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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a lads holiday

151 replies

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:22

Well not really lads. Just me and and a friend who is single.
Im 26 male, been with my girlfriend for a year. I am working away, will be away for 5 weeks and then home for 2,
I want to go on holiday with my friend for 5 days in Europe but girlfriend has said she wouldnt be too happy because we only saw each other for a week last time and with my holiday, it means we'd only see each other for 2 weeks in 2 monthish, so she asked if we could wait until my next rotation for me to go on holiday so we can spend time together.
I said okay but it caused a huge argument about me always talking about holidays with my friend and how when i was home last week, we discussed spending those 2 weeks together and now i've backtracked apparently and talked about going on holiday.
She said she's not sure if we want different things as she feels i'm going away again as soon as im home and i'll just be getting drunk with my mate (he loves to drink and he's single so that's what he loves to do) whereas she said she was excited to spend those 2 weeks together as we only saw each other a week last time.

I feel she's been a bit controlling. She knows i love holidaying and travelling but she seems to start arguments whenever i bring up a holiday. I holidayed with my friend last september for 2 weeks and she was fine with it but now it seems she starts arguments.
Im not going now, i'll book it for the 2 weeks im home after but feel a bit annoyed about the argument

OP posts:
Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:53

But i did listen! I said okay and she kept going on and on and on and on and on

OP posts:
Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:55

But she'd never come with me and him,
When were on holiday it's drinking and hangovers and so on,
She likes to sight see, relax and her worst nightmare would probably be a holiday with him,

I drink, dance, talk to people

OP posts:
Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 22:56

She's not a massive drinker. She has a night out once a year probably!

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 10/03/2020 22:58

Could you suggest she comes out to Romania after you've had your 5 days with friend? And you both stay on for a few days and friend goes home by himself?

PassMeTheNutella · 10/03/2020 23:00

YABU but you clearly aren't listening and don't prioritise your girlfriend.

IMO if you decide to be in a long-term, committed relationship, that's what you prioritise because it's what you want. You don't regularly go on boozy lads holidays to party and chat to girls. Your friend may be single but you are not!

Also going to a place you know your girlfriend would love with your mate instead is a DICK MOVE!

You want the benefits of a relationship whilst enjoying the single life which isn't fair on your girlfriend. Break up.

outnumberedmummy · 10/03/2020 23:02

You clearly aren’t listening

ArthurandJessie · 10/03/2020 23:03

Married woman here and yep she sounds controlling and itll probs only get worse

Lalala89 · 10/03/2020 23:03

OP I feel as tho you are getting advice yet ignoring it and still trying to get your opinion across so I don't think you are really after honest advice you just want us to side with you.

If my boyfriend was away for months at a time, and I only got to spend a couple of weeks with him, he then decided to go on holiday with a mate instead I would leave. She deserves more that honestly.

If the biggest problem in your life is that your girlfriend loves you and wants to spend the little time you have off work with you and you then are mad at her for it. Is it really that big of problem?

Goodluck!

TippledPink · 10/03/2020 23:03

So your friend wasn't happy you aren't spending time with him just like your girlfriend wasn't happy- and are you pissed off with your friend for him reacting negatively?

Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 23:07

So whilst im on this 1 month - 2 week rotation im not allowed a holiday with my friend is what youre all saying?

OP posts:
IcedMatchaLatte · 10/03/2020 23:11

You're not compatible that's what we're saying. Neither of you are correct/wrong.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 10/03/2020 23:11

You don’t sound like a great catch. Stop throwing the phrase “bitter” around, she’s not bitter, she’s angry and by the sound of it she’s got a point. Stop messing her around, you sound far too invested in your friend.

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2020 23:22

Of course you are allowed a holiday.

You've made up your mind.

You would rather let your girlfriend down than your friend. It's a decision you've made and that's fine. Own it.

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2020 23:23

But as mentioned before, you could stay on a few extra days and have your girlfriend fly out to meet you when friend goes home....nice compromise

FlaskMaster · 10/03/2020 23:25

*I need to holiday with my friend sometimes" Jesus Christ! First world problems, eh? Some people need insulin, some people need clean water, some people need their food to last til payday... You "need" to holiday with your friend sometimes. Wow, if you're not on the wind up here then you need to grow up!
Your gf is allowed to be disappointed you don't want to spend the limited time you have with her. You're not compatible. Both of you need to accept it and move on.
Thanks for posting on Mumsnet anyway, 26yo male with no children, working abroad between holidays with your mates. You got any other hobbies besides holidays and Mumsnet? Knitting, crochet maybe?

Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 23:32

I make good money so yes i am lucky i can afford to just go on holiday. My girlfriend comes from quite a working class background so never experienced much holidays as a kid. Therefore, she's happy with 1 holiday a year but obviously like lots of people would love more if she could afford more.

I told my girlfriend before we got together that travelling is important to me. As mentioned earlier she was fine with me going cancun. Shes only upset now because my rotation is now 5 weeks, 2 weeks but she only saw me a week last time,
Im sure she wont mind that i go the n
2 weeks after the next one

OP posts:
Original poster
1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 23:32

I googled advice forums and had a look around and thought this one seemed popular

OP posts:
Elliesmommy · 10/03/2020 23:34

The gif definitely posted a few weeks ago
I read it. You sound incompatible. You do your thing . Leave her do here. Everyone is happy.

Notimeforaname · 10/03/2020 23:49

Could you book and pay for a nice holiday/break away for you and your girlfriend when you return from lads holiday, Since u can afford several?

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/03/2020 00:19

im not allowed a holiday with my friend is what youre all saying?

Now we're your mum? Make your OWN decision, based on your needs and wants and with consideration for your GF. If you're happy, stick to it. She can then make her decisions based on that.

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 11/03/2020 02:29

But we have a great time together and we video call regularly. I do adore her, i tell her shes beautiful, we support each other, she gives me great advice, i do love her

The thing is, your girlfriend is already making some huge compromises being with you with your work schedule. If you are in love going 5 weeks apart consistently is going to be pretty miserable. To see her then for half of your time off will be a kick in the teeth.

If you didn't travel for work and enjoyed going on lads holidays it would be different. But she's already doing you some huge favours. If you want to be in a relationship be in one, and take her away if you must travel. If you want to put friends first and party let her go so she can find someone that values seeing her and wants a life with her, then you go party with your single friends.

Wallywobbles · 11/03/2020 06:20

Having a boyfriend who is away so much makes you the opposite of a catch. It makes you a high risk absent partner. Top that up with you not actually wanting to spend your available time with her. Do the math.

Wallywobbles · 11/03/2020 06:21

I mean why do you think you're such a catch?

PrincessPain · 11/03/2020 06:53

It's literally like talking to a brick wall on this thread.

Firstly, you said you'd see her for the full 2 weeks, then asked "permission" if you can go on holiday, when she said no, you have labelled her controlling and argumentative.
You know it's a destination she has always wanted to go to but are going with your friend instead.
You said she could come too, but then have said you would be drinking, and hanging with your mate while he finds his next shag. So now you're not a bad guy because you said she can come too, knowing she can't really come and won't. And I'm pretty sure your mate would be pissed if your girl friend tagged along.
You might love her (which I do doubt) but you love going on holiday and getting pissed with your mates more, fine. But don't string her along.
She can do better than 9 days in 3 months.
And if you loved her you would be able to see that.
I think after a year together shes expecting to me more of a priority.
I hope she sees shes worth more than what works out as 3 days a month.

ihaveaquestionplease · 11/03/2020 07:07

I'm not sure what your gf is getting out of this 'relationship'

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