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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on a lads holiday

151 replies

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:22

Well not really lads. Just me and and a friend who is single.
Im 26 male, been with my girlfriend for a year. I am working away, will be away for 5 weeks and then home for 2,
I want to go on holiday with my friend for 5 days in Europe but girlfriend has said she wouldnt be too happy because we only saw each other for a week last time and with my holiday, it means we'd only see each other for 2 weeks in 2 monthish, so she asked if we could wait until my next rotation for me to go on holiday so we can spend time together.
I said okay but it caused a huge argument about me always talking about holidays with my friend and how when i was home last week, we discussed spending those 2 weeks together and now i've backtracked apparently and talked about going on holiday.
She said she's not sure if we want different things as she feels i'm going away again as soon as im home and i'll just be getting drunk with my mate (he loves to drink and he's single so that's what he loves to do) whereas she said she was excited to spend those 2 weeks together as we only saw each other a week last time.

I feel she's been a bit controlling. She knows i love holidaying and travelling but she seems to start arguments whenever i bring up a holiday. I holidayed with my friend last september for 2 weeks and she was fine with it but now it seems she starts arguments.
Im not going now, i'll book it for the 2 weeks im home after but feel a bit annoyed about the argument

OP posts:

Hellodotdotdot · 10/03/2020 21:17

Why is a young male posting this on mumsnet?

Some schools are closed due to coronavirus.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2020 21:20

I asked her if i could go

Just in case this isn't made up... asking if you can do something does a couple of things. First, it makes your partner into your mum, not attractive at all. Second it leaves her with two choices. 1. Say yes, knowing it's not her choice, leaving her to feel bad and you to do what you wanted 'because she said it was OK'. You win, she loses. 2. She says no. Then she's controlling and not a cool girlfriend, which means you both lose. Either way SHE LOSES!

The adult thing is to make decisions with her needs in mind as well. If you don't want to do that great, be single you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship!

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 21:22

I thought asking her if i could go takes her opinion into account

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2020 21:23

Some schools are closed due to coronavirus.

They need to open again and teach reading comprehension which seems entirely lacking in the OP.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/03/2020 21:37

You're 26!!! What the fuck!!

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 10/03/2020 22:00

What is your girlfriend getting out of this relationship? 5 weeks alone then one week with her boyfriend, who then drops her to party with his single friend?

Naaaah.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:07

But we have a great time together and we video call regularly. I do adore her, i tell her shes beautiful, we support each other, she gives me great advice, i do love her

OP posts:

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:08

Id hate to lose her

OP posts:

QueSera · 10/03/2020 22:13

OP - a case can be made on both sides. Personally I would feel as she does. However I think the issue is that you want different things, you're at different stages, you're not as into her as she is into you, you have different 'love languages' (google for details) - whichever of these it is, or something similar, you're not compatible so there's no point making each other miserable, acknowledge your incompatibility and part.

Btw you speak very unpleasantly and disrespectfully about her, so it's difficult to believe that you care so deeply for her.

Notcoolmum · 10/03/2020 22:13

I'm sure this is a wind up but....
You don't ask permission from your partner. You make plans together and reach an agreement on things.
If you onlu want to spend 9 days out of 90 with your partner you don't adore her.
You aren't compatible. Let her find someone who wants the same things as her in life. Then you will have as much time as you like to party with your single friend. And going on holiday with someone who wants to get drunk and pull different women every night doesnt sound like a lot of fun.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:20

But i do want to spend time with her. I spent basically the entire week with her last week. But my friend and I went on holiday before i met her so im sure im still allowed holidays with him

OP posts:

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 22:22

You can’t live both a single mans life and be in a relationship. Of course you can still go on holidays with your friend, but you need to come to some sort of compromise with your gf.

Guineapigbridge · 10/03/2020 22:26

YABU.
Hoes before Bros on this one, sorry OP.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:26

Well i did tell her friend was gutted were not going but i've gone for the next 2 weeks i have off after that and all she said was "oh boohoo" sarcastically

OP posts:

SassyBrassyBitch · 10/03/2020 22:27

I hope she leaves you and find someone who cares more about her than their horny, piss head mates

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2020 22:30

Well i did tell her friend was gutted were not going but i've gone for the next 2 weeks i have off after that and all she said was "oh boohoo" sarcastically

She sounds great. Send her to Mumsnet, she'd like it here.

CalleighDoodle · 10/03/2020 22:37

You sound very immature for 26. Im not convinced youve not added 10 years to your age.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:39

I really dont get why im a bad guy? I always say she can come with us.
When she was questionning me about spring break, i said she was welcome to come if we ever went and she just laughed.

OP posts:

strawberry2017 · 10/03/2020 22:40

I remember the other post too!
So whatever game is been played here, my opinion is the same.
It's not controlling, it's disappointing because she's realised she will never be the priority of her boyfriend.
She's hurt because somewhere she would love to go is somewhere the boyfriend round rather go with a mate.
It's hard enough to maintain a long distance relationship but when your partner could be home but would rather go on a holiday with his mate it shows you are not in the same headspace about the relationship.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:44

She loves the dracula movies and has wanted to go to Romania but it's my mates turn to pick and he just happened to pick Romania because i said no to spring break because i didnt have time

OP posts:

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 22:45

You don’t talk about her like you care about her at all, why are you still with her?

Original poster

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:46

I care about her loads, probably just because im typing, it's not coming across well

OP posts:

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 22:47

It isn’t just because of your typing though, you say she’s controlling, is trying to start arguments, would rather spend time with your friend than her

Nanny0gg · 10/03/2020 22:52

I thought asking her if i could go takes her opinion into account

Not if you're not going to listen to it!!

Look, all the grown-ups on here are telling you that you both want different things.

Feel free to walk about with your fingers in your ears, but that is most definitely the case.

Eventually, she will realise also and bin you off. Then you can go on all the lads' holidays your heart desires.

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2020 22:53

Why not speak to her again and instead of saying "you can come if you want".... Tell her you'd love to have her come or you really want her to come along as your friend will be out looking for women.

Also curious as to what you do when your friend is picking up women and bringing them back to the room every night...?

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