Not invited to the day do AIBU

[Mumofyoungteenagers]

I know, I get it, it’s the Bride and Grooms day, but you see I offered as a wedding gift as they were struggling with costs, to pay for a big item for the wedding. It was my pleasure to help them have a dream day. They’re friends I think a lot of them and I know what it’s like to struggle for an event like this.

Recently I’ve been more than usually ill so have been out of circulation for just over 8 weeks but have been messengering etc. But I’ve noticed that I’ve been unincluded on a few things that I was originally due to be included in without being told I’m unicluded. only found out by seeing pictures on Facebook that sort of things. I shrugged it off as they knew I’d been pretty poorly and had assumed (probably correctly) that I wasn’t up to it. But I thought it would have been nice just to have had it confirmed with me that I wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been waiting for the bill for the wedding item to come in (kind of expecting it within the next few weeks) Wedding in August, only to come home to an invite arriving through the post for the evening only!

The thing I’m paying for (don’t want to say what as it would ‘out’ me) is most defo day time only thing and I’m gutted that I won’t be able to see it in the setting of the wedding and only being included in the evening which is a bit of a hike from me.

I’m trying not to be all “stuff you”, trying to be all “it’s their day” but I’m genuinely disappointed that I’m not invited to the day. AIBU? What would you do?

I'd be telling her to get lost. Sorry, but that's just rude. Small wedding or not, that's a heck of a gift to give to someone and then not be invited to see it. I'd get a refund. She can walk to her wedding with that attitude.

Great response!
They really are so rude, I couldn't even bring myself to that level of rudeness, if I even felt there was a chance I couldn't have invited someone to the full day, there would be no chance in hell I'd be excepting this kind of gift!
Good luck with your health

That's so hurtful. I think your message was perfect. Ie a very polite way of saying you were expecting a day invite as you consider them good friends and that ahem ahem the expensive gift!!!

I think that's a genius message, OP! Please do update us.

Ooh I didn't see your last post. Excellent text! Can't wait to hear her reply

If she knows about your health and work circumstances, she herself should have been a half decent friend and been very grateful but gracefully declined that amount of money. And invited you to the whole day.
Decline the mean spirited evening do, refuse to pay as you can’t afford it if you can’t work. Spend the money on something lovely for yourself and your DH. Wish your friends good luck and Wave a cheery good riddance to the friendship (with two fingers)

I am shocked by this. If a non relative offered a gift like that, firstly I would not accept it unless I knew they were incredibly wealthy and we were very close. But also, whether I accepted or not they would be guests of honour.

I completely understand the wish to find out if there has been some kind of mistake before ending a friendship. I am just a bit worried that after your text they might extend it to the day invite and you might not know what happened, and could be paying out for these ingrates!

You sound absolutely lovely and you deserve so much better. I definitely think you should not pay.

Good response OP, although fingers crossed she comes back and says evening was correct so you can retract your offer with no (unwarranted!) feeling of guilt and go somewhere nice with hub instead on it. Leave her to pay for the dragon drawn carriage!

Imagine being so bloody cheeky as to accept a gift for £600 and then not even invite someone to the full day so they get to see it!! She should have declined the offer if she only viewed you as an evening invite! Blatant CF'ery.

Hmm but what if it was the CB that organised the invites? I think your tone was perfect - no point reacting (perhaps the way CB intended?!?) if there is no need. And if the B then comes back with 'of course you are invited to the day!!' gasps of horror, then no harm done. You sound lovely, and I hope it has all been a misunderstanding

That’s really unfair, I’d back out of paying for it.

I personally hate two tier weddings with a passion, an evening only invite says to me “we want your gift so you can come for this part only”. The wedding is about the vows, not the party.

@Eddielzzard has the best suggestion imo @Mumofyoungteenagers 👍👍👍

You're a nicer person than me OP. I'd be asking directly why I wasn't invited, not saying oh I'm sure you were considering my health. Where did that come from?

If it turns out you still aren't invited,alter your transport order to loan a pony and cart off a local allotment holder...
Make sure he shoves the manure along a bit and puts a blanket on first...

They are very rude. I'd be embarrassed at their lack of grace.

What pp said.

Dear exfriend
Thank you for my evening only invitation. I have realised you don't see me as as much of a friend as I though when I offered to pay for the helicopter. Given this and my health issues, I feel there are better things I can spend the £600 on. I'm sorry I will not be able to attend any part of the wedding. I hope you have a great day.
MumofYoung

I would have been more direct but I'm really pleased you said something. Please update us when she gets back to you!

I suspect CB stands for Cunty Bride here.

Don’t you fucking dare hand over a penny.

What an unpleasant, selfish ‘friend’’ you thought you had.

Go spend that money on yourself and family - especially if your recovery is not guaranteed.

Do you want a pity invite? Knowing you weren’t wanted all along.

I mean it - not one fucking penny.

Hmm I don't like your message tbh. She's pays out for your meal and you have to fork out £600.

You're ill, spend the money on yourself

Sorry I'm being thick here but I don't understand your reply. It reads to me that you are still expecting to pay for the transport and you are passively aggressively accepting a full day invitation. Is that your plan?

Great message, another one rooting that it's a mistake

Oooh v clever OP!!

Wow, I'm usually all fir keeping quiet just to be polite but the wedding transport? Stuff them! You really need to not pay for it.

I didn't have any wedding transport and only had no evening do so we could afford to have everyone at the ceremony. If you paid £600 towards my wedding I'd be so incredibly grateful. Honestly, please withdraw your offer and tell them why. They need to know.

Good message as it's one way to let the Ed bride know there is an issue and graciously fix it without it being totally obvious what happened before. At least it will make them squirm!

Yes the invite must surely have been a mistake. I would have a private chat with bride.
Even so, your gift was way too generous especially if you had to save up for it. Presumably from your username you also have children depending on you?