Have an amazing husband but a rubbish sex life.

[Foxton20]

Hi, posting for traffic.

I have an amazing husband/man that Iv been with for 6 years. We got married last year.

He’s a fab dad to our daughter and my two oldest. He works hard and provides everything without ever moaning. He earns a very good wage and supports us all. He does all the cooking, it’s hilarious, and I can honestly say my best friend. I absolutely love spending time with him and miss him when he’s at work. He works shift work so rarely here.

He is everything I could possibly want in a man, and what I hope my daughters would look up to.

The problem is we barely have sex or anything. Probably once/twice a month. I can’t remember the last time we had foreplay. It’s normally missionary in the dark.

He hasn’t got much confidence, won’t undress in front of me and hates me touching his belly etc. He’s rugby player built and I fancy the arse off him.

He says he thinks I’m pressuring him if I discuss sex. I’m the second person he’s slept with.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to split my family up, the kids adore him and would never forgive me.
I adore him, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. But it’s got to the point I’m desperate for some attention. My confidence has never been so low. I want to feel wanted.

If you're sure he doesn't fancy you any more - and it's not just your low body confidence projecting - then have some sex counselling , together or separately.

At his age if he is not gay or or meds that casue this or depressed etc. I'd surgest getting his testosterone tested and other hormones you can get at home kits to do this if too shy for Dr. Many many suffer from this and it's totally rectifiable. Now of course it could be something else but if it's a drive thing it's most likely biological hormone realted. Us ladies aren't the only ones this can effect.

Some people just don’t have a high sex drive, especially when they get comfortable/are knackered from work/ get older.

Why is everyone insisting he is gay? I'm 41, a virgin with absolutely no desire for sex and I'm not gay. FFS! I am, however, asexual.

slash Oh cut it with the daft overstatement. 'Everyone' has not 'insisted' he is gay. A small number of people have suggested it as a possible explanation. One person, as far as I am aware, has given it as the sole explanation.

All couples are different.
Have you initiated with oral? My DH and I do have a sparse sex life at times but
-are very cheeky and send naughty messages etc (I know we aren't horny teens anymore)
-We talk about when we have had sexy dreams about each other.

• we tend to grope each other subtlety if the kids aren't watching and have a wee snog (Yes i said snog!)

Do you guys do any of this yourselves? I think easing it in (No pun intended) by just praising how sexy he is, make yourself feel sexy too and just don't make it about the end goal and enjoy the ride .

Pretty sure this man is gay.

ukgift2016 and I’m pretty sure you are full of shit. OP stated several times the guy is not gay.

Maybe he found you more attractive when you were a bit bigger? Not everyone finds slim attractive. What did he actually say

He said I’m being stupid and of course he fancies me and loves me lots.

I think he’s exhausted, he also suffers with anxiety abit.

He’s really poorly atm so has fell asleep with his head on my lap.

I love him so much, but I do feel like he’s too good for me sometimes even if he’s never said it. So many people ask “where did you find him then?” Or “how did you manage to get him” 😑

Honestly it sounds like you're confidence could do with some working on. He's chosen to be with you, you do have regular sex even if you'd like more and he's telling you he fancies you.
It could quite possibly be as simple as he's knackered and would rather relax than have sex. Or he could just have a lower sex drive than you do. But I think some confidence for you both wouldn't go a miss x

I think there is some underlying issue. I don't think 2 times a month is bad if he isn't sex mad (I'm not either and I am just tired from work/life all the time) - but it's the fear of intimacy, foreplay, being touched etc that is concerning.

I love him so much, but I do feel like he’s too good for me sometimes even if he’s never said it. So many people ask “where did you find him then?” Or “how did you manage to get him” 😑

I really do believe that a lot of the problem here is your lack of self esteem. You mirror his own lack of confidence, as I said earlier. Self fulfilling prophecy

Get some counselling

Eh? Too good for you? But he doesn't satisfy you!

He could actually be asexual if not gay.

It's just unusual.

You said you talked but sounds like you're still stuck with no solution?

You may need to be more clear about what you want, after all, if you're not, then you won't get it.

'Some people just don’t have a high sex drive, especially when they get comfortable/are knackered from work/ get older'.

He could just be so shy around women that he's agreed to get together in the first place to avoid having to go after the ones he actually likes

likely to be upbinging - finding sex shameful etc. He just avoids anything sensual to do with bodies, it seems. But if he did find you more attractive when yo were bigger, the must be some sparkle somewhere - why are you trying to lose weight (sounds like you aer doing it for him but a contradiction)?

*upbringing, argh!

My worry in this situation would be that somewhere down the line I'd end up having a raging affair largely influenced by a combination of sexual dissatisfaction and the need to feel desired. I don't know if that'd be a worry for your OP, and you sound like you love your hubby too much for that anyway, but these kinds of situations can spin off into all sorts of problems. Even if it never does, you're still dissatisfied and unhappy. You've simply got to deal with it. You really need to get him to open up to you. You seem to be framing this as the sole problem in your relationship and I can certainly see why it'd feel that way, but from what you're saying it seems like communication is a problem too. You can't change anything you can't discuss within a marriage. I think if you work on opening up the lines of communication first then dealing with this problem will be so much more possible. The very best of luck with it. In many respects he sounds like a great catch. It's worth fighting for.

A lot of the enjoyment of sex is in the head.

Married life and raising children takes a lot of physical and mental hard work. It often doesn't leave much left for er dressing like Kate Middleton and purring at him across the laundry in your best Sloane Ranger accent.

It sounds like you both need to get in the headspace. Couples sex therapy, looking after yourselves with sleep and exercise, counseling around loving your body and figuring out what personally gives you pleasure will only lead to good things though it may feel awkward. Often sex is portrayed as just something you're good at and there is no variation in desire, performance etc which is completely unrealistic. It's a learned skill like any other and takes set up, practice and reflection. You love each other so why not figure it out together, could be fun!

Start with yourself if your husband isn't onboard yet. There is omgyes.com for tips on female pleasure.

I think you either need to accept that you both need to work towards changing, maybe couples counselling or spending more quality time alone together, or accept that you can’t actually help each other and move on. I still think it’s possible that he’s gay though.