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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not invited to the day do AIBU

372 replies

Mumofyoungteenagers · 11/03/2020 17:50

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

OP posts:
NeckPainChairSearch · 11/03/2020 19:42

And if the B then comes back with 'of course you are invited to the day!!' gasps of horror, then no harm done

Really? I'd assume that they'd been shamed into 'ooohh it's all a big ol' mistake' and therefore total CFers.

'Hi just seeing that as well as being excluded from X and Y events recently that you have now downgraded me to evening guest. I have no idea why this has happened but I'm sure you can agree that my gift would be completely over the top now that I see where we stand. For these reasons I will not be paying for transport

This is good ^

You're not taking it lying down though OP. Well done for sending a message to hopefully deal with it.

Youdreamedmydreamforme · 11/03/2020 19:42

So she’s getting a London bus? Or one of the retro camper vans? Don’t pay! They are being so cheeky! Take yourself on holiday with that 600 on the day of the wedding

saraclara · 11/03/2020 19:43

This is probably the worst wedding CFery I've read on here.

I wouldn't have sent the message that you did, but I hope you get whatever results from it that you hope for.

probablysue · 11/03/2020 19:44

Keep us posted on her reply OP!

pictish · 11/03/2020 19:45

Gosh I wonder how this one will go?

Ihavenoidewhatsgoingon · 11/03/2020 19:45

Honestly do not pay - use the £600 to do something with your family that you will remember when you are on holiday for your birthday. Life it too short to spend £600 on people who do not care about you.

If you want to send her a bottle of fizz saying sorry you can’t make it but you hope she has a lovely day .

Yarboosucks · 11/03/2020 19:46

What the bride has dreamt of riding on or in is entirely irrelevant and is really unimportant in the grand scheme of things. £600 for you is not. Not even if you had been afforded the basic courtesy of a full wedding invitaton. Please, please do not hand this money over, your decency will not be appreciated as it should. Take that money and spend it on your self and your DH. Donate some of it to charity if you want, but do not use it to fund the fantasy of a fool.

simplekindoflife · 11/03/2020 19:47

Wow, that's a hell of a lot of money! Shock I'm amazed they accepted. I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable with a friend spending that much on me...

I hope you get the response you want OP. Thanks

Theyweretheworstoftimes · 11/03/2020 19:49

Spend the £600 on yourself. Gobsmacked

Didntwanttochangemyname · 11/03/2020 19:50

Good luck with the reply OP, sounds like it could be quite hurtful, they don't sound like friends to me.

mypoorfurbaby · 11/03/2020 19:53

Maybe they were embarrassed by your over the top offer to pay for the transport on their wedding day.
It's a very odd thing to do for someone who isn't family

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 11/03/2020 19:53

I'm sorry: the bride is not a friend. I wouldn't be buying a gift worth £60, never mind £600

GoodDogBellaBoo · 11/03/2020 19:55

So now she’ll just pretend it was a mistake.Confused It obviously wasn’t.

Leflic · 11/03/2020 19:56

Blimey that’s appalling of them.

Your message is way too nice. What if they say yes, gone to the day? You’ll always wonder if it’s because they’ve been embarrassed into it and are ungrateful twats.

Personally I’d say your prognosis has worsened and as such you’re going away on holiday for your birthday and will miss the wedding. You’re sure they understand that you’ll be using the unicorn driven carriage to lay for it. And give them a cheque for £50 instead because you are the bigger person.

StopChelping · 11/03/2020 19:56

OP, if you hear back that you are only an evening guest, keep your money and have a fab weekend filled with happy memories.

Though I’d be sorely tempted to splash £40 of that on secondhand scooters from Gumtree for the guests who were to ride in style. A bit of ribbon should jolly them up nicely for the occasion.

They don’t deserve you.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 11/03/2020 19:56

Why would you even want to go, after this?

fromagefreak · 11/03/2020 19:57

I've got all confused. Is the CB the same person as the bride or a different person?

BorisTheBellend · 11/03/2020 19:57

OP I posted a while ago but I honestly can't believe that the bride has done this to you. If I had a very sick (by the sounds of it) friend and it was my wedding I would do everything I could to make sure she was well taken care of and including as much as possible.

Your 'friend' is a fucking gobshite!

Go spend that £600 on something lovely for you and your husband, she can see to her own transport.

Fralla · 11/03/2020 19:57

Maybe they were embarrassed by your over the top offer to pay for the transport on their wedding day.

But not embarrassed enough to refuse the offer???

Medievalist · 11/03/2020 19:57

Also can't understand why you would want to go now. And fgs - don't pay!

ThanosSavedMe · 11/03/2020 19:57

I hope it was a misunderstanding but not sure I could ever recover from that.

I definitely wouldn’t be paying any more, use the money to go away with your dh

fromagefreak · 11/03/2020 19:58

and if it's not the same person as the bride, is the CB related to the bride?

AlwaysCheddar · 11/03/2020 20:00

She’s a cf. save your money.

christmassausages · 11/03/2020 20:01

I read CB as Chief Bridesmaid.

mynamesmrdiggety · 11/03/2020 20:03

CB is chief bridesmaid. I quite like the message. Will be v interesting to see the reply!

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