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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

UPDATE Dragon Pulled Golden Carriage available for booking in August

278 replies

Mumofyoungteenagers · 11/03/2020 22:40

For all of you who read my not being invited to the day AIBU were wondering the outcome of my either, brilliant/rubbish/begging text or wether I was stupid to offer/ a good friend/ or only doing it to buy an invite here’s the update.

REPLY TEXT “Hi mumof...... yes I thought you might be disappointed in not receiving a day invite, and I know you would have loved to see me arrive at the ceremony, but I’m sure you’ll understand that as a bride I have to make some decisions that might be hurtful to others. But you’ll also understand that there is no malice intended, I’ll make sure you get to see all the photos so you’ll still get to see it.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you face to face, but you’ve been so poorly and I didn’t think you’d want to be disturbed by me calling round.

I’ll pop round for a coffee and a chat when you’re better, maybe you can help me choose gifts for the BM’s?

Hugs (bride)

MY REPLY..... Dear Bride, I think you may be disappointed to read this text, but I’m sure you’ll understand that as a ex friend I have to make decisions that might be hurtful to others. Obviously you’ll also understand that there is no malice intended, but I will not be making any more payments towards the dragon pulled golden carriage for your wedding,

I’m afraid also won’t be able to attend your weddings evening do as I’ll be on holiday with (hubs) but I’ll make sure you get to see all the photos so you’ll get to see where I went.

I’m sorry I’m not able to tell you face to face, but I don’t want make myself even more poorly by calling round.

Mumof........

I guess that’s the friendship over. Been crying a bit (a lot) hence the delay in replying. But it was a genuine offer at the time, I guess I shouldn’t have made it, but she was so sad at not having the dragon that I thought what better gift than this, she’s got enough toasters. I suppose gifts shouldn’t come with strings but I really was looking forward to being at the wedding I would have wanted to be there gift or no, but the tone of the reply was so dismissive I couldn’t bear to go or pay. And I tried not to be nasty but I feel so hurt. Hubs though is defo taking me away, illness allowing. (Silver lining)

Now of course I’ll be worried about how awful her day will be, no bride should have her day ruined etc etc. The drugs I’m currently being blitzed on do make me more melancholic and anxious but I’m a worrier anyway.

I hope I made the right decision.....

OP posts:
Medievalist · 12/03/2020 08:01

Why on earth start a new thread to give an update op? Confused

Windyatthebeach · 12/03/2020 08:01

Well done op. Nice you have a dh with mn spirit also...
Bridezilla is batshit.
Bet the choosing of bm gifts was via your debut card...

billy1966 · 12/03/2020 08:01

Respect OP👏👏👏

Great response.

ShatnersWig · 12/03/2020 08:03

With the best will in the world, who on earth (unless they are exceedingly wealthy) gives someone £600 to their wedding? Seriously? Unless you are parents of the bride or groom perhaps, but for a FRIEND?

What on earth were you thinking of in the first place??

ShirleyPhallus · 12/03/2020 08:03

Oh wow

lovemelongtime · 12/03/2020 08:05

I know it's sad but I had to log on this morning for an update. Class response! Log off and get on enjoying life. Well done for being brave

longwayoff · 12/03/2020 08:10

Surely a "Dragon pulled golden carriage" will make the Daily Mail. Then we can all have a laugh without the expenditure. Good luck to you OP, no loss other than money. Worth it to lose such an entitled leech.

ellendegeneres · 12/03/2020 08:10

Wow op. I’m sorry your ‘friend’ is such a bitch.

I’m also sorry you’re out of remission and hope that you and your dh have a wonderful holiday. Relaxing is exactly what you need

PondLover · 12/03/2020 08:17

Indeed, @ShatnersWig. The whole thing is odd. The OP doesn’t seem particularly close to the couple getting married, seems to have had some weird saviour impulse because she felt sorry for any bride not arriving in a vintage bus/coach and four/vintage plane, but viewed it as implying a full wedding invitation, and was furious when the couple clearly didn’t agree. She then sent an incredibly PA message to the bridesmaid faux-thanking her for considering her ill health by not inviting her to the day part but saying actually she’s fine, and will the bridesmaid tell the couple she’s coming to the day part, or will the OP. After which there’s a complete change of tone and her reply to the bride, even allowing for ‘hubs’’ involvement, is all suddenly Bitch Queen.

Orchidfeed · 12/03/2020 08:18

What a horrid non-friend she is! As a bride to be myself, I am trying to make decisions that don’t hurt or inconvenience anyone - why ever would I? - I don’t subscribe to the idea it’s your day yadda yadda... It’s a gathering of my favourite people and I want them all to have a good time

And a dragon coach would look fab in our setting... just saying 😂

LucyAutumn · 12/03/2020 08:22

Well done OP, a brilliant reply.

MzHz · 12/03/2020 08:22

I’d missed all this and have read but all, I’m so hurt on your behalf @Mumofyoungteenagers!

You (and your h) have worded things perfectly!

Hopefully the bride will have the grace to accept your decision, but I doubt it...

Graciebobcat · 12/03/2020 08:26

The way she says "As a bride" like "As the Prime Minister" is hilarious. She is as rough as a badger's arse.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 12/03/2020 08:27

"Hubs" though.

Is it me, but why is the mode of transport too outing to post after you've copied and pasted (literally unbelievably bizarre) texts from someone?

Graciebobcat · 12/03/2020 08:31

Also, please can someone link to the previous thread?

AntMansVan · 12/03/2020 08:34

.

Ihavenoidewhatsgoingon · 12/03/2020 08:34

If they won’t refund the deposit could you, hubs and sone friends use the £150 towards something else they do? Maybe a trip to the pub in the dragon carriage?

Ihavenoidewhatsgoingon · 12/03/2020 08:35

Or a quick trip past the wedding party 😂😂😂

strawberry2017 · 12/03/2020 08:37

I'm glad you found out her true colours before you paid the full amount.
I'm sorry you lost a friend but it sounds like you will be better off without her anyway.

cologne4711 · 12/03/2020 08:41

OP, there is a demon bitch from hell in this story but it's not you.

Enjoy your holiday and I hope your recovery carries on.

Greenkit · 12/03/2020 08:45

Bloody fabulous reply

Well done 👌👍

Now have a wonderful holiday xxx

MummytoCSJH · 12/03/2020 08:51

@Lynda07 well what's the point in any thread then?! Nobody needs to share any information on mumsnet, do they Hmm

OP you've handled this fantastically.

VettiyaIruken · 12/03/2020 08:52

If she has the nerve to complain, suggest to her that she ask someone she seemed worthy of attending her wedding to pay.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 12/03/2020 08:54

Well what a tale
Outrageous
Poor you OP

JaneR0chester · 12/03/2020 08:55

Have I understood both threads correctly? Are you still going to pay the £600 @Mumofyoungteenagers ?

If you are, you're a better person than me. Giving the £600 to charity would sit better with me, than to this wedding!