Sex and showers

[croissant2]

NC. Husband showers once a day, in the evening. He refuses to have sex with me after he's had a shower, because he doesn't want to get sweaty and dirty after showering. Apparently showering again is out of the question.

I don't want to have sex with him before he showers, because he wants foreplay and I don't fancy going 'down there' after he's been almost 24 hours without a shower. If I try and have sex with him after he's had a shower, he says I'm only doing it because he's clean now.

I shower morning and evening, and don't like foreplay on myself unless I've recently washed.

This all sounds so ridiculous but sex has become a rare occurrence because of this. Not sure if I'm being OCD and unreasonable or if he is?

I doubt if it's just about showering, are there deeper issues around sex. He could wash his willy without showering or you could have sex in the shower.

I would recommend having sex in the shower but DH and I did that whilst visiting relatives and the shower cubicle came off the wall.

Does he really smell that badly without a shower? Showering every 24 hours is quite normal isn’t it? Can’t you just do hand foreplay?

He is being unreasonable. He should shower in the morning then after sex in the evening.

You will get piled on on here for saying “ not sure if I am being OCD?”

Showers can take 1-2 mins... is there any kind of deeper issue? As in is he avoiding sex?

shame there's no super strong hand sanitizer around to improvise with

Don't think either of you are being unreasonable OP, I can see both sides.
The easiest solution might be for your DH to have a quick shower post sex, but can see why he may find that a chore.
There are ways around it, like the previous posters have mentioned, but perhaps you do need to have a chat about this and come to a mutual understanding.
Sex isn't always carefree and spontaneous, it can at times require planning and concerted effort from both parties to make it happen and make it fun.

And @DustyMaiden why on earth would have sex in your relatives shower? It's so bad mannered.

Women should use the toilet and shower or at least rinse very well after sex in order to avoid the risk of a UTI.

I know you didn't ask about that, but it's vaguely relevant!

I always prefer for men to wash their bits beforehand (especially if I’m going to be going down there).. it’s what I’d always do myself

Imo you have big problems..
If I told dh he was on a promise of a bj if he showered I wouldn't see him for dust..

It honestly sounds like he's making excuses not to have sex with you. Surely he hasn't always been like this?

I’m a bit like your husband but will shower after sex too. I think it’s important to have one before sex as you might not be the freshest down there?? Depends on the person I guess

YANBU

YANBU I would not want to have foreplay with someone who hadn't showered beforehand. Ew.

He sounds like he's making excuses.

There aren't a lot of men who turn sex down.............. if I give DH the nod, he's upstairs with his clothes off in a heartbeat.

Sorry

Women do not need to have a shower after sex to avoid UTI's - that is nonsense. I am in my mid 40's and have almost never shower after sex my entire adult life. I have one UTI, and that was because we we shagging loads and he was big. Sex is not dirty. Sure, clean genitals are sexier, but the underlying issue here seems to be that you both feel a bit disgusted by the acts and your bodies. Sadly, you have both picked this up in different ways from your upbringing, and it is qute hard to undo.

Whack a strap on (dirty), on, and see how he likes it.

Sorry for typo's - almost never had / I have had one UTI.

Some women are more susceptible to UTIs than others are. I always get a UTI if I don't wash before and after sex. It's annoying but something that has to be done.

Whack a strap on, on. Well that was unexpected. But incredibly amusing

I’m with you OP I wouldn’t go down there without him having showered and I wouldn’t let him if I hadn’t, we don’t always shower straight after though and will shower in the morning.

Honestly I personally wouldn't care about the showering thing, but it's more that he just doesn't seem to want sex? It seems like a bit of an excuse really, I can't imagine my husband turning down sex because he'd just had a shower! And if I said to him 'If you get in the shower we can have sex after' he'd be lathered up before I finished the sentence

Hmmm sorry but I'm with those who reckon he's avoiding sex OP. My DH would be in the shower faster than you can say blow job if sex was suggested.