To think most women wouldn't want to go back to their 20s and date men of today

[penelopepitstopsgain]

Now I don't look at the past with rose tinted glasses as I'm sure sexual deviants have existed since time began, however having read this story today of grime artist, solo 45, being convicted of horrific sexual assaults on multiple partners which included waterboarding, threatening with guns and beating for sexual gratification it struck me how, in a relatively short period of time, sexual boundaries have been pushed to breaking point for many women with practices such as strangulation and slapping seen by many as vanilla sex.

I would never want to go back to my 20s and face dating todays' porn inspired men and feel very sad for young women having to navigate this.
If you would love to go back to your 20s and date = YABU
If you would rather stick pins in your eyes= YANBU

I can't vote, but not in a million years.

As for the Lesbianism streak to this thread, if for any reason I lost DH I seriously couldn't be arsed with another man unless he was truly exceptional (which even DH isn't much as I love him) but might be open to a relationship with a woman. Not because all men are shit and I'd act on a whim but because the attraction has always been there, anyhow, and it feels safer.

The rise in the number of cases of 'rough sex' defences used by men who have killed their partners is awful. Saying that women consented to their own murder in this way, and making their families sit through court testimonials of hideously brutal descriptions of the sexual practices that led to their death is harrowing.

I don't know whether it is more common now than say 20 years ago, or whether it is a reflection on changes in society and attitudes that it is considered 'reasonable' to suggest such a defence should be acceptable nowadays.

Either way it does make me agree with the OP somewhat, that navigating the world of dating and sex as a young woman is something I wouldn't want to go back to again.

@Lockheart of course not, the point is they were always bisexual. I'm glad you know but lots don't so between us I hope we explained it. 😊
You're a lucky woman to have never been asked for anal. Every woman I know of who's my age has, unfortunately.

I’m newly single and have NO interest in dating
Like
None whatsoever . I think the Freedom programme put me off
Men for life !

I wouldn't want to go back to my 20s for a whole host of reasons.

So a fair few of you are saying that you wouldn't go back to my generation (20-30 year old) because we are mainly all fucked up weirdos that are too difficult and soft? Or however you feel about us?

Can I just point out, it's your generation that raised us? Well done on your fuck up I guess?

@Lockheart it’s pure anecdote. Most women who are dating in that age group who I’ve had conversations with on that matter have brought these things up unprompted. I’ve never known anyone anyone in an older dating pool to say they’ve experienced this outside of an established relationship but of course they may just not say. I’ve never experienced this myself. There are also lots of young women I know being offered money on Instagram for sex/pictures/foot pictures, a lot who have been verbally attacked for not wanting to have sex on a first date and the list goes on.

@BodiesMakeForGoodFertiliser there’s a huge shift in attitudes. When I was a teenager I knew about anal, breathplay, etc. but it wasn’t deemed normal sexual behaviour. Things started to turn around 2015, especially with that teen vogue article. Spanking was certainly having a moment though but then again spanking isn’t exactly anal is it?

Choking and anal were about in the 1990s. I know I experimented with both back then. There was also, porn, abuse, misogyny. I just think we're a bit more open about these things now.

a lot who have been verbally attacked for not wanting to have sex on a first date

That was always the case. I was called frigid more than once!

Ive been out of my 20's for over 5 years now and all I can say on this topic is that when I was in my teens and 20's I got sexually harassed quite a few time. Almost every single one of them was a guy much older than me, say in their 40's or older. I can only think of one time I felt unsafe with a guy my own age.

There have been creeps around in every generation. I just feel that women are much more willing to talk and share their experiences now days. Probable because you are less likely to be shamed for it.

Can I just point out, it's your generation that raised us? Well done on your fuck up I guess? grin

Didn't a middle aged MP die in a choking episode in the early 1990s?. It's not new.

YABU
This behaviour isn't limited to men in their 20's, this porn led behaviour is exhibited by some men across all age groups.

I'm sure women from past generations would love to be starting married life, with our laws around DV and rape within marriage. Or even the protection that we have from male violence in any form, from any source, particularly male relatives. Because abusive, self entitled men have always existed.

IMO the younger generation are in average much much more aware of stuff like women’s rights, BME issues, LBGTQ issues etc, as well as being climate aware and further to the left politically - or at least a woke subset of them are. Stereotypically I think of Nigel Farage and other sexist right wing boomers when I think of the older generation- not people I’d want to date (sorry Nige). I’m early 30s but reckon I’ve got more in common culturally with people 10 years younger than 10 years older. YABU.

And I completely agree with PPs that what has changed is we now have a climate in which gendered violence and normalised sexism is spoken about openly. It’s not that men are getting worse, it’s that they’re being called out on their behaviour at long last.

I think young men now are a different species to those I dated. My sexual history includes one man who wanted anal sex and who wasn’t even remotely surprised when it was politely declined. Widespread, accessible porn has a huge amount to answer for.

While I applaud harder prosecution of domestic violence cases, it doesn’t seem to have stemmed their flood. As for today’s generation of young women being more aware of women’s rights - oh please! Who do you think got you a whole raft of the rights you now take entirely for granted?

No one is saying no one in the older generation was aware of women’s rights, but you’re living under a rock if you think that the MeToo movement and similar social shifts haven’t changed the popular discourse around sexism and sexual violence. Even in the 00s when I was a teen, consent, sexual assault and sexist microaggressions just weren’t spoken about in the same way they are now.

IMO the younger generation are in average much much more aware of stuff like women’s rights

You literally said exactly that less than 30 minutes ago.

Err saying that the younger generation is on average more aware of women’s rights is not the same as saying that no one in the older generation was aware of women’s rights. I’m saying that these issues are now part of mainstream discourse not, as previously, something that relatively few feminists had to raise in the teeth of mainstream culture.

If dating the generation of men today is the equivalent of dating men like my sons, I'd be happy. They are both great boys, decent and kind.

I can't bear beards and I can't bear men more groomed than me.

I'm in my 20s, and I am into BDSM. If anything, I find it so hard to find a man who doesn't want to "make love" to me. Which is....hella dull.

No one has asked me for anal, if they did I'd say no. Because I'm not into that.

A woman can be freaky and still be able to set her boundaries and only wanna be with a man who respects her and what she wants.

A man can be freaky, but still be able to respect boundaries and consent.

Assholes are all over the place. Look at the Weinstein debacle. That happened during your so called golden days. He was convicted in MY golden days - for 23 years.

Things are getting better. Marital rape is now a crime, we find out more and more about DV all the time and implement ways to protect, in particular, women.

Your premise is bollocks. Sorry not sorry.