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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the orthodontist is rude

352 replies

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 12:44

Hi,

DS (18) has overbite and has been receiving orthodontic treatment for it since July 2018.

His orthodontist has always come across as very sarcastic and unprofessional.

A few months after the start of the treatment she recommended he get one of his upper side teeth removed to allow space for the bite to reduce, she didn’t provide DS with enough info about this at the time so he refused and then she made sarcastic comments like “oh you’re a man with a plan” “why come here anymore if you won’t get this simple procedure done”

Eventually, he did get it done and then she started to be reasonable again. (Ok I do get why she may be annoyed that he refused to get his tooth extracted, but she didn’t provide him with enough facts and she didn’t need to be blunt about it)

Anyway, he was in again today and he had broken his braces as he was removing plaque a couple of days ago with a dental hook and the wire came off and he tried to put it back in again and it wouldn’t go in.

I told him to tell the orthodontist that he was eating corn on the cob and it came off due to that, which he did and she didn’t believe it.

She didn’t directly say that, she just said “oh well that’s the most dangerous corn on the cob I’ve come across, “I think it’s had a little assistance”

So obviously she knew he was lying but DS thinks that was rude? AWBU?

He also asked her if the braces could come off soon and she apparently bluntly said no and her tone kind of made it sound like it was unreasonable that he was even asking for the braces to come off.

P.s I’m asking this on DS’ behalf

OP posts:
user1494182820 · 09/03/2020 13:25

She sounds fine, maybe a bit sarcastic. Both you and your son sound overly sensitive and you lied, so 🤷‍♂️

mauvaisereputation · 09/03/2020 13:26

She sounds a bit blunt and sarcastic, but I don’t think any of what she has said crosses the line into unprofessionalism (or even gets near to the line).

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:28

@user1494182820 he lied because
Of her appalling and unreasonable attitude in the past

OP posts:
iMatter · 09/03/2020 13:28

If it's easy to change and as long as his treatment isn't affected then I would change.

Can't be bothered with snarky arseholes

mbosnz · 09/03/2020 13:29

Well, perhaps she doesn't take kindly to being played for a fool by someone lying to her.

And when you're talking about them being belittling, what's this phase 'Her little assistant and her were smirking when she said that', if not belittling?

I wonder what her account would be of dealing with you and your son?

Bbang · 09/03/2020 13:29

Can't be bothered with snarky arseholes

This.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:30

Because they are belittling - duh?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 09/03/2020 13:30

I would ask to see someone else.
She certainly sounds rude to me.

mnthrowaway202020 · 09/03/2020 13:31

You gave him bad advice by telling him to lie, it was a poor lie as well so useless advice

user1494182820 · 09/03/2020 13:31

@Itsmum2000
No, he lied becauae you told him to.

Squigean · 09/03/2020 13:32

How much in the way of 'facts' do you need a about a tooth extraction is needed? He had the why, did she not say which tooth?

Also why tell him to lie about corn? What was the point? Ignoring the fact you thought a professional wouldn't be able to see how it actually was broken.

It's a YABU from me. From what you've described you've just made it sound like your son is a awkward and difficult patient. Both of you have a sprinkling of arrogance.

cptartapp · 09/03/2020 13:33

DS orthodontist is rude too. I wonder if it's the same one. She also laid into him when he was hesitant about having teeth removed. Is she Irish?
However if you're having treatment free on the NHS you do have a responsibility to be honest with your clinician. I'm a HCP and it's dead obvious when people are lying.
DS has had braces for two years now (also an overbite) and still gaps there so still going. Don't abandon your treatment unless it's complete. Your DS sounds a bit immature about the whole thing.

Wolfiefan · 09/03/2020 13:34

You are being rude.
You haven’t said how they were rude in the past.
I’m not surprised she’s fed up of lying and attitude and rudeness from patient and parent.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:34

@user1494182820 Actually I didn’t, I suggested.

I told him to tell the truth but he was anxious
Of her reaction So I only said well ok you could say you ate corn on the cob if you want to take the bad look of it.

DS is 18 and can make his own decisions. If he didn’t want to lie, he wouldn’t.

He wouldn’t need to feel anxious telling the truth if the orthodontist was kind and compassionate

OP posts:
FloofenHoofen · 09/03/2020 13:35

How is that rude? He did break it and he wasn't eating corn on the cob (you shouldn't be eating anything like that with braces on anyways)
I've had braces and only broke the wire once and that's because I fiddled with it so wires don't just pop out.

Also your son sounds like a difficult patient refusing to get treatment to help progress his braces treatment.
I don't think this is the orthodontist this is your son.

mauvaisereputation · 09/03/2020 13:35

I’m not sure what the polite way of calling someone out on an obvious lie is tbh!

mbosnz · 09/03/2020 13:36

I think that if you change orthodontist, it's highly likely to bring about a feeling of relief on both sides.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/03/2020 13:37

DS is 18 and can make his own decisions. If he didn’t want to lie, he wouldn’t.

Ahhhh, so that’s how you teach children to make moral decisions. Bravo OP 👏🏼

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:37

@Wolfiefan eh how am I being rude? DS is a patient and deserves to be treated with respect.

I’m a nurse and I have to be careful how I speak to my patients so I don’t come across as condescending or rude.

I have actually stated how she was rude in the past if you re read my OP

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:40

@FloofenHoofen no he would have done it right away had she explained the situation properly.

Her lack of clarity meant he didn’t want his teeth removed.

OP posts:
Aquicknamechange2019 · 09/03/2020 13:41

I don't think you can complain about her not taking the braces off - if you remove them too soon then the treatment is basically pointless.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:42

@mbosnz lol you make that sound as if my DS is the problem - the orthodontist is paid to do her job with kindness and respect.

She failed to be kind so I think it is her in the wrong here. If she was nice DS wouldn’t have felt the need to lie

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/03/2020 13:44

“Duh?” For a start.
“Little assistant”
Wow. Bet the orthodontist will be glad to lose the lying teen. And you. You first say you told him to lie then say it was up to him.
You’re wasting her time. You’re not being open and honest. I can see the issue.

User12879923378 · 09/03/2020 13:45

I think that if she is so difficult to deal with that your son was afraid to tell her the truth, you should switch to a different orthodontist.

Bedside manner isn't pandering to snowflakes, it's important for diagnosis and treatment. Compassionate clinicians who listen carefully and put their patients at ease are more likely to get a full and honest history from the patient than snarky clinicians who make their patients afraid of being honest.

I don't think you should have told your son to lie but I also think it reflects very badly on her that after such a long treating relationship he was afraid to tell her how it had happened.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/03/2020 13:46

Yanbu. What on earth is wrong with everyone telling you you are being oversensitive. OP, if it comes to it then change practice or practitioner. Your son shouldn't be walking on egg shells over healthcare treatment and it's actually a very good thing that he hesitated over having his tooth removed without enough info - a lot of 18yr olds and indeed adults would have just gone along with it as we are conditioned to respect/believe HCPs. It's not difficult to not be rude. OP YANBU.

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