To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

And say what you want about me but leave my children alone. They are both well behaved.

A bit of mess I wouldn't be worried about - this is every jigsaw, every piece of lego, every dressing up outfit covering every inch of the floor. I couldn't see the floor.

Well clearly your children are not very well behaved unless you think the babysitter chucked everything everywhere.

the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles)

Around 15 to 20 quid an hour here! thats if you can find one!

where's the personal attack?

You'll have to ask MNHQ to explain it to you SmellyBeard. They've deleted your post so I'm not going to quote it.

The idea that you were "observing the general tone" is laughable though.

I would have washed up and tidied up, just so that you came back to a nice house. I think you asked the wrong person to babysit!

*Babymamaroon” you made me lol, succinct and to the point!

I personally think the rate she charged you is irrelevant. She's clearly a pig who thinks it's ok for you to come home to a state when you left the house tidy

My post was deleted for the phrase I used which was aimed at no one in particular. I did not name check anyone - so not a personal attack.

Good effort though.

There's mess, and then there's a trashed house, and it sounds to me as though you came home to the latter, OP! I wouldn't be happy either.

OP, that's childcare, not baby sitting. Full on. You told her to give them cake (messy) and popcorn (messy) while watching a film (food mess in the living room) and to do crafts.

It's not ideal that the place was a tip, and you're right to be fed up with that, but you are the architect of some of your problems.

when I was looking last year (when we moved here) I was quoted as low as £3.50 an hour.

I think it's very unlikely that anyone would care for two children for £3.50 an hour.

I imagine this was a per-child quote from a childminder who would be childminding another two under fives and another two five to eight year olds and would therefore be earning up to £21 per hour while caring for the OP's children depending on the time of day.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect an experienced child carer to maintain a safe level of tidiness and avoid damage to property. At that rate though, I'd only expect the bare minimum, so dirty pots on the side in the kitchen or on the table, any spills wiped up and some of the toys put away.

I wonder if the hourly rate quoted for 'babysitting' was based on an assumption that it would be after the children were in bed and she didn't feel comfortable asking for more once she knew the children would be awake.

YANBU, you paid what she asked for. A toy out here or there is quite different to food mashed into the sofa.

If she'd said "sorry, kids were full of beans, I'll help tidy" and charged you for the 30 extra minutes this might take that'd be fair enough. To bugger off and leave you in it isn't on though.

Did she leave in a hurry? I wonder if the children were particularly 'spirited'? This would account for the mess.
I am a professional with DBS and paediatric first and emergency aid certificates. I do 'officially' charge £5 an hour for evening babysitting and have done for the last 10 years. Can't think of one family that actually pays me that though-they all pay more!
Daytime sitting is very different and £4 per child per hour is very reasonable (for you )

I would definitely assume the kids ran riot...

Downtrodden . Maybe next time you could ask her to do some washing, mow the lawn and make some meals for the freezer? Oh yeah, l forgot she’s the babysitter and not a slave. Her role is to care for the children and tidy up a few toys

For those PPs derailing the thread , I repeat NMW doesn't apply to self employed! HMGov sure makes that perfectly clear. Babysitter set her own rate, as many self employed people do.

Whatever else others might "insist on paying" or be charged is irrelevant. Babysitter as SE person chooses to pay her own NI and tax on that or not. (Bet she didn't.)
However it was inappropriate for babysitter to not supervise children she was babysitting to have left house that disgustingly trashed. And OP describes an extreme level. For those saying they think she should have paid for a cleaner as well at same time and should have expected that level of mess- just EWWWW!! As it makes rest of us worry about the state of your houses and children's behaviour under your supervision, that you'd think it was in any way expected or acceptable - most of us understand OP's concern to return home and see that. And worry just how little & negligent child supervision had gone on in their absence.

This x100

....the rate she charged you is irrelevant. She's clearly a pig who thinks it's ok for you to come home to a state when you left the house tidy.

Can't believe the hard time OP is getting on here. I also think 8 an hour is cheap - but that's not the point! Food in the sofa? Tous everywhere? No.

Don't use her again OP - it's worth it finding someone else. Just don't mention it again and you'll keep the good relationship at the nursery.

I'd be furious if my MIL did that and I don't even pay her to look after my ds!

A) the NMW provides a helpful guide to what the minimum appropriate amount to pay someone who whom you are entrusting your child may be. Eight pounds an hour is certainly not "steep" as the OP claimed.

B) the question of whether someone is self employed or a worker is complex and NMW may very well apply in these circumstances. HMRC generally take a dim view of childcare workers operating out of the parent's home being regarded as self-employed.

C) it's unreasonable to pay bargain basement prices and expect a top quality service.

it's unreasonable to pay bargain basement prices and expect a top quality service

Agreed.

I wouldn’t class expecting plates to be in the kitchen not shoved under a sofa. That’s fairly minimal expectation of anyone unless one’s standards are very low!

OMG there are so many twats on this thread. As if you're looking for any excuse to pile on an OP, pick at them, derail their thread and chase them off the site.

@Idontfeellikeagrownup you haven't done anything wrong and of course you didn't expect to come home to pigsty. I used to babysit as a teen (for family for free) and it's common sense to supervise young children and not let them trash the place.
And of course you and you partner are exhausted with 2 young children and no family support, I'm constantly tired (and I only have 1 child).
Don't let the idiots chase you and put you off posting, you have every right to use the site.

Yanbu op. Your getting slated but minimum wage doesn't apply for this sort of stuff. She's providing a service. And she's not providing a very safe service if she allows a 2 year old to trash the house. It's dangerous to have stuff everywhere. And it's slovenly.

I think op is getting a rough time because she thought a rate below minimum wage was steep, not simply because the rate was below minimum wage.

Clearly the service was not to the required standard, so she will not be using it again.

But I pay my cleaner much more than this, and I am not entrusting her with the safety of two children.

Or have a super neat house and children not entertained

I don’t think £8 an hour is “steep”I babysat for families when I worked at a nursery I used to get £10 an hour, and that was a few years ago. You should except to pay more for a qualified professional. However in that situation I would have tidied the mess up if I was babysitting, wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving a tip.

When I was babysitting I made sure to leave the house as tidy as I found it.