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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask them not to bring their dog?

368 replies

Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 10:27

We have friends due to stay with us in a fortnight. It was planned a long time ago, and they've just dropped a text to us which includes the sentence "and we will be bringing our dog". I'd forgotten that they recently got a puppy.

The idea of the dog coming is really stressing me out. We've just had new carpets fitted and laminate through the house, and I am also quite nervous of animals. We are not really a pet-loving family (I like animals, just not close around me). My daughter also screams and gets very anxious when dogs come near her.

When my brother brings his dog for a day, they bring his cage and he spends time in there and also out in the garden. My daughter won't be in the room (or garden) if he's out of the cage. However, as they are staying for a long weekend, I think it's unreasonable to expect a puppy to stay in a cage and probably not practical.

My brother says he never just brings his dogs round to people's homes, without checking with them first. They live near relatives, so perhaps a relative could look after it? I'm unsure how to approach this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Transformer123 · 09/03/2020 12:32

Just spoke to my DH and they are looking at alternative accommodation near us!

I'm not too worried about my DD with dogs - I'm sure it's a phase that will pass. She's only 4 years old. If she saw a dog in a park it's not an issue unless it runs up to her. It's more about close proximity and jumping up, following, etc. Obviously if a dog is in your house, there is no getting away! And it often escalates ends up in a refusal to enter the same room.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 09/03/2020 12:32

Don’t give reasons, - to CF they are an invitation to argue. I’ve had 3 dogs and would never do this. Aunt and uncle have had dogs for 40+ years and would never do this. Squishy delicious puppies are bouncy, mouthy, chewy and likely to have accidents. Selfish dog owners, just like selfish parents can see nothing wrong in their spirited darlings’ antics.

Hi CF,
Thanks for the heads up about the dog, I’m afraid we won’t be able to accommodate him. Hope you can make alternative arrangements but fully understand if not.

Love,
Mrs Nicetry

LightDrizzle · 09/03/2020 12:33

Cross post! Relieved for you.

Ginfordinner · 09/03/2020 12:33

Good result OP.

Sypha · 09/03/2020 12:34

Great result, OP

WhateverHappenedToBathPearls · 09/03/2020 12:35

OP, whatever you do don't enter into a discussion with them about your DD being scared of dogs. You'll just get all the usual crap like "ours is really friendly'/'he loves kids' etc etc.

Just say you can't accommodate a puppy. I expect they will cancel the visit though.

I'm a bit Shock, we have several friends and relatives with dogs and no-one has ever even asked if they could bring their dog with them when they stay, let alone informed us that they would be bringing one.

WhateverHappenedToBathPearls · 09/03/2020 12:35

dammit, x-post!

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2020 12:36

It’s just a puppy, would your daughter still be scared? However they are looking for alternate accommodation and you won’t have a puppy in the house that’s it sorted. They will not be able to spend much time with you as they will not be able to leave the puppy for long. As such, the trip seems pointless.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 09/03/2020 12:41

"and we will be bringing our dog”

Umm, no. You don’t tell your hosts that you’re bringing your dog you ask them if it’s ok. Rude.

Tell them that unfortunately the dog won’t be able to come with them to stay at yours. Your daughter being nervous of dogs is reason enough by itself- although all your other reasons are also perfectly legitimate.

ItsAllTheDramaMickIJustLoveIt · 09/03/2020 12:43

Just seen the x-post- that’s great! I’m sure your DD will get over her nervousness of dogs at some point as you say but having one to stay in her own home at this time really isn’t fair on her.

Windyatthebeach · 09/03/2020 12:52

Alternative accommodation - would that mean they would be figuring ddog into their daytime plans with you? You need to make sure they don't assume daytime visits with ddog are fine..
Dpuppy crap on a carpet is rank whatever time of day /night ime..

3rdNamechange · 09/03/2020 12:53

Where have people got the guests are coming for 2 weeks?
They're coming IN a fortnight for a long weekend.

AdobeWanKenobi · 09/03/2020 12:53

It’s just a puppy, would your daughter still be scared?

I know someone who's DD was petrified of dogs, no reason behind this at all, no bad experience but she was terrified.
The idiot parents decided that nobody could possibly be scared of a puppy and came home with a small breed, fluffy pup completely out of the blue and presented it to the child who was then about 7.

Child cried, screamed, wouldn't be in the same room as it. After 2 sleepless nights (from the child) they ended up returning the dog to the breeder and were most put out when the breeder wouldn't refund.

Dropping a strange dog in with a child who's nervous is a risky thing, puppy or not. Her phase might well pass on its own or it could make things a hell of a lot worse.
Pleased to see they are staying elsewhere OP.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 09/03/2020 12:57

Agreeing with other dog owners here. I never assume that I can bring our dog to someone's house, even for an afternoon. We've made arrangements with a couple of sets of dog-owning friends to help each other out during days/weekend away. If that doesn't work or it's a longer holiday, we found a lovely pet sitter who hosts at their home - our dog loves it there, it's his own holiday. Grin

Pets are the owner's responsibility and if they can't/won't make arrangements, the owners' will have to stay at home! Grin

agentnully · 09/03/2020 12:57

Ha. Staying somewhere else. What are they going to do with the puppy when they go out?

They sound like the perfect example of selfish people who want a cute puppy but are willing to dump it (on others or leave it alone) whenever it inconveniences them.

I'm a long-time dog owner and I would never have done this to a puppy or friends.

I'm willing to bet that they'll turn up at yours with the puppy even if they're not staying with you. As someone else said they'll use your daughter's anxiety as an excuse saying it'll be good for her to get used to dogs.

No, no, no! If they turn up with it don't let them in. Your home is your home and if you don't want a chewing, weeing puppy all over your new floors and jumping all over your daughter you can explain to them again that yours is a dog-free house.

If they're not willing to accept that they're not the kind of friends you need.

If you really can't cope with confrontation and they do turn up with puppy, just tell a porky and say your daughter has recently been tested and is allergic to dogs.

Sometimes I think people need training as much as dogs do. Bring back the dog licence I say.

dottiedodah · 09/03/2020 12:58

Well I love dogs ! but would not be happy about this .Puppies do have accidents ! Fact of life .Unless anyone can keep an eye on Fido 24 hours a day ,he may chew things as well .Can you not say to them maybe you could meet up somewhere near to both of you or visit them ? If they are friends they will understand .My dog never visits anyone and she is a fully grown Dal ,completely trained and not a chewer!

sugarbum · 09/03/2020 12:59

Glad to hear that they are looking at alternatives OP.

We had a similar situation with the inlaws before Christmas. We said we'd rather they not bring the dog (new house, nervous kids) It was only a day visit. They brought the dog anyway.

It was very, very awkward and DH hasn't spoken to them since.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 09/03/2020 13:02

@sugarbum

That would annoy me, Sugar. I can't understand why people assume that everyone will love their pet - it sometimes seems that we're allowed to openly say that we don't care for other people's children, but not their dogs. Grin

Twisique · 09/03/2020 13:02

They will want to bring it round to visit!

Dustarr73 · 09/03/2020 13:06

The only thing is they cant leave the dog where they are staying.So the dog will still be in your house.

Just make it clear the dog isnt welcome,otherwise i see them turning up with the dog and saying their accomodation fell through.

EdinaMonsoon · 09/03/2020 13:07

Even if they are choosing to stay close by they will still have the puppy with them during the time they spend with you. You cannot just leave a puppy unattended in rental accommodation, whether it's in a crate or not, and in fact many landlords stipulate in the t's & c's that dogs are not to be left unattended in the rental property, IME. So unless they are prepared to be so cruel by leaving the puppy alone regardless, or are intending to hire a dog sitter during their stay, it sounds like you still have a problem. It sounds like they possibly think that the issue is the puppy staying in your home overnight, rather than the puppy being in your home/around your DD at all. You need to clarify it with them OP.

DC3dilemma · 09/03/2020 13:08

Just say no.

A dog in your house for a long weekend will leave dog smells -all fine and well if you’ve actually chosen to have a dog, but you haven’t so why should you end up with that?

Why not just say, “we’re a pet-free home, do you want me to look into pet friendly B&Bs nearby?”

motherheroic · 09/03/2020 13:08

You have to tell them, not ask them.

motherheroic · 09/03/2020 13:09

Oh, cross post. Good for them and you.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 09/03/2020 13:10

And I wouldn’t be surprised if, with a day or two to go, they can’t find any dog friendly accommodation.