To find the phrase ‘they’re only young once’ very irritating?

[Twistsandturns]

Usually said by mother’s who choose not to work or to work very little. Never heard it said to a man. I work full time. We don’t have a lot of time during the week but we have lovely weekends together. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on their childhood

Although actually I would never say this. If someone asks me why I’m a SAHM I just say “I want to be”. And that’s it. Doesn’t stop me from receiving a fuck load of patronising comments about “worthwhile” things I could do instead (from supposed friends) or “not contributing” (PIL).

I’m
Pregnant with a toddler so hardly chilling all day!

*pregnant, with a toddler. Not pregnant with a toddler! 😛

It's true though.

But it’s true, they are only this young once.

After my second son was born I went part time because I wanted to spend more time with my children than full time work allowed.

I know that not every family can make that choice for financial reasons, but families who do make that choice shouldn’t be sneered at.

I don't think anyone is sneering at stay at home parents. I am well aware that my son will only be small for a short period of time. However I have a job that I enjoy and we can't afford for me not to work so telling me he'll only be small once isn't helpful. I am not stupid I am aware. It doesn't however change my circumstances. It just makes me feel guilty that I'll be putting him into nursery.

It is true though. I'm a SAHM. I've never felt the need to justify it to anyone nor do I take any offence to what people say. Because you know why? I'm happy about my decision as is my husband and I would imagine the children are. Do what works for you. Dont feel the need to criticise others it makes you look jealous

I loathe the expression too, and nothing to do with whether or not you are a SAHM.

It's just such a ridiculously twee comment, equally twee are comments such as 'we always have lovely times at weekends', 'family time', 'making memories'. Etc Etc.

It is true though. I'm a SAHM. I've never felt the need to justify it to anyone nor do I take any offence to what people say. Because you know why? I'm happy about my decision as is my husband and I would imagine the children are. Do what works for you. Dont feel the need to criticise others it makes you look jealous

Excellent example of the sort of attitude from sahps we are talking about here. Lots of subtle critism of people who have made different choices.

I felt v and when people said stuff like this when was into year 3 of sleep deprivation and MH issues exacerbated by lack of sleep.

YANBU. For those parents who can’t be SAHP it’s always going to sound like a dig about them missing their children grow up. I don’t really understand why those who say it don’t realise how cruel it can sound to people who don’t have the opportunities they do to stay at home.

Take the chip of your shoulder!

Also thought: THANK GOD they’re only young once!

The thing about "they're only little once" is it can be used to justify staying at home AND going back to work.

They're only little once - so why not stay at home with them, why have kids and have someone else raise them, it's just a short time

They're only little once - so why deep six your career and earning potential for just a short time, they'll be in school before you know it and yo I'll never get back to where you were

So it can be used as a cudgel by both sides on the other. You are 100% right OP that I have seldom heard it said to men, in either sense of the phrase!!!

I'd say in response, you'll never be this young again either and you only get one life.

How will you get back into the work force once they're older or do you plan to do nothing for the rest of your life because you had children.

They are only young once. It is true. It is something everyone should bear in mind. It doesn't mean you can't work. It just means enjoy them when you can. Let them have a good childhood. Have fun with them. Give them good experiences. That kind of thing. It does not mean a parent should not work

This. Good experiences doesn't have to always be with parents. Could be with friends, carers, other relatives. I used to like the novelty of getting the bus into our local town with my aunt when she visited, as she didn't drive.

And anyway, some people prefer their kids as they get older and don't really like the little kid stage so are happy to outsource that bit! And no, don't say "why do you bother to have kids then". There's no point depriving someone of a life because you don't want to spend every waking hour with them when they are 3, but will enjoy it a lot more when they are 10.

I guess it is a bit twee but if someone asks and it is the reason for you, what are you supposed to say?

@Stompythedinosaur - not sure what type of "attitude" you took from my post . There was no subtle criticism

I don’t really understand why those who say it don’t realise how cruel it can sound to people who don’t have the opportunities they do to stay at home
They do understand most of the time. It's intended to be a cruel dig or pat on their back at the expense of others, unless part of a supportive conversation reassuring someone this stage/difficulty will pass.

YANBU- hate that phrase. Yes I probably am sensitive as I had to go back full time, but someone said it at a kids party as her and her husband each work 4 days, she added “otherwise why have kids”

I am making the most of dd2 she’s year 6 I’ve got about a year tops before she’s lost to me for a few years. 13/14 year olds are fab but rightfully biologically programmed to bin you off.

I stayed at home not because I wanted to be spend every waking moment with my baby or because I thought I was a 'superior' mother by being at home, it was just a whole lot easier than trying to juggle a career and raising a child - I am basically very lazy and took the 'easy' option - clearly I recognise that I am very fortunate to have the 'choice'. I did not focus solely on my child during my SAHM years (he was in playschool/nursery from 9-3 from age 2) - I did a huge range of interesting voluntary work and hobbies .... it was a great time for me .

Despite my earlier comment I agree there are those that deliver it either without realising it might cause upset or intentionally, but the same is equally true of people in other situations.

As hopefully temporary SAHM to toddler I've had a lot of people imply that it's a shame we can't offer big holidays, bigger house etc as we are on one income. People always think they know best for you and your kids but don't always know the specifics of the situation.

It’s true as a phrase and if someone uses it and you feel guilty or bad, then ask yourself why?

It’s more about you and your feelings than anyone else’s.

IME, it's something only a certain kind of Sahm says - usually those who didn't work much either before having DC to justify their continuous non working. It's not something I really hear from people who just went for a career break to look after DC or who could not afford childcare.

It has been said to me a few times (only took 10 months mat leave with each child before going back) by aforementioned type of mums always came across as snide and rude as to suggest I would not put my children first. well I did, working and earning is part of parenting as you have to provide for the child.

I would just ignore these comments.

I’m a working mother. I use this phrase because they are only young once, my days off with my daughter are precious and I don’t like missing out on her growing up. I usually say this to my husband when he is planning yet another weekend activity that doesn’t involve our child.