To find the phrase ‘they’re only young once’ very irritating?

[Twistsandturns]

Usually said by mother’s who choose not to work or to work very little. Never heard it said to a man. I work full time. We don’t have a lot of time during the week but we have lovely weekends together. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on their childhood

*mothers!

Ah, a new way to have a dig at sahms.

Go to work, don't go to work. Feel guilty about it, don't feel guilty about it. Whatever you do will be wrong in someone's eyes.

If you're happy with your choices why would you care?

I've worked, and I've stayed at home and I was criticised equally for doing both. And I don't feel bad about doing either of them.

I work full time too and I am aware my DD is only small for such a short time and I hate people rubbing it in too. I have to work though.

Yanbu

Sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder towards stay at home mums and their reasoning behind not going back to work.

I too have worked, but I found I didnt feel like I had enough time with my kids only seeing them for 2 days out of 7 and it was purely for them "only being little once" that we totally changed our lifestyle and I gave up paid employment to look after them myself.

If you are truly happy with your decision then why would you care what others say?

I think everyone is entitled to have their own reasons to be a SAHM.

YANBU - no one throws this awful platitude at men, and it’s a dreadful thing to say, full of implicit judgment at those who choose (or need) to ‘waste’ those younger years at work. Indeed, it’s hardly a choice for most people - if I didn’t work my DS wouldn’t have a roof over his head and food to eat!

Of course OP isn’t having a dig at SAHMs or the choices they make. The ‘dig’ is at people who trot out the kind of hideous phrases.

Their explaining the reason why they have decided to put work on hold, nothing wrong with that.

I come from a family of women who don't take much maternity leave and i was persuaded to go back to work when my youngest was 18 months, it's one of my only regrets in life.

They are only little for a short space of time and some women enjoy their children and are able to SAH, it's a valid choice.

We don't have a labour shortage. It's ridiculous that people 50+ struggle to get work, but parents with young children are over stressed.

They are only young once. It is true. It is something everyone should bear in mind. It doesn't mean you can't work. It just means enjoy them when you can. Let them have a good childhood. Have fun with them. Give them good experiences. That kind of thing. It does not mean a parent should not work.

‘They’re only young once’ - ah, thanks for pointing that out - there was me thinking my DC would be two forever.

It’s true, they’re ‘only young once’. But that’s no reason not to cut your maternity leave short, like I did.

@recreationalcalpol, in fairness, DS being two did feel as if it lasted forever.

some women enjoy their children

That’s where I’m going wrong - I merely tolerate mine.

I don't have any issue with sahps, but I hate this phrase because it implies such judgement of working mums.

OP, if it helps, my standard response to this nonsense is usually: ‘god, I know. Thank fuck for that

I got this when I went back to work with a 3 month old dd. My job doesn’t allow for a long leave and actually I hated maternity leave. I’m part time but wish I could work more. I love her to bits but she’s an extremely hard work 2 year old (who I enjoy a break from).

@recreationalcalpol, see the response below your last comment, some women do not want to be and would not contemplate being a SAHM. Some partly because they don't enjoy spending their day as a SAHM. That's what i meant by enjoying their children. Many men don't seem to enjoy their small children, so you wouldn't hear this as, much from Fathers. There's also social conditioning at play.

"they're not little for long", "enjoy your 20's/30's, life is different 40+" etc etc is just giving the benefit hindsight.

There's threads on here were mothers think it's too late to go back to studying, in their 30's. I'd say that your 30's is a time were you can think about how you want life to be in your 50's/60's.some people don't seem to get that this is it and it will come to an end and a new phase will start.

People say this to working and non working parents. People say it when your child's a few weeks old and when they're 10.

Some people use it in a judgmental way - some people are just making small talk.

Sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder towards stay at home mums and their reasoning behind not going back to work.
I didn't get that at all from the OP.

It sounds like the OP thinks people make whatever choices are right for their families and yet some women can't help making silly snidey comments towards other mother's who've made different choices that translate to 'of course I am making the most of DC's younger years whilst you're going to miss out on everything because you chose work tut tut tut (insert fake smile here)'.
The OP is right that this sort of comment is directed to mums in a way that it isn't to fathers.

People said this to me when mine were under 5 or so and I looked like I was having a hard day (or said I was)... and I was a SAHM. People act like it's a crime not only to not be with your young children every day but also to enjoy every moment too.

I don't mind when the parent who says it is actually a dedicated, fun, creative parent, who genuinely enjoys spending any minute of her time with her kids.

However, I've heard it from mums who spend most of their time online, on their phone, talking with their friends, the type who constantly ignore their kids despite the child wanting to speak with them, and who finally snap at them and tell them to stop being annoying. Then when you start talking about work with them, they critize working mum with statements such as 'I think going to nursery is bad for young kids as they don't get much attention amongst all the others' and 'I want to enjoy my kids whilst they are little, they are only young for so long'.

So true isn't it! Actually the first 3 years of a childs life are very important in terms of physical and emotional development.

Maybe the poor mental health of our young adults and teenagers has something to do with parents being forced back into work...
Not helpful and don't really want to judge, but i have been wondering about this!

I had to start the transition back to work after only five months of adoption leave, I had already missed lots of firsts, steps, crawls, words etc, so to miss more has been really painful at times. I luckily managed to change to a different employer so I could work four shorter days a week so I can do drop off and my son isn’t in after school club for too long. Working full time wouldn’t work for me, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing for other families.

dontdisturbmenow
I also don't mind it if it's said by friends and family in the sense of "you're having a bad day, but have a cup of tea, and remember they're only young for a little while".

I hate it when it comes from a place of 'my parenting decisions are better than yours', which usually goes hand in hand with comments about how damaging nursery is, how working parents probably cause lots of the teen mental health issues, how they're #makingmemories etc

Surely these types of comments only
Come around because of the immense judgement SAHMs face/them looking for some sort of justification to avoid being tarred with brushes like “lazy”!

It's a bit twee, but it depends on how it's being used.

With regard to working parents, I found my DCs needed me more after going to school. They were happily settled in the cosy world of nursery, but find the school years more complex and tiring.

I usually find that the phrase is used more about indulging things like a toddler falling asleep on you, behaviours that they are very likely to grow out of by 25.