To think the orthodontist is rude

[Itsmum2000]

Hi,

DS (18) has overbite and has been receiving orthodontic treatment for it since July 2018.

His orthodontist has always come across as very sarcastic and unprofessional.

A few months after the start of the treatment she recommended he get one of his upper side teeth removed to allow space for the bite to reduce, she didn’t provide DS with enough info about this at the time so he refused and then she made sarcastic comments like “oh you’re a man with a plan” “why come here anymore if you won’t get this simple procedure done”

Eventually, he did get it done and then she started to be reasonable again. (Ok I do get why she may be annoyed that he refused to get his tooth extracted, but she didn’t provide him with enough facts and she didn’t need to be blunt about it)

Anyway, he was in again today and he had broken his braces as he was removing plaque a couple of days ago with a dental hook and the wire came off and he tried to put it back in again and it wouldn’t go in.

I told him to tell the orthodontist that he was eating corn on the cob and it came off due to that, which he did and she didn’t believe it.

She didn’t directly say that, she just said “oh well that’s the most dangerous corn on the cob I’ve come across, “I think it’s had a little assistance”

So obviously she knew he was lying but DS thinks that was rude? AWBU?

He also asked her if the braces could come off soon and she apparently bluntly said no and her tone kind of made it sound like it was unreasonable that he was even asking for the braces to come off.

P.s I’m asking this on DS’ behalf

Your son is an adult, let him sort it out himself and if he doesn’t understand he should speak up and ask questions, instead of just refusing because she didn’t tell him everything he wanted to know. Also, stop telling him what to say in appointments, he’s not 10, especially if they’re lies.

@Piglet89 and do you not realise that there isn’t a magical delete button, I have to request admin to delete the thread?

Tbh, what you've said in your OP doesn't make her sound rude at all. Asking why he was continuing to attend orthodontic appointments if he was refusing parts of the treatment seems totally reasonable. And he was unreasonable for wanting to end the treatment early, so if her tone made him feel that she judged it just right.

Calling someone out on a lie is always awkward. She did it with a smile and a joke. She could have been more blunt "I don't believe you" but IMO that would actually have been ruder (and you weren't happy with her blunt approach to him refusing the treatment so perhaps she was trying a different tactic).

Ultimately, it does seem that your DS has a problem with being treated by her, so he should just request a different orthodontist.

But you’re still commenting and stoking the fires and keeping the thread going FGS!

Just your tone:

“Do you not realise...”

“May I remind you...”

So patronising.

@Piglet89 I wouldn’t have needed to be patronising if people weren’t quick to judge me and my DS

You don’t need to be patronising though.
You’re choosing to be.

The sooner they take this thread of the better. This is not the outcome I wanted. I don’t like tension and conflict anymore than any of you do

There’s never a need to be patronising, OP.

Never.

Surest way to make people judge you even more.

“this is not the outcome I wanted”.

I think the outcome you wanted was for everyone to agree with you. I suppose it must be disappointing when they obviously don’t.

@Piglet89 It would be Lovely if everybody did agree with one another but that is not what I am annoyed about, I didn’t expect every single person to agree with me. What i did expect was it to be a civil discussion

Oh for goodness sake, she was perfectly polite in response to a bold faced lie.

Yes you are right, you don't know, yet everyone has pounced and made assumptions about the OPs ds being a, what was it... A rude snotty 18 year old, that's hard of thinking 😂 ffs.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Just one thing - if a person says 'perhaps', they are not making assumptions, they are suggesting possibilities. . . they are by no means stating that these possibilities are indeed fact, just suggesting that they do exist as possibilities.

I mean, I think I’ve been fairly civil, but got snapped at by you for explaining the dialect point.

It just gets people’s backs up.

I’ve had orthodontic treatment as a teenager and it wouldn’t even have occurred to me to disagree with the medical professional treating me regarding the need for extraction: and I had FOUR molars removed!!!

@Piglet89 yes and DS does need to build resilience and I’m sure as he moves on through life and grows older.

I know that he needs to grow up and if he feels he’s being treated unfairly that he needs to bring it up with the orthodontist rather than saying nothing and moaning to me and DH about it.

But having said that, I only made this thread because I thought her comments were rather unfriendly, especially the one were she said “why bother coming here” that would make me feel uneasy right away. That is all.

If I had thought DS had a been cheeky to her I’d be telling him right away to make an apology to her because rudeness shouldn’t be tolerated from her but also DS

Also, she kept DS waiting 30 minutes for his appointment the other day and never apologised. If I were late for a patient the first thing I’d be doing is saying sorry

Why should he just go ahead with it? It’s his body regardless of whether she’s an expert or not

You are either totally enjoying this as a wind up or extremely stupid .

Hardly stupid I’ve been to university and have all my qualifications and a good career. Can you not be nice. I don’t want to argue anymore

That's the point. He didn't have the initiative to ask some questions to get the information that ultimately made him comfortable to undergo the recommended course of treatment.

@mbosnz Well here is the first of your posts that I commented on. You definitely made an assumption here. You don't know if the ds asked any questions, perhaps he did, perhaps he didn't because he didn't want any more sarcastic answers. When someone is made to feel stupid, it can put them off asking questions. Not all 18 year olds are confident.

I don’t like tension and conflict anymore than any of you do

You are wrong OP, they LOVE it.

Stop reading then and commenting . Your whole attitude has been disgusting and at no point have you seemed appreciative that your son is even receiving this treatment FREE to start with . You just want people to be "nice" ?

Wrong. I stated that I am grateful for the NHS. I also stated that free health care doesn’t mean providers can walk over patients and say what they like

I'm sure as a nurse, the op pays taxes 🤔.

Your whole attitude has been disgusting

🙄 Bit ott there.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion you are so right. They do love it.

And yep I do pay taxes so I contribute to the NHS in my own way. Too true

I think the OP has been pretty reserved in the face of some of the shitty comments about her child.

@mbosnz Well here is the first of your posts that I commented on. You definitely made an assumption here. You don't know if the ds asked any questions, perhaps he did, perhaps he didn't because he didn't want any more sarcastic answers. When someone is made to feel stupid, it can put them off asking questions. Not all 18 year olds are confident.

That is fair. I thought OP had said he hadn't, which going back, she didn't, so apologies, definitely an erroneous assumption.

However, I stand by that if an 18 year old is too scared to ask questions, which will enable them to feel confident to make a decision about treatment, they should then take the initiative to ask someone, perhaps their parent, to go as their support person or advocate.