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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the orthodontist is rude

352 replies

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 12:44

Hi,

DS (18) has overbite and has been receiving orthodontic treatment for it since July 2018.

His orthodontist has always come across as very sarcastic and unprofessional.

A few months after the start of the treatment she recommended he get one of his upper side teeth removed to allow space for the bite to reduce, she didn’t provide DS with enough info about this at the time so he refused and then she made sarcastic comments like “oh you’re a man with a plan” “why come here anymore if you won’t get this simple procedure done”

Eventually, he did get it done and then she started to be reasonable again. (Ok I do get why she may be annoyed that he refused to get his tooth extracted, but she didn’t provide him with enough facts and she didn’t need to be blunt about it)

Anyway, he was in again today and he had broken his braces as he was removing plaque a couple of days ago with a dental hook and the wire came off and he tried to put it back in again and it wouldn’t go in.

I told him to tell the orthodontist that he was eating corn on the cob and it came off due to that, which he did and she didn’t believe it.

She didn’t directly say that, she just said “oh well that’s the most dangerous corn on the cob I’ve come across, “I think it’s had a little assistance”

So obviously she knew he was lying but DS thinks that was rude? AWBU?

He also asked her if the braces could come off soon and she apparently bluntly said no and her tone kind of made it sound like it was unreasonable that he was even asking for the braces to come off.

P.s I’m asking this on DS’ behalf

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:47

@Wolfiefan maybe if she wasn’t so off in the past he would feel much better and he wouldn’t need to lie.

I did tell him to tell the truth! And I meant nothing by “little assistant” it was just an expression. Anyway, what makes you think I give a dam about them if they are sitting smirking about my son whilst fitting his braces?

OP posts:
Lynda07 · 09/03/2020 13:48

I don't understand why you told your son to lie about the reason for his appliance breaking, the real reason was quite valid, it's not like he deliberately removed it or even lost it.

No, the orthdontist is not rude but if your son is not happy, he can find another one.

mbosnz · 09/03/2020 13:49

Some people have a better bedside manner than others. I've certainly had medical practitioners be less than kind and respectful to me in my view, although I'm sure they thought their manner was absolutely fine. Perhaps she thinks she is perfectly kind and respectful (particularly given that your son was fairly obviously lying to her, which never makes a person feel particularly charitable towards the fibber), but clearly you don't think she is sufficiently so.

So change provider. Obviously you're mutually incompatible.

But perhaps your son needs to develop a bit of a thicker skin and an ability to deal with people who aren't treating him exactly as he wishes to be treated - whether that's calling them out on it in an assertive manner, or voting with his feet. Because guaranteed, he's going to come across a fair few more of them in life, from receiving medical treatment, to being in employment, or dealing with difficult relations or inlaws!

Brefugee · 09/03/2020 13:51

If he thought she didn't give him enough information about getting the tooth out he should have asked or gone for a second opinion. There's a reason orthodontists train for so long.

She's probably sick of teenagers not following simple instructions (ours used to say so many of her patients ate apples without cutting them up first and then complained their braces broke etc etc) so she's developed a way to handle it.

You're getting really expensive treatment funded by the taxpayer. Follow the instructions or go elsewhere but stop lying to the orthodontist.

As for wanting them off - again she's the expert. If you're not happy, go elsewhere.

TheStuffedPenguin · 09/03/2020 13:53

If DS wants his braces off in the next few months, can she refuse to take them off?

So your son is getting free braces on the NHS yet you want to let him dictate the course of treatment ? Getting them off early - why ? Sounds like you are wasting NHS money .

TheStuffedPenguin · 09/03/2020 13:54

Oh and were you witness to all of this smirking etc or is this second hand information?

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:54

@TheStuffedPenguin in all honesty I see no problem with his teeth, they look absolutely fine.

And if DS wants to end his treatment then he can do so

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 13:55

@TheStuffedPenguin yeah of course I’m sure DS made this up. It seems the type of them. They’ve been unprofessional since he set foot in the place

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 09/03/2020 13:56

'Little assistant'

How belittling.

Is your DS like you? Maybe he met his match.

At least he might think twice before lying next time.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:00

@MarthasGinYard wow! That is rude! Well maybe she is a little assistant if she smirks about my son in front of him? Eh?

OP posts:
TheStuffedPenguin · 09/03/2020 14:00

*@TheStuffedPenguin in all honesty I see no problem with his teeth, they look absolutely fine.

And if DS wants to end his treatment then he can do so*

Yup you're wasting NHS money .

Wolfiefan · 09/03/2020 14:01

You don’t give a damn?
Because they smiled?
And you initially said you told him to lie.
So glad I’m no longer in a role that deals with the public.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:01

@TheStuffedPenguin not really. They look fine now and he’s had them on nearly 2 years

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:04

@Wolfiefan they weren’t smiling though if they were deliberately making fun and taking the piss out of what he said.

if she felt he was lying, she should have asked him upfront instead of making unprofessional comments.

And like I said, DS felt uncomfortable telling the truth for a REASON. Question is - why would he hesitate telling the truth?

You’re right it is a silly thing to lie about - but maybe it is also a silly thing for an orthodontist to get awkward about if he told her exactly what happened

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 09/03/2020 14:06

Who said they were smirking?
Sounds like you just don’t like her.
You didn’t give the orthodontist the common courtesy of telling the truth.
He lied and nothing you’ve said here suggests they are rude etc etc.

TheStuffedPenguin · 09/03/2020 14:09

@Itsmum2000 I really don't understand you - are you an expert on teeth and braces ? Why would you think she is keeping them on longer than necessary ?

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:10

@Wolfiefan I’ve never met her so I cannot say if I like or dislike her.

We are going round in circles. He would have told the truth if she wasn’t so sarcastic and cheeky about things.

And I have described how she has been rude before, read my OP.

DS said they were smirking - and don’t say he made that up because I am sure he didn’t. What has he to gain by lying to me about them two smirking?

OP posts:
QuizzlyBear · 09/03/2020 14:12

If your son didn't feel he had enough information re the removal of his tooth, why on Earth did he not ask for more? My 13 year old has braces and if he's unsure of anything, he asks!

Your orthodontist sounds a bit brusque, but in all honesty, every one I've ever met has been, so I'm not sure she'd stand out.

Tbh, you / your son do sound a bit awkward (lying, asking for braces to be removed before treatment has finished, refusing essential parts of the treatment, breaking the wires) when her job is to provide your son with straight teeth. Her bedside manner is pretty irrelevant to that goal and the only ones hindering that is you / your son, not her.

Wolfiefan · 09/03/2020 14:12

Oh dear. You weren’t even there.
Maybe time to teach your 18 year old not to lie and to listen to professionals or not waste their time. He sounds very immature.
I can’t see any examples of how she’s been rude. Just that your son doesn’t seem to like the advice of the experts.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:12

@TheStuffedPenguin I’m no expert in orthodontics at all - I say what I see. When I compare his teeth to what they looked like before treatment started, I’d say they are now perfect so I can’t see why he needs them anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 14:15

@Wolfiefan you’re right I wasn’t there but like I said - I have no reason to believe DS is lying about them smirking, why would he?

Maybe the professionals need to learn to be kind.

And it’s her little comments that are rude and the tone that she apparently says them in

OP posts:
TheStuffedPenguin · 09/03/2020 14:15

@Itsmum2000 this has to be a joke ?

greenemerald · 09/03/2020 14:15

No she cannot refuse to remove the braces. If patient withdraws consent then this is binding. However the risks of terminating treatment before completion should be explained beforehand to you. Really depends on what stage he is at/what is being corrected. We usually require something in writing beforehand to say the patient is requesting to discontinue the treatment. As he is an NHS patient, you'll also have to accept that once the brace is removed, no further treatment on the NHS for orthodontics can be provided (if he regrets it in the future, any treatment would have to be self funded basically). Also we would get the patient/parent to sign a document saying they have requested termination too. However if the issue is he just isn't getting on with his ortho, perhaps requesting to see someone else would be a better option?

Wolfiefan · 09/03/2020 14:16

Apparently.
You’ve never met her.
Jeez this sounds like Y5 kids in the playground.

Deadringer · 09/03/2020 14:16

Sounds like she is doing a great job then. What a big fuss about nothing.