To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

Not sure why there was food mushed into the sofa. Do you kids normally eat on the sofa? If not, then lay out the rules with your next babysitter.

Also, babysitting tends to be put kids to bed and sit there whilst they sleep watching Netflix or whatever. Daytime care care costs more than the standard night time babysitting as more effort is required.

I wouldn't use that babysitter again. And as she just walked out and didn't help I imagine that the atmosphere was a bit frosty so she probably won't want to come back anyway.

On a different note, I wouldn't want to come home from a very rare and lovely night out and want to put the kids to bed. It would dampen my mood somewhat.

I’m just wondering how tidying the toys away plus washing the plates (they couldn’t have used that many?) took two full hours to sort out.
Are your children extremely difficult to manage, op? If they have both their parents ground down to the point that they can’t go out at night because they can’t stay awake past 9pm, maybe it was simply too much for her?
Do they have additional needs? That’s not meant to be snarky, it all just sounds so extreme?

Id expect to come back to the house and find it they way I had left it

This^. Your babysitter was lazy.

@Cohle, 21p matters when minimum wage applies and particularly over prolonged periods of time. But in this case 21p extra an hour doesn’t seem to matter to the babysitter. If it did, she would have asked for more. And by extension I don’t think it makes a big difference in this case.

It’s cash in hand. Most likely no NI, no tax paid on it, a full £8 an hour net.

Maybe I’m wrong and the posters talking about minimum wage would have been appeased if OP had come on here and said she had agreed to pay £8.21 p/h but somehow I’m doubtful that they think paying the babysitter an extra pound overall would have been less exploitative in their view.

And for avoidance of doubt, I get that £1 extra might make a difference to some people but it clearly doesn’t here because the babysitter could have charged actual minimum wage (her discretion) if she needed to secure an extra £1.

Ultimately whether the babysitter charged £8 or £8.21 or £10 she shouldn’t have left the OP’s house in such a mess. Tidying up is not the same as cleaning.

OP the more I think about it, the more I think you shouldn’t use this babysitter again or have her take your children out. She seems to lack fundamental common sense and courtesy. You can’t teach attitude.

And if she’s thinking that she’s not paid enough to tidy things up, it’s her doing as she set her own rate.

You're getting such a hard time here.

Anyway, YANBU at all. She should have tidied up after the children and made sure the house was left the same way it was when she arrived. It's just common decency, surely?

I dog sit/dog walk and I would never leave my clients' home in a mess. I make sure the dogs are dried off and settled, I make sure they have water and I make sure all the dirty towels/leads etc. are tidied up and put away.

Some people have no respect for other people's homes at all.

21p matters when minimum wage applies

It does apply. The fact the the OP is also not paying NI or tax is not a point in her defence.
The shadow economy is a huge problem - www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2016/apr/01/middle-class-cash-in-hand-employers-unlikely-to-pay-minimum-wage.

OP paid shit money and got a shit service.

If it had been a teenager I might have said you should have been clearer but you engaged a childcare professional at an agreed rate. She is lazy and sounds like she sat on her phone/tv leaving them to ransack your house. Sorry it didn’t work out as sounds like you need a decent break. Hope the next sitter is more responsible.

MN has removed the OPs disgusting post of 12:18 and my response.

smellybeard (ugh) to be clear, the OP of a post not being agreed with does not make the replying people a ‘bag of bitches’, if you’d be happy exchanging your labour for poverty wages, cool, most of us want better for society.

I think YABU simply for having specific expectations that you didn’t bother to communicate to the babysitter and then getting aggrieved that she’s not a mind reader.

I hate it when people do this. What is my normal might not be yours and it’s wrong to get annoyed with someone for not automatically sharing your thought processes. In fact, I ditched a friend who was always doing this despite me pointing out that fallacy of her position.

In your shoes, I’d be very happy that the children had a good afternoon.

In future, you need to be clear about what you want her to do and what to feed the children. I would have provided the food/snacks rather than expected her to make a judgement.

You made assumptions based on what she does at work, WHEN SHE’S BEING MANAGED!

Actually @Electrical the tone of many of the posts does make the people posting them bitchy. There's no need for the horrible tone and the blame.

The OP has clearly stated how the £8 p/h came about and that she would have paid whatever the babysitter asked for. What more is to be said about that?

YABU- you got out , your children clearly had lots of fun and attention. I’d be happy.

Moving forward make sure the baby sitter knows that food is only allowed to be eaten at the kitchen table.
Having to make dinner and tidy up is a huge ask with a 2 & 5 year old.
Maybe you’re children were just so excited to have someone new and friendly in their home and went a bit crazy . I know my children get crazy when their favourite aunty comes, they play with everything and she indulges them. I don’t care about the mess - it’s easily tidied.
I’m quite jealous though if your children don’t normally ransack the place.
I think you should remember the point here - you and your hubby getting out for a night.

Sounds like at least one of your kids is old enough to understand "tidy up time" so I would have expected toys to go away as they were finished with.

I’d expect a bit tidier than that but I’d also expect to pay more than minimum wage tbh, particularly because this is childcare while they’re awake rather than evening babysitting when they’re in bed.

It doesn't matter what the OP paid her, the sitter agreed to the rate. Whether it was £5, £8, £20ph, the sitter said, "Yes. I'll do it."
Whether or not you agree with the OP's rate is a moot point. The sitter showed up for her job on the day and did it.
And it doesn't matter if OP paid her £5 per hour or £20, she's not the cleaner but equally, it's not ok to turn the house into a shipwreck and piss off. It's not on. She leaves the house in the state it was in when she arrived, bar a few unwashed dishes, the odd toy or strewn books here and there. Not perfection, but not a shithole either.

Charming use of gendered insults on International Women's Day SmellyBeard.

Why not discuss the issues rather than resort to personal attacks? You've rather lost the moral high ground.

£8 an hour for a qualified 30-year-old babysitter?!

I personally think the rate she charged you is irrelevant. She's clearly a pig who thinks it's ok for you to come home to a state when you left the house tidy.

I'd never use her again and be much clearer in expectations moving forward.

Your not being unreasonable. Basically its good manners to keep your house reasonably tidy and bits of food in the carpet and broken toys is simply rude. I would have been disgusted with her allowing your young children to do this and to not act appropriately. Its a shame as it ruined your time away!

The pay does matter. It matters that this type of work is valued so little that there's a race to the bottom for the lowest rate. Market forces are determining a very low rate of pay.

I'm surprised that there are no deleted message posts from MN.

£8 an hour for a qualified 30-year-old babysitter?!

That's the rate OP was charged!

@Cohle where's the personal attack? I was responding to a comment made to me?

And observing the general tone of people's comments is not an attempt to gain a moral high ground.

£8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles

Thats probably why. Pay her to £8 an hour on top to clean as well and maybe she could do two jobs at once.