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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on a lads holiday

151 replies

1213dontknow · 10/03/2020 19:22

Well not really lads. Just me and and a friend who is single.
Im 26 male, been with my girlfriend for a year. I am working away, will be away for 5 weeks and then home for 2,
I want to go on holiday with my friend for 5 days in Europe but girlfriend has said she wouldnt be too happy because we only saw each other for a week last time and with my holiday, it means we'd only see each other for 2 weeks in 2 monthish, so she asked if we could wait until my next rotation for me to go on holiday so we can spend time together.
I said okay but it caused a huge argument about me always talking about holidays with my friend and how when i was home last week, we discussed spending those 2 weeks together and now i've backtracked apparently and talked about going on holiday.
She said she's not sure if we want different things as she feels i'm going away again as soon as im home and i'll just be getting drunk with my mate (he loves to drink and he's single so that's what he loves to do) whereas she said she was excited to spend those 2 weeks together as we only saw each other a week last time.

I feel she's been a bit controlling. She knows i love holidaying and travelling but she seems to start arguments whenever i bring up a holiday. I holidayed with my friend last september for 2 weeks and she was fine with it but now it seems she starts arguments.
Im not going now, i'll book it for the 2 weeks im home after but feel a bit annoyed about the argument

OP posts:

Doggybiccys · 11/03/2020 07:17

OP you will get a hard time about this. No one is right / wrong in this situation. You and your GF just have different outlooks / priorities at this time in your lives. You want down time with your friend, drinking and partying which I would have loved to have done at your age so no judgement. She wants to spend quality time with you when you are not away and probably misses you. Maybe time to be single yourself for a few years and enjoy your travelling without having to timetable without someone else.

Nanny0gg · 11/03/2020 07:25

So you enjoy partying on your own whilst your friend 'entertains' his latest... I don't know what to call her. Victim seems a little harsh...find?

Anyway, not that much fun for you surely? Not what most would call 'travel'. And you'd rather do that than spend time with the girl you supposedly love?

Do you really not see her point?

mummmy2017 · 11/03/2020 08:21

I think at some point in your life you have to change how you want it to be.
Either your single and do lots of holidays with your friend or
Your in a relationship and that comes first.
You can't have your cake and eat it.

thepeopleversuswork · 11/03/2020 08:24

Agree that you both want different things and should go your separate ways.

Of course you’re “allowed” to go on holiday - you can do what you want. But she is “allowed” to feel that your need to prioritise your drunkard mate over her in the rare free time you have makes you a poor choice as partner.

It’s about choices and owning your decisions. You have to decide what is more important: a recurring holiday with someone who wants to get pissed and pull women or a relationship.

AnneKipanki · 11/03/2020 08:27

Just split up . Too much at this early stage.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 11/03/2020 16:37

Well i messaged her saying all is okay, and she replied i love you

OP posts:

Fluffybutter · 11/03/2020 16:44

You sound incompatible.
She likes relaxed holidays ,you like lads holidays .
Yes she has every right to be pissed ,especially since you are going somewhere she really wanted to go .
You also said you asked her if it was ok and when she said it wasn’t you’ve kicked off .
Stop wasting her time and let her find someone where she is the priority as no matter how many times you’ve said she’s yours ,she clearly isn’t

Sunflowersok · 11/03/2020 16:44

Op it sounds like you want more of the single lads life and she wants to settle down. If that’s the case it isn’t fair to put her through this.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 11/03/2020 16:53

But i like relaxed holidays too , i havent been on holiday with my friend since september whereas i went with my girlfriend in december so my friend wants to go on holiday again

OP posts:

Isthistrueor · 11/03/2020 16:58

I can see her point and don’t think she’s controlling. If my DH had been away with work for weeks then announced he’d be going away on a piss up for a fortnight straight after I’d be angry too.

Isthistrueor · 11/03/2020 16:59

I’m another one who thinks you want different things. She sounds more mature than you.

rockingmass · 11/03/2020 17:01

It’s not controlling of her to be pissed off about it. She’s just hacked off she doesn’t see that much of you but she either needs to accept that or dump you for someone who is.

rockingmass · 11/03/2020 17:03

I would dump you if I were her, she sounds a bit more mature and wanting to settle down a bit and you want to do what you like and hang out with the lads. Both valid choices but not that compatible.

Fluffybutter · 11/03/2020 18:18

But why do you have to go on so many lads holidays ? You say “I last went in September” that’s not that long ago .. most people I know that still have these kinds of holidays only do it once a year or so or for a special occasion .

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 11/03/2020 19:20

But i like relaxed holidays too , i havent been on holiday with my friend since september whereas i went with my girlfriend in december so my friend wants to go on holiday again*

Most people in commited relationships don't go on two mates holidays a year, even with hen/stag dos. That's ignoring that she will be making big sacrifices for you given your work schedule.

It'a irrelevant if she sends you a nice text. Going away again is a dick move.

Original poster

1213dontknow · 11/03/2020 20:27

But i can afford to go on more than 1 holiday a year

OP posts:

HisNibs · 11/03/2020 21:10

So what if you can afford more than one holiday per year....

So over a 70 day period you're planning on spending a whole 9 days with your partner? That's not a relationship. I know people who see their dentist more often than that!

It's perfectly clear that you want to live the single lifestyle but with the 'benefits' of being in a relationship. That makes you selfish and entitled. No wonder there's no vote on this thread.

I too remember the thread from before by your partner so I guess that she will be watching this one. She needs to cut you loose so you can continue your wanderings. You don't seem to 'get' what a relationship is about.

Why any fella in a relationship, committed or not, would want to spend the bit of downtime they had from work following another lad around who just wants to get pissed and pull women rather than be with their partner makes no sense.

It's hard to believe you're 26. My son is 5 years younger and way more mature. He 'gets' what it's about.

HisNibs · 11/03/2020 21:28

Sorry I had it as 4 weeks away, 2 weeks off and then away working again making 70 days but since I've just re-read one of your earlier posts it's actually 5 weeks away at a time. Great so she gets to see you for 9 days out of 84. Even better...

Original poster

1213dontknow · 11/03/2020 21:45

Well im not seeing her for another 4 weels after this week, but im happy with how things are going

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 11/03/2020 21:47

but im happy with how things are going

She Clearly isnt. Does that matter to you?

Original poster

1213dontknow · 11/03/2020 21:47

It's not that i go on holiday with my friend to follow him around but i enjoy going on holiday with him,
I've missed about 3 holidays with him since October (some uk ones) since i work away and me and girlfriend were away one time they went away

OP posts:

HisNibs · 11/03/2020 22:46

Clearly doesn't give a damn about her.

Seems more concerned about the holidays he's missed.

MunaZaldrizoti · 11/03/2020 22:50

Seriously, who cares how many holidays you've missed? Entirely irrelevant, mate

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 11/03/2020 22:55

But i can afford to go on more than 1 holiday a year

It is nothing to do with money. If you want to go on holiday again offer to take your girlfriend. It is weird to keep going with the same friend.

I have spelt out twice gives up a lot due to your work schedule. As it is you rarely see her. It takes the piss to see her less to go on your 2nd holiday this year with a friend.

Does it matter to you what your girlfriend thinks or feels? Sincere question.

HisNibs · 11/03/2020 22:58

I think the OP is just taking the piss now. It's clear no-one agrees with him. Better to let this thread fade away.

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