Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Original poster

To think the orthodontist is rude

352 replies

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 12:44

Hi,

DS (18) has overbite and has been receiving orthodontic treatment for it since July 2018.

His orthodontist has always come across as very sarcastic and unprofessional.

A few months after the start of the treatment she recommended he get one of his upper side teeth removed to allow space for the bite to reduce, she didn’t provide DS with enough info about this at the time so he refused and then she made sarcastic comments like “oh you’re a man with a plan” “why come here anymore if you won’t get this simple procedure done”

Eventually, he did get it done and then she started to be reasonable again. (Ok I do get why she may be annoyed that he refused to get his tooth extracted, but she didn’t provide him with enough facts and she didn’t need to be blunt about it)

Anyway, he was in again today and he had broken his braces as he was removing plaque a couple of days ago with a dental hook and the wire came off and he tried to put it back in again and it wouldn’t go in.

I told him to tell the orthodontist that he was eating corn on the cob and it came off due to that, which he did and she didn’t believe it.

She didn’t directly say that, she just said “oh well that’s the most dangerous corn on the cob I’ve come across, “I think it’s had a little assistance”

So obviously she knew he was lying but DS thinks that was rude? AWBU?

He also asked her if the braces could come off soon and she apparently bluntly said no and her tone kind of made it sound like it was unreasonable that he was even asking for the braces to come off.

P.s I’m asking this on DS’ behalf

OP posts:

20viona · 09/03/2020 14:18

I'm actually one of these 'little assistants' so thank for making us feel like we aren't worthwhile.
There's nothing worse than patients coming in with breakages and lying about it and I'm pretty sure the practice will be glad to get rid of you pair.
Every breakage costs time, and money the nhs just doesn't have to be throwing away like this. The bond is so strong for the appliances and the reason you're given instructions is to follow them for this reason.

20viona · 09/03/2020 14:19

Oh what a classic you've never even met her. What a joke this has turned into. You're gonna get flamed.

DaisyintheCloud · 09/03/2020 14:20

From her perspective she’s a professional and there is a teenager who comes in, thinks he knows better with regards to tooth extraction and then also thinks she’s an idiot who can be fobbed off with an obvious lie about breaking the braces?

^ this.

Also, totally agree with the various PPs who have said you come off as rude yourself. ‘Her little assistant’? That’s an obnoxious way to speak about someone. Replying to a PP with ‘duh’, again, not an example of fine manners.

If you and your son come across anything like this in real life to your poor orthodontist I’m not surprised she seems to have little time for you.

Original poster

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:27

Ah ok you guys - so you’re telling me if for example your DH comes in from work and says he works with a nasty person you wouldn’t believe him because you haven’t met the person?

OP posts:

Peasfox · 09/03/2020 14:27

I don’t think either party come off well here...

JudgeRindersMinder · 09/03/2020 14:29

So.
Your ds didn’t want an essential part of the treatment-I can’t see how much explanation you need about a tooth needing removed for the treatment plan other than “this needs to come out”

He damaged the brace-by cleaning it-why on earth would you think that would provoke a bad response? It happens, braces need repairs

He wants the brace removed before the treatment is complete-well that’s a waste of his probable pain during the treatment and taxpayers money.

Quite frankly he sounds like a pain in the arse of a patient, and perhaps the orthodontist used joking and sarcasm to build some kind of rapport with your 18 year old son?

And yes I’ve been through extractions and braces with one of my teens and there was no drama at all, even when he needed 4 extractions at age 11

Original poster

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:29

@20viona I’m sorry you feel that way - that’s not what I meant at all. I am frustrated with the assistant in my DS’ case. I’m sure you’re fab at your job so please don’t take my comment personally

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 09/03/2020 14:29

Some poeple take sarcasm and certain toines very personally-my dsis is one of them shes always going on about someone nasty saying things when i hear them its just their sarcasm sometimes funny but not meant personally

some professionals dont like people wasting their time if he just said what does it enail or asked more about it she might have explained

Twillow · 09/03/2020 14:30

Honestly, from your attitude I'm not surprised she's a bit shirty with you - every excuse under the sun for your son. Why didn't he just ask her to explain more about the extraction? Why didn't he just say I was cleaning plaque?
Weird.

ihaveaquestionplease · 09/03/2020 14:34

A few months after the start of the treatment she recommended he get one of his upper side teeth removed to allow space for the bite to reduce, she didn’t provide DS with enough info about this

I'm not sure how much more information he needed?

mbosnz · 09/03/2020 14:36

If my DD came home in high dudgeon saying that a health professional had been rude and nasty to her, I'd not necessarily take her at face value, no. Because I know she can come across as having a bit of an attitude, particularly if nervous, and that sometimes teenagers can have a somewhat overinflated sense of what they're due in terms of courtesy and respect, as opposed to what they think they should be dishing out.

And I'd be very unimpressed at them not being sufficiently confident to ask questions if they were uncertain about the course of treatment recommended to them, until they were comfortable with the advised course of action, instead assuming they know better, and wasting everyone's time (and money). And I would never support them lying to a health professional, that's just ridiculous. I would definitely be saying that the health professional involved is the one to say when treatment is over 'it looks fine to me' isn't exactly an expert professional opinion!

Enchiladas · 09/03/2020 14:38

Why the pointless lie about the corn on the cob ?!

MarthasGinYard · 09/03/2020 14:38

Perhaps not having the extraction done at soon ax advised has slowed the treatment down.

gamerwidow · 09/03/2020 14:41

If you tell an obvious lie to a health professional I thinks its reasonable that they respond with a heavy dose of sarcasm. Don't treat this woman like an idiot and her attitude will probably change.

JellyfishandShells · 09/03/2020 14:42

Instead of teaching your son to default, preemptively, to lying, it would be a better parental strategy to teach him how to ask professionals to clarify things he doesn’t understand, to be honest about how damage is caused and to stop looking for slights and tones when his lying is revealed.

How has his school career been, OP ? Were you ‘up that school’ raging about unfair treatment from teachers ?

pandora206 · 09/03/2020 14:46

Did the orthodontist recommend using a dental pick? I had braces for overbite over 3 years in my 50s (at a cost of over £3k) and cleaning routines included brushing, interdental brushes and flossing.

In my experience it is worth staying the full course of treatment as it improves the chances of the teeth remaining straight. I still wear retainers (9 years later) every night and will need to for life. When I went to get a new set recently my orthodontist told me I was one of the few patients to persist with them long term. I was surprised after all that time and effort but he remarked 'Still, it pays for my pension'. In other words, his patients return years later needing more braces as they haven't followed the advice given.

When wearing braces sometimes things appear to get worse before they get better, and it does seem a very long haul. However, with care the impact can be amazing. I was fortunate to have successful treatment and the effect has significant.

Original poster

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:46

@JellyfishandShells no. If I thought a teacher was being unfair then yeah I’d say something, who wouldn’t?

I’ve had to speak to his school over the years about all sorts of issues and I never defended him if I thought he was in the wrong!

OP posts:

JellyfishandShells · 09/03/2020 14:49

I’ve had to speak to his school over the years about all sorts of issues and I never defended him if I thought he was in the wrong!

That sentence says it all, really.

Original poster

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:52

@jellyfishandShells what exactly is that meant to mean? Are you one of those parents that looks down their nose at others? And their children are spoilt brats?

OP posts:

Derbee · 09/03/2020 14:53

Let’s look at the facts.

Your son is having expensive treatment on the NHS. He’s lucky.

He is refusing necessary treatment, and delaying the overall progress of the treatment.

You are supporting this.

You are encouraging him to lie to his professional healthcare provider.

He wants to end the treatment early, because it looks to both of you ( non dental qualified) like his teeth are fine.

The orthodontist knows that removing them too early will allow his teeth to revert to their original position, rendering all the cost/time/effort/pain totally pointless.

YABU, and so is your son. The fact that you are also a health care professional means you are being even more unreasonable, as you must know how frustrating it is to have people argue the toss about necessary procedures.

Add to that your petty and argumentative responses on here, I’d worry about the next orthodontist that has to suffer you and your son, when you change dentists.

LimpidPools · 09/03/2020 14:55

She sounds unpleasant from your description, but I'm not sure if you're being all that great either.

I can understand why your DS wanted to make an informed decision about having a tooth pulled. Likewise, I get why he lied, although I don't think it was a great idea.

BUT, I don't think that your opinion that "they look fine" so he should have them taken off if he wants is particularly smart. You're not qualified to judge that and it's not all about how nice they look. A misaligned bite can cause real, continuing problems, for example.

She doesn't have to be nice to be right.

By the way, if your son isn't good about wearing his plate/retainers after the train tracks come off his teeth will all move around again. And could end up as bad as or worse than they were in the first place. Just so you're aware.

LimpidPools · 09/03/2020 14:56

Oops, crosspost with Derbee.

Good post, Derbee. I agree

Carrie7469 · 09/03/2020 14:57

I think it's your fault for telling him to lie

NorthEndGal · 09/03/2020 14:57

He sounds odious , as do you

Soontobe60 · 09/03/2020 14:58

you’re right I wasn’t there but like I said - I have no reason to believe DS is lying about them smirking, why would he?

You’ve already made it very clear that he’s a liar!
When I go to the dentist I’ve absolutely no idea what express the dental assistant has, because I’m lying in the chair looking at the ceiling!
Why have you never met the orthodontist? i attended all my dcs appointments, until they were over 18, because I had to. They wouldn’t treat them without the parent present,

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Swipe left for the next trending thread