Colleague doesnt talk at all

[Sarah510]

So I share an office with another woman - our work is separate so we don't "need" to talk about work, well it would be interesting for me to hear about what she's doing but she doesn't ever share anything. But more than that, she goes for days without speaking except 'hello' and sometimes a 'bye'. The rest of the day we just work in silence. It makes me feel a bit weird and to be honest a bit lonely. I have tried to make conversation but she always shuts it down straight away one-word answer so I haven't initiated any conversations this week, and it's been silence all day every day, so I guess it's what she wants. She is busy I get it, but it does feel weird to me. AIBU

Being social is part of being human. You need to be social at work. I wouldn’t employ someone that didn’t want to talk to anyone.

I have found it very damaging for my mental health when I've worked with people who don't talk or interact. 7 hours isolated at a screen is not natural.

Tbh if a job was advertised as said you need to do the small talk stuff, I wouldn't bother applying.

She sounds like an ignorant ass
It's not anxiety it's bad manors
Ask to move

@Smilebehappy123

How the fuck do you know?

@ffswhatnext good

@lilgreen
Nice to see you’re open about your discrimination.

Being social is part of being human. You need to be social at work. I wouldn’t employ someone that didn’t want to talk to anyone.

I'm autistic and hate having to force interaction with people. Sometimes I just love silence and being left alone. Doesn't make me a bad person

@lilgreen

So is someone was, for example, autistic and had difficulty in social situations as a result you wouldn't employ them because of their disability, even if they were capable of doing the work required?

lilgreen probably is the colleague who constantly witters on inanely and other people request transfers away from.

Rtft I’ve already said, apart from those with special needs. Was told it’s nothing to do with special needs to ignore other people.

I’m not overly chatty. I am friendly and pass the time of day with colleagues, ask them how they are, have a laugh about things going on at work, home, current affairs. That’s normal.

Putting aside the blatant discrimination.

And what happens when the endless small talk takes over from work? I know a few people who would love to work for you @lilgreen. Get paid to chat shite. They will happily talk about the weather all day long, what they did over the weekend, tell you all about other peoples mundane stuff, talk about their holidays, happily share pictures from their holidays/nightsout/food etc.

Don’t be a twat.

Don’t be a twat.

Absolutely. agree with this. Don't be a twat when someone doesn't want to engage in small talk.

And think for a moment, maybe someone doesn't want to talk about their home lives because they have got stuff they don't want to talk about.

It’s very unusual to not talk all day apart from hello and goodbye. I’ve never come across anyone like that and I’ve worked in various offices and schools. Perhaps the fact there are so many on this thread that say they are like this is maybe because many mnetters are socially awkward and prefer to not talk directly but anonymously online.

@lilgreen
Maybe you’ve RTFT but clearly not absorbed it; OP doesn’t say she’s ignored just that she only gets one word replies; that’s NOT ignoring it’s replying but not carrying on the chat.
To make a comment that SN doesn’t make you ignore ppl is further demonstrating your ignorance.

There's a vast difference between chatting all day and not getting any work done, and sitting in silence.

It's nice to have a colleague who you can bounce ideas off or ask for informal help with problems, or rant about your phonecall with a difficult client to. It's nice to have someone to chat to at lunchtime or share a joke with.

If I didn't have colleagues like that I'd be very lonely. I can't imagine sitting in total silence all day and having to work in close proximity to people I don't know from strangers in the street. Luckily our office is pretty social generally (complete with social committee!).

Wrong.

I agree @Lockheart

Only reply matter of factly and never starting a conversation yourself is really isolating for the op. Part of going to work is working with others not just churning out work like a robot. It’s teamwork.

Was told it’s nothing to do with special needs to ignore other people.

By whom?

For all we know, the other person might be up for bouncing ideas about each other.

If the opportunity arises, the op can see how the other person responds.
If the other person needs some assistance chances are she's not going to want to sit in silence, and will ask for help.

You could try a work angle. Next time she's talking on the phone about something interesting, try I wasn't meaning to listen in but what you were talking about sounds really interesting. Do you have time to have a chat about it? / It relates to something I'm working on, it would be great to hear your side of it.

I come from professional firms where we had to account for every 6 minutes of our day. 80% of your time had to be charged to clients. If you chatted you had to make up the time out of your own time. Only time for a chat was at the printer or making a coffee. As a result I am not a chatter.

I find chatting at work about mundane stuff very frustrating. You are being paid to work not chat for hours on end.

That sounds depressing. We spend so much time working so a bit of chat is needed in my opinion