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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 14:05

Actually, none of my children wee on the carpet at their age! And if they did, I would warn someone before I arrived. Or arrange a playdate somewhere else, or at my house.

OP posts:
GiraffeandPellyandme · 09/03/2020 14:13

@izzywizzygood

Seriousy?

Kids however annoying don't stink. If they did I probably wouldn't invite them either!

Duckingell · 09/03/2020 14:14

Pleased that they are looking for somewhere else to stay OP.

I wouldn't have a dog in my house either. I have new floors and furniture - why would I want someone else's animal to damage them it's bad enough when people visit with DC

PatchworkMonkey · 09/03/2020 14:16

I have a 3yo boy and a 6 month old springer puppy. The 3yo I can control with a stern voice a bit of bribery if he starts acting up. The pup - she is bonkers, it's her breed! There's no WAY I'd take her inside someone's house. And she moults!

GiraffeandPellyandme · 09/03/2020 14:16

@Transformer123 I had an identical situation. I told them sorry no dog, without trying to justify it. They had a bit of a hissy fit and cancelled. Which I was fine about.

TypingError · 09/03/2020 14:19

Swishing- playful. If they lie on their back and show you their tummy, they are submissive, and want a rub. If they crouch down, almost bowing to you, that means 'play with me'. A lick is a kiss
What if you don't want a kick or anything else? You just want it to go away?

TypingError · 09/03/2020 14:19

Lick

Ginfordinner · 09/03/2020 14:28

helpme7 and izzywizzygood you just don’t get it do you? Hmm
Can neither of you bear to be away from your pets for a couple of days? Do you always put your pets first? When we had cats they stayed in a cattery when we went away.

Willow2017 · 09/03/2020 14:40

What if it they were bringing a child? I'd be worried about my new carpets in that case too. How would you like it if someone said to you: "please don't bring your daughter into my house, I don't want her touching my things or breaking anything or weeing on the carpet? Unless you put her in cage, that's ok." Dogs are family.
Oh get over yourself!
Dogs are nothing remotely like kids.
Dogs are animals, nobody has to accommodate your choice to have one. You chose a dog you live with the restrictions it brings not the other way around
.
ITB if anyones kid was in the habit of peeing all over the carpet they wouldnt be welcome either!😄

Dustarr73 · 09/03/2020 14:46

@izzywizzygood Why are you comparing a dog to a child.That doesnt make any sense.

Ginfordinner · 09/03/2020 14:50

What if it they were bringing a child?

What a ridiculous question. People don't suddenly spring a child on their friends. They usually get about 9 months notice about the new addition to the family. And people don't invite their friends with children for the weekend then tell them they can't bring their children.

Beau20 · 09/03/2020 14:55

@PatchworkMonkey I have a springer too - probably why I'd never take him elsewhere even with an invite. He is bonkers (and PS. they never get less bonkers even as they mature)

Now if the OPs friends had a tiny little sausage dog or similar I'd probably reconsider. Still, I'm a dog lover and my dog is my family but I'd never ever bring it along to anyones house!

Sypha · 09/03/2020 15:01

izzy that's insanity. Dogs are pets. We can love them like family but they are still pets. There is no comparison to a child, for heaven's sake.

Raspberrytruffle · 09/03/2020 15:05

Omg izzy most kids dont shit on the floor! I love my dogs dearly but they are not in the same category as my children. Get a grip lady @izzywizzygood

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2020 15:18

Eh, most dogs don’t shit or pee on the floor either. And they have not said the dog is not house trained.

And Izzy has a point, small children can be messy, I’m surprised people are pretending otherwise, just as messy, if not more, than a puppy who is house trained.

Cyw2018 · 09/03/2020 15:18

YANBU to tell them the dog can't come, but they would not BU to cancel the visit.

Getting someone to look after a dog isn't always easy, particularly when it is a puppy, and Kennels can be expensive.

Maybe suggest that you visit them and stay at their house this time instead, or meet somewhere halfway for a walk and a meal out (might be good for your dd to get to know the dog in a more relaxed environment like a park, woods or beach).

IntermittentParps · 09/03/2020 15:19

nobody has to accommodate your choice to have one. You chose a dog you live with the restrictions it brings not the other way around

You can just as easily substitute the word 'child' here.

Zombiemum1946 · 09/03/2020 15:24

Ynbu they are. Say no to the puppy. They got the dog and they knew they had plans to go to the house of a child scared of dogs. They've not discussed this with you. New carpets and a puppy are not a great combo, but most of all a scared kid for 2 weeks. We used to dog sit for my friends when they went away. Maybe they can find someone to do that for them.

QuestionableMouse · 09/03/2020 15:29

I think you need to help your daughter not be so scared of dogs. It doesn't sound fun or healthy to be that frightened she's screaming (which could provoke a nasty reaction from some dogs.)

IntermittentParps · 09/03/2020 15:32

most of all a scared kid for 2 weeks.
The OP says 'they are staying for a long weekend (not two weeks) in a fortnight.'

damnthatanxiety · 09/03/2020 15:38

izzywizzygood your analogy is ridiculous and I say that as someone with 3 dogs. Dogs are not people. They are not the same as children. We do not feed out children on the floor, nor do we leave then for periods of time alone and we do not put them down when they are old or unwell. Stop with the guilt tripping. It's not reasonable.

Zombiemum1946 · 09/03/2020 15:40

A child is a very different situation and Op would have very obviously been aware when plans were made. She has kids of her own, more importantly her child is scared of dogs . Would any of you on here subject your child to this for 2 weeks? Is the child expected to hide in her room for 2 weeks to accommodate guests ?

damnthatanxiety · 09/03/2020 15:40

Bluntness100 yes children can be messy but I presume you would know if your friends had DC, they would not just announce that they were bringing some with them. The CF friend's dog was not invited. If you were invited to an adult only event, would you insist on bringing your DC?

Zombiemum1946 · 09/03/2020 15:41

Okay I just saw the update. Still very unfair to a scared child. I would say no for the sake of my child.

mrscatalano · 09/03/2020 15:41

@izzywizzygood I adore my dogs and they are part of my family but they are not a child.
It's not a reasonable comparison.

I have never taken my dogs anywhere uninvited and if we stay anywhere we tend to get a dog sitter or stay somewhere dog friendly.