To think most women wouldn't want to go back to their 20s and date men of today

[penelopepitstopsgain]

Now I don't look at the past with rose tinted glasses as I'm sure sexual deviants have existed since time began, however having read this story today of grime artist, solo 45, being convicted of horrific sexual assaults on multiple partners which included waterboarding, threatening with guns and beating for sexual gratification it struck me how, in a relatively short period of time, sexual boundaries have been pushed to breaking point for many women with practices such as strangulation and slapping seen by many as vanilla sex.

I would never want to go back to my 20s and face dating todays' porn inspired men and feel very sad for young women having to navigate this.
If you would love to go back to your 20s and date = YABU
If you would rather stick pins in your eyes= YANBU

@potholeParadise

I don't disagree with you, there's actually nothing I disagree with there.

Look, BDSM is not sex. It involves the infliction of pain or injury for sexual gratification. You can’t consent to that so stop muddying the waters and saying “consensual sex”.

It’s violent conduct that you have said okay to. It doesn’t make it legal. Tough.

Langsdestiny yes, thank you.

I'm glad to hear it, Muna

To make it very clear, I do not care what you or any other genuinely consenting adult does with an equally consenting adult partner. I don't have the mental energy to think about that.

But violence against women is being disguised as BDSM and the victims' own fault, and that is not okay.

@speakout but the focus is not on marriage back in the day vs now but on relationships and dating- some interactions rarely make it past a month never mind marriage - it's hardly a contentious issue to suggest that back in the day men were satisfied largely with a woman agreeing to have sex with them.. now sex has been largely redefined and can encompass a whole range of things that would have been considered deranged - I guess the question begs where do we go next? bestiality, public shaming, consuming body waste ? There is an appetite for more extreme humiliation of women almost to the point that the sex act itself plays a periphery part and for these reasons I feel sorry for young women today who have to navigate what I never had to

Can someone point out what decade "back in a day" is and what do you consider "now"?

Who are you asking? I’d have thought now was pretty self explanatory.

Look, BDSM is not sex. It involves the infliction of pain or injury for sexual gratification.

No, it is not about that at all. If you think that then you clearly have no idea.

I think it is. It’s sadomasochistic behaviour. That was it’s old name before someone put bondage and domination in front of it as an acronym.

The sadist enjoys inflicting pain, the masochist asks and enjoys receding it. That’s a relationship that is core. The gratification is for both parties. And because it rests on physically violent acts then in it is violent. There are lots of people who enjoy this - not that this is a new impulse.

I dare say there are lots of people think that a bit of light restraint and a blind fold and it’s BDSM. Maybe only in the sense if you think a pair of handcuffs and a blindfold mean BDSM. If that’s your “BDSM” which is less Marquis de Sade and more like Anne Summers, then don’t worry.

Otherwise for matters like strangulation, caning, whipping etc. That is all assault, and just because you do it to get off does not make it legal. S&M as it used to be called is about a person deriving sexual gratification from a sadistic act. That bit is still in the mix.

Yes I am well familiar with “it’s an amazing power exchange which is incredibly hot” aspect. You can define that however you like. That’s really unimportant in terms of what is violence, which is objectively defined.