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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
OchAyeThaNoo · 09/03/2020 13:10

I too would worry that they would bring the pup to yours anyway even if they're staying elsewhere. I'm afraid I'd be saying "Hello, please come in. Just leave the dog in your car though"

WithASpider · 09/03/2020 13:12

Glad to hear it OP, but you might find the accommodation won't allow dogs to be left alone and they'll 'have to' bring it anyway.

We have a lab, she comes to my in laws house but never anywhere else even if invited. CF's, I'd be embarrassed to ask in the first place let alone tell you!

AlexDrake1981 · 09/03/2020 13:13

'And we will be bringing our dog', not 'do you mind if we bring the dog?'

When did people stop being decent & un-entitled?! Hmm

cakewench · 09/03/2020 13:15

YANBU at all.

My ASD DS went through stages with dogs. Initially loved them. Then one day an owner had a huge dog off the lead, it bounded over and jumped on him (he was 2 , 3 at most at the time, the dog was well taller than he was) . That lead to a very long period of him being fucking terrified of dogs. He is 11 now and starting to get over his fear, probably due to getting bigger than the dogs.

There's no reason to force the issue of your daughter getting past her fear. She's still young. Reasonable dog owners believe every dog owner is reasonable, and it's just not true. I wasn't upset at all that my DS didn't want to be around dogs after that; tbh the incident with the jumping dog highlighted to me just how quickly a dog can be on top of a small person like that, and it changed my perspective as well.

As for having guests who just assume they can bring their dog for a weekend, absolute CFers. Not a chance. Just say no. I wouldn't apologise either, just "oh, we hadn't realised you intended to bring the dog with you for the weekend. Unfortunately, we can't accommodate the puppy but the local xyz B&B caters to them." or whatever.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/03/2020 13:17

They will want to bring it round to visit!

Yes, what about this? I think you need to be sure they understand that if they are going to come to your house they need to bring a crate or at the very least that they will need to keep the dog leashed and under control at all times.

DH and I have a dog that travels with us (we RV) and I'm foregoing going to visit a friend next month when we're staying in the area because she has cats and doesn't want a dog in the house with them. It's up to the pet owner guest to be considerate of the host.

Northernwarrior · 09/03/2020 13:19

God no I’d be livid. I don’t have dogs and notice the smell of them in houses even when they are well looked after. Mil house used to smell lovely now it’s all dog and they bath it regularly and take it to get trimmed, she is also a manic cleaner. I’d hate this smell in my own home. A puppy would be so much worse. I would have to put my food down. I suspect they are the new doggy types and everything about their holiday will be centred around the dog. If your not a dog person this will be very annoying. I think it is very cheeky to just assume you can bring the dog.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 09/03/2020 13:19

What would you do/say if their search for alternative accommodation that can take pets is not fruitful?
You must have a plan in place for that situation.

GabsAlot · 09/03/2020 13:20

Erm what are they gong to do with the dog all day-if you were staying in all weekend id rethink your plans

UYScuti · 09/03/2020 13:24

The new doggy types
Oh yes the new doggy types....those will be the people who are not content with just one dog, they have to one up everyone else and get a whole pack of dogs
or if they do have just one dog it is afforded all the status and the rights of a human

Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 13:29

I think we would go on day trips and eat out - like National Trust.

I need to think it through, but if they did come back to the house to visit, I would make it clear before hand that the dog would need to stay outside.
I agree we need to think it through and decide how to plan the weekend.

OP posts:
helpme7 · 09/03/2020 13:29

I think you're entitled to not want the dog but I do think your excuse is a bit rubbish. Also I think your DD needs exposure to animals as this behaviour will not bode well in life- it's a lack of understanding.

Tell them you don't want the dog but expect them not to stay. I wouldn't stay if I was told that. I see people's children as worse than an animal.

agentnully · 09/03/2020 13:33

Well done, OP.

Stick to your guns. You'll be doing them a favour. They have to learn that not everyone is as excited about their new toy, er, puppy as they are.

Better to start their training early before the bad habits set in.

Seriously, get your ducks in a row for the weekend. And don't give in to their puppy dog eyes if their accommodation tells them they can't leave a pup alone.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/03/2020 13:35

She doesn’t need an excuse, it’s her house. Her DD isn’t going to start liking dogs by having one thrust on her in her home.

I’m sure OP is fine with them deciding not to come.

Lynda07 · 09/03/2020 13:37

You're not unreasonable, just tell them that you cannot accommodate their dog. Any reasonable people will understand.

agentnully · 09/03/2020 13:38

I agree, AnneLoveGilbert

OP needs to introduce her daughter to a dog in a controlled way, not let a puppy jump all over her.

It'll either end in tears or her daughter will want one Grin

Raspberrytruffle · 09/03/2020 13:38

I've got dogs and wouldn't be so damn cheeky expecting to bring the dog along, they either cancel or put the dog in kennels. If they say oh dear dog cant cope in kennel then you say oh what a shame then we will rearrange when you have doggy care.

Springbubble912 · 09/03/2020 13:40

Dreadful manners - you ask if you can bring a dog- and fully expect the answer to be no

Raspberrytruffle · 09/03/2020 13:42

Before I even had dogs my cheeky sil brought her dog without asking if we were ok about it, first morning we woke up to a huge pile of shit which was behind the lounge door and got mashed in our cream carpet! , it was a fucking doberman I didn't blame the poor dog I blamed its lazy owners not getting up during the night for the poor dog, dog 2 they got because it was cute pissed all over my carpet. Some people dont think of others , I'm glad to say were no contact!

Cherrysoup · 09/03/2020 13:43

I'd call and say you can't accommodate the dog

This, but I'd be changing it to 'won't accommodate' Cheeky fuckers!

TealWater · 09/03/2020 13:44

They should be looking at accommodation for the dog, not themselves. Like a dog motel or dog sitter.

Because this really makes absolutely no difference. If they bring the dog, they won't be leaving it at their accommodation, even for a lunch date will they? So, the dog will still be there with them at all times. Which, really, doesn't make much difference to the actual situation. Suggest to them a dog motel or a friend of theirs dog sit for the weekend. You, them, and your daughter won't be able to relax for the weekend. The only option is for them not to bring the puppy at all. Full stop. You need to stress that to them, that they need to leave the dog with friends or a dog motel.

And yep, as someone else said, they sound entitled enough and arrogant/dismissive of your feelings and needs enough that I would not put it past them to just 'say' they are looking at alternative accommodation and to rock up to your house and say oh the accommodation fell through, don't worry, the puppy will be fine etc. In fact I would be very surprised if they didn't do this, I think they will.

izzywizzygood · 09/03/2020 13:55

What if it they were bringing a child? I'd be worried about my new carpets in that case too. How would you like it if someone said to you: "please don't bring your daughter into my house, I don't want her touching my things or breaking anything or weeing on the carpet? Unless you put her in cage, that's ok." Dogs are family.

inwood · 09/03/2020 13:57

I have dogs. I love dogs. I would never impose this on a friend!

MarthasGinYard · 09/03/2020 13:59

'What if it they were bringing a child? I'd be worried about my new carpets in that case too. How would you like it if someone said to you: "please don't bring your daughter into my house, I don't want her touching my things or breaking anything or weeing on the carpet? Unless you put her in cage, that's ok." Dogs are family.'

Seriously?

If you are staying at someone's house do you just presume you take your dog? Confused

TealWater · 09/03/2020 14:02

@izzywizzygood My cats are family, too, but I don't take them with me when I stay at other people's places.

Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 14:03

Izzy - Dogs are animals that are not part of our race, so therefore not comparable to a human child. It's a strange comparison. They belong to a family, but they are not family. You would not leave a small child alone for hours, like people do dogs. In fact, you treat them very differently in lots of ways.

OP posts:
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