Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a lads holiday

151 replies

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:22

Well not really lads. Just me and and a friend who is single.
Im 26 male, been with my girlfriend for a year. I am working away, will be away for 5 weeks and then home for 2,
I want to go on holiday with my friend for 5 days in Europe but girlfriend has said she wouldnt be too happy because we only saw each other for a week last time and with my holiday, it means we'd only see each other for 2 weeks in 2 monthish, so she asked if we could wait until my next rotation for me to go on holiday so we can spend time together.
I said okay but it caused a huge argument about me always talking about holidays with my friend and how when i was home last week, we discussed spending those 2 weeks together and now i've backtracked apparently and talked about going on holiday.
She said she's not sure if we want different things as she feels i'm going away again as soon as im home and i'll just be getting drunk with my mate (he loves to drink and he's single so that's what he loves to do) whereas she said she was excited to spend those 2 weeks together as we only saw each other a week last time.

I feel she's been a bit controlling. She knows i love holidaying and travelling but she seems to start arguments whenever i bring up a holiday. I holidayed with my friend last september for 2 weeks and she was fine with it but now it seems she starts arguments.
Im not going now, i'll book it for the 2 weeks im home after but feel a bit annoyed about the argument

OP posts:
outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 19:26

I can see why she’s annoyed tbh. If you rarely see her and then the time you get to see her you go on holiday it isn’t showing much commitment, fu don’t think she’s wrong for wondering if you both want similar things, I think you need to ask yourself that question

Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:28

But id be only going for 5 days and it wouldnt be as soon as im home, it would have been a few days after

OP posts:
Delbelleber · 10/03/2020 19:30

Sounds like you prioritise lad time over girlfriend time.

ukgift2016 · 10/03/2020 19:30

Why is a young male posting this on mumsnet? Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2020 19:31

She said she's not sure if we want different things

She's right, you do.

shanchanx · 10/03/2020 19:34

Think it's a bit unfair to ask why he's commenting on here? Maybe he has children? Maybe not, maybe he just wants to seek some advice from a mainly femaoe platform to understand the logic of why she's now upset?

Did you both speak about this prior to you talking to hin about it? I.e did she know it was this rotation? I think if she wasnt funny before, i dont understand why this time is now an issue..

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 19:35

I think you need to reconsider the relationship and ask if you’re both on the same page.

Dozer · 10/03/2020 19:38

Your OP is unclear. Do you work away most of the time, or is it occasional?

It’s not “controlling” of your GF to make this request.

Dozer · 10/03/2020 19:39

Have you ever been away together?

QWE96 · 10/03/2020 19:46

5 days on holiday with your friend really isn't that much time away. She still gets 9 days with you. Presuming you don't have any commitments, such as DC.

Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:48

I always work rotations. But i had 3 months off from oct-dec. And we went on a 4 day holiday in december together (me and gf).
I had 1 week off last week after 5 weeks away and back to 5 weeks now but ive requested 2 weeks off from now on which was accepted.
I make good money, i can afford to go away a lot.
I said this to her that i love holidays and she said she doesnt get why ive considered going away the first 2 weeks and why cant i just wait for the next 2 weeks,
I told her i love to go away with my friend and i can easily do,
Which she responded that most people can only afford 1 holiday a year so she doesnt get why im rushing going away.

I think it's controlling of her to start an argumemr just cause i considered going away. It wasnt definite, i asked her. If this was the other way round, i think id be called controlling

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 10/03/2020 19:49

Is this a reverse or actually the BF of the woman who posted this exact thread from her POV a few weeks ago?

Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:50

@DowntownCrabby ?

OP posts:
Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:50

Dont have kids

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 10/03/2020 19:51

Is this a reverse or actually the BF of the woman who posted this exact thread from her POV a few weeks ago?

That’s what I thought!

OliviaBenson · 10/03/2020 19:51

Why aren't you going on holiday with your girlfriend?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 10/03/2020 19:56

Is this a reverse or actually the BF of the woman who posted this exact thread from her POV a few weeks ago?

Definitely Grin

And if i remember rightly, the general jist of the responses was that neither the OP or her boyfriend were necessarily wrong, but clearly wanted different things out of the relationship.

Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:58

Ayy?

OP posts:
SpiltMilk100 · 10/03/2020 20:01

I remember that thread too Downton

DisplayPurposesOnly · 10/03/2020 20:03

I think it's controlling of her to start an argumemr.... If this was the other way round, i think id be called controlling

No, it's not controlling. Controlling would be her dictating how you spend all your breaks from work.

She's upset that you don't seem as keen to spend time with her, as she is with you. She thinks she's not a priority to you, that she's an optional extra. You might want to consider how true that is.

1second · 10/03/2020 20:06

Yep. I think your girlfriend posted on here a few weeks ago OP 😂

Northernparent68 · 10/03/2020 20:06

Reverse or not, if you are both young and child free and have only been together a year, of course you should have a holiday with your mate.

notalwaysalondoner · 10/03/2020 20:06

Having worked in an industry where people work rotations, I think that if you get into a relationship with someone who you already know is away a lot, it’s a bit unfair to then guilt trip them when they want to see other people and go to other places when they’re not working. On the other hand, I completely see her point of view that two weeks in two months isn’t much and maybe you’re not prioritising her. I think that when you meet the right person, you’ll either not want to go away without them and be desperate to spend your off time with them, or they’ll be understanding that your life won’t revolve around them. Either way it sounds like you and your current GF have different priorities and that’s fine, but may be best to accept that now and move on.

Dozer · 10/03/2020 20:12

“Starting an argument” - do you mean expressing negative thoughts/feelings about your plan? - isn’t “controlling”.

Sounds like you have some different preferences and that travel is a higher priority for you than time with your GF. Your actions and words make that clear - fair enough!

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2020 20:13

Either way it sounds like you and your current GF have different priorities and that’s fine, but may be best to accept that now and move on.

This. Why do you want so badly to call her controlling? Do you need to be right? In this case there's no right and wrong, just ill suited people.

Swipe left for the next trending thread