To find the phrase ‘they’re only young once’ very irritating?

[Twistsandturns]

Usually said by mother’s who choose not to work or to work very little. Never heard it said to a man. I work full time. We don’t have a lot of time during the week but we have lovely weekends together. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on their childhood

SahM's get disproportionally high criticism when what a sahP is a natural, positive healthy thing to do imo.

Absolutely. It’s pure misogyny and undervaluing of women’s labour. Only paid work is respected and makes you a good “role model” 🙄. Refuse to buy into that mindset. (Sahm 6 years set up own business now higher rate tax payer)

It’s disingenuous to talk about SAHPs, when there is such a tiny number/proportion of SAHDs.

It’s not any more “natural” for a mother to SAH than to do paid work.

I don't mind the phrase at all and I like my children to have me available more than two days a week. Do what works for you, just don't criticise others to ease your own guilt. I am not going to look back and wish I'd spent less time with my children. Some working parents may wish they had spent more time with their children looking back, others are happy in their choice. Many parents who stay at home or work part time make sacrifices to do so giving up holidays, having spare cash to spend etc. Own your decision but never judge the decision of others.

It's a truthful saying.
I wouldn't have missed my two growing up for the world. To say op, that you don't feel you are missing out on their childhood, is a fantasy, you are missing a huge chunk of it.
That's not being judgemental, just a fact.
So much changes every day, it's amazing and to spend that time with them is precious.
I really feel for those who have to work, as so many do now, just to keep a roof over their heads, but those who choose to spend time away from their children is really sad.
I got my phd done whilst at home with the babies, so to say it's not stimulating, well, it's what you make it.

ceecee you say not to judge others, but your post is full of judgemental comments!

I really don't get why people have to cruise people who make different choices. Both SAH and WOH have advantages and disadvantages. Some people don't have a choice. It's best just not to comment on such a personal thing, I think.

*criticize.

Ruby odfod

Presumably you spending time completing a PhD is not "sad"? That you chose not to spend that time appreciating the "precious changes" that occur every minute?

Stop criticising other women for not making the same choice you did. Stop peddling the cheap (and mysogynistic) narrative that any woman who doesn't fully sacrifice her personal wishes on the altar of motherhood is evil.

Do you feel the same about men who work? Is there something sad and damaging to children about that too?

I really feel for those who have to work, as so many do now, just to keep a roof over their heads, but those who choose to spend time away from their children is really sad.

Do you feel equally sad for all the men who choose to go to work? Do you spend your time telling them how sad they should be? Or aren't they missing out on exactly the same things?

I was in a senior position in my career pre-kids and always thought I'd be a working mum. However I got made redundant on maternity leave and had the choice to stay home. For me, I made the decision to stay home (DH was supportive either way) because 'they're only little for a short time.' Do I enjoy every moment? No! Do I have days where I'd love to be back at work? Yes! But for me the good far outweighs the bad and I don't regret my decision. I feel lucky to spend so much time with them, for days not to be too rushed and to be able to be spontaneous with what we do. Soon they won't want to be seen in public with me, so I'll take whatever I can get now! TBH I think I'll enjoy the older dc years more, but I'll never regret this time with them. When I go back to work it will be to a different career, as my previous one was too long hours and time away from home. Everyone's situation is different and I think we need to be a bit more understanding of people's individual choices - whatever they may be.

do you think that about fathers WoH too, Rubyupbeat, or just mothers? You seem to have some sexist beliefs.

Children ARE only children for a small part of their lives. That has nothing to do with SAH.

You're in denial - you are missing out Yeah OP didn't you know random anonymous stranger knows your thoughts better than you. (Seriously though, how creepy that they think they do!)

*I really feel for those who have to work, as so many do now, just to keep a roof over their heads, but those who choose to spend time away from their children is really sad.
*
I don't have to work to keep a roof over my head. I don't choose to work to spend time away from my children.

I choose to work because i know what it is to grow up on the breadline - when my dad lost his job and mom was a SAHM and we suddenly went from being comfortable to nothing.
I know what it is to miss out on holidays and school trips because when he went back to work his one wage just about kept our heads above water.
I know what happens when your parents separate and neither can really afford to house you or clothe you.

I'm looking forward to my children being able to experience life because the extra income from us both working makes us pretty comfortable - and if one of us was to lose our jobs we'd be ok.

I'd rather my children grow up being able to do the things they want to do, and me feel mom guilt, than them just have an ok childhood.

My best friend in primary school has a SAHM, single-parent. I had a single-parent mum who worked. She might have been jealous of all the nice things I had and could afford to do, but I was jealous of how much time she got to spend with her mum. I loved going to her house and spending time with them when my own mum was working on a Saturday, and I remember feeling really sad I didn't have that kind of relationship with my mum. I'd have traded places any day.

@Stompythedinosaur
Wonderful vocabulary (odfod) plus, I'm not your 'dear' Why get abusive, is it the guilt 'dear'?
Completing a phd and I had my babies present, so no I didn't miss out on precious time, it was mainly done at night, during naps or sunny days with them asleep in their prams.
@coreythatwas Maybe I am old fashioned, sexist supposedly , but I dont feel the same about fathers.
As for children growing up doing what they want to do as there is money available is bs. My parents didn't have much money at all, but I dont remember any of that, just the time we spent together with my mum, my dad worked. My mum was a teacher so was a working parent but always available.

Ruby it's good that you can recognise the your view is sexist.

Strange that your dm was able to work but be available to her dc, but you are certain that strangers on the internet can't be. It's almost like you just want to put others down.

My situation is that both me and the dc's father work flexibly around each other, so we both have careers but the dc have a parent with them. For our family, it is perfect. That doesn't negate anyone else finding a different set up works for them, and I feel no impulse to criticise the way others do things.

Each to their own, some people don’t work, some people have to, some people chose to. BUT that phrase, although true, is highly emotive and judgemental towards working mothers so why say it?

TBH I judge all sorts of people, those who eat an unhealthy diet, those who don’t exercise, those who smoke. But it’s not socially acceptable for me to say to cast judgement on their characteristics.

Once you’re a Mum though it’s socially acceptable to be judged on any aspect of your parenting. The society we live in is screwed up.

Anyway I will have lots of opportunity not to ‘miss out’ over the coming weeks as one DC is off at home with a non-coronavirus occasional cough and schools will be probably close soon. Coronavirus is coming to show me the error of my ways

If someone spouts a cliche at you, the best thing is to nod wisely and spout another cliche back. I find "True, true, we'll all be dead soon enough" in sepulchral tones closes the conversation down nicely, but you could have fun with it by making up something suitably cryptic: "Ah, many a cabbage thinks it's a fish".

If someone is a having a dig about anything, you don't need to just take it. Look solemn and reply enigmatically. You have to find your amusement where you can.

That’s what I said earlier. People spout cliches to fill the conversation gaps. Most people are spectacularly uninterested in you or your kids and only concerned with their own affairs.

Bibliomania I love that!

I heard it a lot as a SAHM with young kids- wasn't what I'd expcted life threw curved balls - we were broke but covering basics and me working wasn't going to cover chidlcare bills.

It was said a lot to me by few parents "making memories" who could afford to pay for more expensive outings and holidays and it was often it context of a vailed critism that my kids were missing out which at the time did hurt.

Also heard it when my kids did extra work at home - again as critism but it did mean they got to point of enjoying school and doing well there.

Othertimes it clearly just been small talk.

Rubyupbeat You did a PHD? So you didn't spend every sleeping and waking moment staring at your children? What kind of mother are you? Don't you know it's the only thing any woman of any value should be doing? Not men mind you, they can have jobs and a family and hobbies because they are the superior sex. All hail the mighty penis.