To think most women wouldn't want to go back to their 20s and date men of today

[penelopepitstopsgain]

Now I don't look at the past with rose tinted glasses as I'm sure sexual deviants have existed since time began, however having read this story today of grime artist, solo 45, being convicted of horrific sexual assaults on multiple partners which included waterboarding, threatening with guns and beating for sexual gratification it struck me how, in a relatively short period of time, sexual boundaries have been pushed to breaking point for many women with practices such as strangulation and slapping seen by many as vanilla sex.

I would never want to go back to my 20s and face dating todays' porn inspired men and feel very sad for young women having to navigate this.
If you would love to go back to your 20s and date = YABU
If you would rather stick pins in your eyes= YANBU

I think a move to far more sex with strangers or people you’ve just met plays a huge part. An increase in hedonistic, anything goes attitudes poses a real risk to young people and undermines the family unit as a basis for a stable society.
Casual sex with strangers is obviously much, much higher risk than sex within a loving and committed relationship. If you know someone well before committing to sex, if you understand they are kind, respectful and gentle then you are more likely to experience a comfortable and relaxed physical relationship without any pressure to perform acts you are not entirely comfortable with.

Maybe ask who is raising that man

Naturally, you mean his father.

Or is it another one of those "Dad reaps the credit, Mum takes the blame" sort of deals? 🤔

Well obviously phones are a game changer: no one used to carry a camera around and take pictures of you naked, let alone film you. No one posted you Polaroids of their dick.

Yes the video shop on the corner had a few blue movies, but you had to be totally hard faced to ask for them. I remember my boyfriend’s mate watched porn films in the 80s and everyone thought he was a right saddo and too weird to ever get a girlfriend.

Smiling to myself at the memory of how well thumbed and battered our copy of The Joy of Sex was.

@PicsInRed AND WOMEN

Parents should teach all their children to be respectful and want a respect🤷 nice way to pick just part which suited you

DD is 18 & loves all the choicy men today.
She is wildly more confident than I was. Her gen seems incredibly capable at being direct & honest with each other, no shame in asking each other out, etc.
I admire them a lot.

Sexually predatory makes were a big part of my 20s. I don't think much has changed. I certainly don't think things were better 'back in the day' which is what you are perhaps implying? It really was just as bad. The only difference is that nowadays someone might believe you.

There are limitless mothers with scummy sons who cannot see the flaws

What about the fathers? Or is this solely the mothers' fault??

Asking for a friend

The story referred to in the OP is shocking.

However, just because people like things other than 'vanilla' doesn't make it wrong.

I am mid 30's divorced with 3 Dc. I have sexual relations with a man in his early 20's.

We like BDSM, we discussed our boundaries before anything surpassed 'vanilla'. He is very kinky, we reach my limits before his...
He is simply the most respectful man I have ever been with, he has not once pushed or coerced me into anything I did not want to do.

One of life's good guys and any woman he ends up dating/starting a relationship will be very lucky. Just because it is not to your taste does not mean it is wrong.

Just because it is not to your taste does not mean it is wrong

It’s wrong if one party is being pressured into doing things they find uncomfortable or abhorrent.

A lot of the comments here display so much ignorance.

Deprived people (not just men) have been around since the dawn of time (well, the human race anyway). Look into the sexual habits of people during the Victorian era, for example, they were very "proper" in public, but many were very sexually charged, experimental and such in private.

As for "deviants", rapists and those into torture sex, that's most definitely not new. A lot of big stars from the 70s and 80s are being outted as rapists, child molesters and other monstrous things and it's fair to assume that many of those were doing this kind of shit in their younger years too.

TV and social media has made it easier to hear about those things, but that doesn't make it a new phase in the human race.

FFS, look at cases like David Parker Ray (The Toy Box Killer) as an example of how messed up someone was before social media.

Also, for those who are shocked and appalled at the types of sex people have "nowadays", have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra? That's been around since 400 BCE–200 CE.

Young men don’t have a clue about consent and pleasure

Wtf? I appreciate that this is an emotive topic for some people but there is no need to make such nasty comments about an entire subset of people. There are plenty of young men who do know about these things. Please be careful when passing judgement.

I’m early 30s and dated guys in their 20s and 30s up until 2 years ago. I never encountered any weirdness in them sexually and they were respectful both inside and outside of bed.

The only weirdo I dated that had some very odd and misogynistic sexual preferences was in his 40s and since he wasn’t very handsome/ rich or anything special in particular, I doubt that girls in their 20s now would be interested in him since he was old enough for some of them to be their father.

Women are dying because men think choking women is a turn on but no we must never express a view on that, or we get accused of being vanilla.

People can express any views they want. Lots of young men are very good - eg my 3 sons. They understand about obtaining consent.

A general point for everyone is that probably since the dawn of time it has been wiser to have sex with people you really know well. Although I support the right these days for men and women to have lots of casual sex with strangers if they like it always was and always will be risky business.

I’m astonished at all the people who confidently assert that their sons are the pinnacle of perfection, you all sound like Violet Kray. I have absolutely no idea what my son’s sexual preferences are and nor do I want to know.

Women are dying because men think choking women is a turn on

Being choked can turn people on, not just men being turned on by choking.

Who, for proudly displaying their disgusting behaviour towards young women openly on tv Ah yes, Geordie Shore, because the women's behaviour is just delightful of course.

I'm late 30s and trying OLD. The amount of chancers of all ages who expect me to put myself at huge risk and turn up at their house for sex when I don't even know them is terrifying. I'm not sure what being in one's twenties has to do with it though?! The risk is to any woman dating. And bear in mind that the number of women killed by a sexual partner - or previous partner has remained constant for as long as records have been kept. I think the internet has just made us more aware of what many men are really like.

It's not the men who are dying is it though?

People comparing mags to what children / teens are accessing now are living in cloud cuckoo land.
The amount of denial and ignorance from older women about their sons and younger women about how wonderfully woke life is now is laughable.

We arent talking about deviants or paedos here, but the average male, who’s mind has been warped by porn which is not what you saw on a vhs in the 90s. Wake up.

OP and heaven are spot on.

I dated in the '70s and '80s. Casual sex and one night stands were considered completely normal and acceptable. Boys/men did ask for anal and things like nude photos (polaroids, lol), if you said no that was an end to it. No one ever did anything remotely violent or abusive to ne during sex, if they'd even mentioned it I would have run a mile. Maybe I was just lucky though.
I never heard of choking during sex until a few years ago and that was reading a book about a murder case. It blows my mind that people consent to this.

It was always there in their heads though. I went through the 80s, 90s and 00s quietly suspecting that lots of men and boys i met hated me for no reason i could identify. Online porn has merely confirmed those suspicions. The market was always there.

Yes I worry about the consent message. Consent does not mean that is what is done is kind, respectful or without impact. Young men may be careful to get consent. The only issue is what is asked and how. It’s not a new problem but the mainstreaming of hardcore porn has affected sex crime. Some of these cases are horrific. The perpetrators all claim it was consensual- the mainstreaming of hardcore porn means that consent looks different to young men than many older people think of it.

So many people here seem invested in defending young men of today. Pretending porn is exactly the same as it was in the 80s or that it’s just a few perverts.

Go look at porn hub, see the hatred for women for yourself and ask why it’s so in demand if it’s only a few men who like seeing women hurt and humiliated.

I wouldn’t want to be a young girl or woman today for anything.

The perpetrators all claim it was consensual- the mainstreaming of hardcore porn means that consent looks different to young men than many older people think of it

Not just the perpetrator who thinks it - look at the men who have got off with straggling their partner to death and claim it was consensual, and the judge and jury BELIEVE him, they now think women want bottles of bleach shoved inside them, or be choked so hard they could die, or want gang bangs with strangers they don’t even know.