To think most women wouldn't want to go back to their 20s and date men of today

[penelopepitstopsgain]

Now I don't look at the past with rose tinted glasses as I'm sure sexual deviants have existed since time began, however having read this story today of grime artist, solo 45, being convicted of horrific sexual assaults on multiple partners which included waterboarding, threatening with guns and beating for sexual gratification it struck me how, in a relatively short period of time, sexual boundaries have been pushed to breaking point for many women with practices such as strangulation and slapping seen by many as vanilla sex.

I would never want to go back to my 20s and face dating todays' porn inspired men and feel very sad for young women having to navigate this.
If you would love to go back to your 20s and date = YABU
If you would rather stick pins in your eyes= YANBU

Hmm, I'm mid fifties, went to uni, was quite alternative and slept around a bit until my early 20s.

Anal was weird. It was what gay men did (not all, many didn't like it) and if a straight bloke mentioned it (and I think only one ever did) you would think he probably had issues. None of my friends would ever have remotely even entertained anal.

Choking (not even going to dignify it by calling it breathplay) I never ever came across. And quizzing DH, who went round the block even more than me, neither did he.

I had lots of fun, often experimental sex with boys who were keen, respectful and grateful. The only one remotely unpleasant and rough was a posh boy I was friends with and had been quite keen on beforehand. However looking back, I suspect he was just clumsy and inexperienced. Of course AIDS put the dampeners on everything.

I have grown up children. I hope my son is respectful; he's a gentle sort of person and girls like him. DH and I have always talked to him about treating girls nicely. My daughters have been brought up to have lots of self respect and not do anything they don't want to. Eldest just laughed at the idea of anal or choking and said that's never going to happen. She has dumped seemingly lovely boys very quickly though, so possibly stuff she's not telling. Younger one is in a relationship with a girl. She has dated boys but tends to like girls more. Not sure if she has actually slept with a boy to be honest (she's 20).

@SudokuQueen

Can I just point out, it's your generation that raised us? Well done on your fuck up I guess?

😂😂😂

these issues are now part of mainstream discourse not, as previously, something that relatively few feminists had to raise in the teeth of mainstream culture

I think you’ll find the women from the Ford shop floor who achieved equal pay were very ordinary women who would have laughed at the idea of being feminists. They were angry. A lot of us were in the 70s. It’s frankly insulting to be told how much better feminists you are now than “the older generation”.

Not sure if anyone agrees with me, but my generation (50-55) all had lovely, meaningful sex with partners and got to sleep with who we liked, but we missed anal, bondage, S&M etc. I never heard about any of that. It was missionary, on top or a bit of doggy if you were really adventurous. Loads of orgasms this end

Some of the stuff I hear about now just doesn't sound very enjoyable TBH. Is it a case of this is what young people have seen on porn and this is what they think they should be doing to be part of the crowd?

Some of the stuff I hear about now just doesn't sound very enjoyable TBH

I have met plenty of people in your age range and kinky events. It may not do it for you, but you are naive if you think all people over 50 are having vanilla missionary sex

Ps. It's possible to have kinky sex that is also "lovely, meaningful sex with partners"

Damn, *at kinky events.

In fact, they tend to outnumber us younger folk!

Mostly no but have a secret crush on a young man in his 20s who I would love to educate on what real women want and love. As I’m in my 50s I doubt I’ll ever have the opportunity but thank god for fantasy land😁
I suspect by the time they reach their 30s most men realise that real sex is very different to porn sex and quite frankly much more fun. Not having to angle your body for the camera must be a great relief when they realise that they only do it for the camera🤣
Like many women of my age anal is off the table and choking is just weird. Everything else, well have pretty much done it all. DH and I were pretty adventurous and in our early days together were fit body wise so risky outdoor sessions were exciting.
I have always been partial to sex with someone I’m not meant to be with but have been monogamous for a long time. Never say never again though.
I suspect my early 80s generation would shock most 20 yr olds by our sexual behaviour. We were pre HIV but post pill so very promiscuous although perhaps at a slightly older age.

@Alsohuman - I think your example proves my point - women striking for equal pay were doing so at a time when there was no law protecting their right to this and when the average man would have come up with 10 reasons why it makes sense to pay men more than women for the same work. Today gender-based pay discrimination is illegal and defending the idea is totally outside the mainstream. The rights those women fought hard for are now accepted parts of our culture. I would agree with you that it is the actions of women like them who have brought this about, but the point is that they have actually improved culture overall. It makes sense to point to the bravery of those women and then ALSO say "oh things were much better in those days" -- the whole reason why those women were brave is because it WASN'T much better in those days. HTH.

Sorry - my last sentence should read - "it makes NO sense.."

We’re talking apples and pears. It makes total sense to say some things were better then and some things weren’t. Sexual expectations of women who consented were in my view better then.

Well, personlly I wouldn't really want to have sex with a raging sexist, and IMHO sexism was more rife in days past than today. I also think younger men understand the issue of consent much better than in the past -- now it's taught in schools as part of sex education which was never the case even when I was in school.

I'm in a gay relationship but bad men had nothing to do with it, I just fell in love with her as an individual. Of course, if I were strictly hetero that would not have happened.

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable, though.

definitely not, they're all useless wimps. They don't do maintenance have to get another man in to do things, can't parent their own kids, don't make their wives happy, there are far more affairs, etc.
Many don't do any household chores, or emotional caring.
Give me one raised properly, when parents actually raised their kids.
I often wonder who raised this useless lot, where were the parents?

No, there have always been women into particular sexual things that others aren't (and men too). Muna is right. Also there are a vast amount of historical books and records about sex. There is nothing new under the sun.

I think like many things, depending on your age we all look at 'our generation' with rose tinted specs.

I agree with the point made up thread that the feminists who came before me (I'm 40+) were incredibly brave and faced real anger, violence and intimidation in their efforts to give us the freedom we enjoy now. And they did this precisely because women were at the time, very much second class citizens.

So in many ways young women now are more liberated than I was in my twenties, especially sexually. Society is moving towards a place where the shit we put up with will not be expected.

It's a two headed monster though ... listen to how young men on Love Island or Ex on the Beach talk about female contestants. So much open judging women based on their tits and ass. School boys able to access Porn Hub on their mobile phones. Porn freely available featuring women being raped and beaten. Strangulation (agree the term breath play massively minimises what an incredibly reckless activity this is). Men literally getting away with murder based on 'rough sex gone wrong'.

I feel very uneasy about what the world of dating will bring for my young DD. While I don't think it's worse than when I was her age I'm not convinced it's better. The danger is just packaged differently.

Well, personlly I wouldn't really want to have sex with a raging sexist

Who would? I never did.

I'm in my 20s and been choked on first dates (not sex, just during the date)! Porn is evil and these men are fucking awful. Sex is porn, the amount of times I've been told stupid things like 'squirt for me' is unbelievable. Some women my age may say it's not bad but it may be all they know!

Also 'daddy' roleplay is THE NORM, violence during sex (choking, slapping, 'throat fucking' etc) is THE NORM, not what 'kinky' people do, just what's expected of a girl or woman by a boy or man.... I'd be shocked if I had sex and nothing like that was involved

"Well, personlly I wouldn't really want to have sex with a raging sexist, and IMHO sexism was more rife in days past than today. I also think younger men understand the issue of consent much better than in the past -- now it's taught in schools as part of sex education which was never the case even when I was in school"
This is upsetting to read and VERY untrue! Daily porn use teaches a boy FAR more than a few sex ed classes. I'm in my 20s, i've spoken to others my age. These young men DO NOT care about consent, most porn has rape or coercion themes! Girls/women feel EXTREME pressure to 'consent' and to behave like pornstars even if they do consent!

9 year old girls are requesting labiaplasty surgery, girls are swapping blowjobs for a kiss, boys are raping their sisters after watching (very common mainstream) step sister/sister porn with rape themes. You lot are meant to be the ones who care but so many of you are burying your heads in the sand!

Here's how it played out for me numerous times:

Young bloke: Can we do anal?
Me: No thanks. I don't like it, it's painful and damaging.
Young bloke: Okay, no worries.

As I said before, maybe I've been lucky.

Yes you've been lucky, a high percentage of young men (also boys-children) don't ask first. A record number of girls (children) and women are going to hospital for anal related injuries.

Also for those thinking that 'anal' was not the common thing back in the day. I had a religion teacher that was around his 50's when I was in my teens. He told our class that when he was younger 'anal' was what a lot of people did before they got married, that way it did not count as premarital sex.

This thread is seriously depressing, the majority of you want to act like there isn't a current SEVERE and serious problem with young boys and men and the way they treat girls and women due to porn despite the extensive evidence including hospital records, court verdicts, girls and young womens experience and statistics! ALL of my friends have dealt with this stuff! When I was cam modelling the MAJORITY of the audience would want me to do very extreme and dangerous things to myself, every boyfriend I've had even as a child has been sexually violent without even realising because it is COMPLETELY NORMAL in porn. 13 year old boys will approach me and talk about tying me up and gang banging me and this is just...normal?!! No this is fucking disturbing and it SHOULDN'T be this way! I know 14 year old girls who have already done double penetration... THIS IS NOT OKAY, IT WAS NOT LIKE THIS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER