for you, doesn't care about you much, and would replace you at the drop of a hat if you underperform.

I am a mother, and have been a full-time SAHM, I have been a part-time working mother and I have been a full time working mother. The full time SAHM was definitely the easiest and best life. Yes, there is work involved, and SAHMs should not be undervalued, but don't insult peoples intelligence by saying it's the same as being in a full-time job working for an employer, because it really is not.

As a SAHM you have so much freedom, and can do what the eff you want, whenever you wish. Being in an actual JOB, is very restrictive, and is actually a real bind. I found full time work - even when I had no kids - really restrictive, depressing, and soul-destroying.

Being a SAHM was soooooooooo much better. Even a part time working mum was better, as I only had to go to work 2.5 days a week (I alternated... 2 days one week/3 days the next week.)

Now in my middle age (and with both kids left home,) I work around 25 hours a week, and two thirds of that is spent working from home. Luckily, I have a job that can easily be done largely at home.

I will never EVER work full time for an employer again.

@JustInCaseCakeHappens

For many of us maternity leave was a very welcome holiday.

100% this. ^

Many women on here won't like you saying that though.

Well yeah, it is work but it's not paid employment. What exactly are you trying to argue here?

If more men were SAHP the recognition of and value attributed to the role as work or labour would happen very quickly.

I think that if women really wanted this to happen, it would happen. Lots of women want to be SAHMs, but they generally don't really want SAH-husbands.

A few do, most don't.

Many women on here won't like you saying that though.

I am guessing they are the one who feel important because they have a "job", one of those with meetings and everything. Some people are like that...

I would be grateful if DH could get tax credit if I decide to stay home, and it became financially worth it (in our case). I can't the the only one! (and I don't even hate my job! Look, I am working right now.... )

No-ones devaluing the effort that parenting and running a home involves. But SAHPs acting as though it's tougher than any paid job are just getting defensive and silly. And in some cases downright lying. And that behaviour does the sisterhood no favours, and makes SAHMs sound stupid..

And as I said, I was a SAHM for some years.

Its a responsibility, not work.

I didn't consider looking after my kids to be work - I loved it! Now I go out to work, sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes it sucks. But I do it anyway cos I get paid. I looked after my children for love - comparing it to my job is nonsense.

Being a parent is a lifestyle choice, it is not work.

I suspect that it's very hard work but …….. I wouldn't advise putting it on your CV