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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? "Dinner will be ready between ... "

165 replies

Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:10

Me and DS are staying at my parents house while we have some work done to our house. DP is staying at home to oversee the work. Houses are 10 mins apart. I was making curry for dinner tonight at my parents and DP was coming. He asked this afternoon what time was dinner at. I said "between 5 and 5.30pm ... 5.30pm at the latest as my mum needs to leave at 7pm to be somewhere". Dinner was ready at 5.15pm. DP showed up at 5.25pm.

Was I being unreasonable expecting him to be here for 5pm?

OP posts:
SquigglePigs · 08/03/2020 15:55

I think it's 50/50 - I'd have said what you did and meant what you did but I can understand why he didn't think it was a big deal so think "mildly irritated" is fair enough but it's basically a note to be clearer next time.

Betterversionofme · 08/03/2020 16:13

Be here at 5. That's what I would say. I don't personally know a human being that can consistently serve dinner at exact previously determined time. It's given people will have to wait.
Between 5 and 5:30 means turn up any time between 5 and 5:30 and you will be served whenever you will arrive.

LolaSmiles · 08/03/2020 16:51

I think seeing it written down with time to analyse every word the OP was quite right.

But on the phone, quickly, if I asked what time for dinner and was told 5.00 to 5.30 I think there's a decent chance I'd interpret that as the range of acceptable arrival times, not the serving up time
This is quite true.

If someone says they'll see me at 5pm then that's when I'll be there. If someone says 5-530 then I'll arrive somewhere between 5 and 5.30

Ruby8719 · 08/03/2020 16:53

This is awful - if this is the peak of your marital problems then I’ll sure you’ll be fine.

My partner would laugh me out of the house if he knew I posted this.

Poor guy.

BlueJava · 08/03/2020 16:59

YABU but I don't see the problem anyway - you finished cooking at 5:15pm, he was there at 5:25pm. Either he had it slightly cold or reheated it no harm done. However you did say between 5 and 5:30 - which is when he arrived.

RandomLondoner · 08/03/2020 17:08

But if someone had told me "anytime between 5 and 5.30" I would assume that 5.25 is acceptable. Late would be anytime after 5.30, surely

It's a question of whether the times are for (a) when dinner is ready, or (b) when you need to arrive. You'd be right if the OP had said (b), but the OP clearly said (a) so you'd be in the wrong.

adaline · 08/03/2020 17:30

It's a question of whether the times are for (a) when dinner is ready, or (b) when you need to arrive. You'd be right if the OP had said (b), but the OP clearly said (a) so you'd be in the wrong.

But he asked her if he had to be there by 5pm and she said no.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2020 17:47

Between 5 and 5. 30 means be there by 5 but we might not eat immediately. If you know dinner might be ready for 5 why would you walk in at 5.25 expecting a hot meal and everyone waiting for you?

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2020 19:29

Between 5 and 5. 30 means be there by 5

Not in my world. It means exactly what it says on the tin, between five and five thirty. If the person means be there for five they should say so. No ones telepathic.

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/03/2020 19:38

It doesn’t in op’s world either, since her dh specially said “so, 5 then?” and op said no 🤷🏻‍♀️

Newkitchen123 · 08/03/2020 19:46

I'm stunned that there's 120odd replies on what time someone came home for dinner

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2020 22:19

Not in my world. but if you know food could be served any time from 5 would you not want to be there?

Original poster
Moo31 · 08/03/2020 22:28

@Newkitchen123 so am I! I was only expecting a couple of votes. Anyway I have accepted I was unreasonable to not be clearer at what time he was expected to arrive at.

Thanks to those who have appreciated where I was coming from. He asked what time dinner would be at, not what time to arrive at. Therefore he was told what time dinner would be ready at and I expected that he would arrive before/at the start of that window. If he had asked what time he should arrive at I would have said 5pm or before. But he didn't.

I'm taken aback at some of the rude replies - I appreciate that it's trivial but so are most of the aibu threads are they not?. But then this IS mumsnet so what did I expect!

OP posts:
Lou670 · 09/03/2020 00:37

Ok. Sorry, just having a bad day today. No harm meant.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 09/03/2020 00:48

You thought this was worthy of a thread?

Cohle · 09/03/2020 01:07

No you're right, only incredibly minor annoyances about parking or mothers in law are worthy of the honour of an AIBU thread. Hmm

1066vegan · 09/03/2020 02:06

Seems a bit odd that posters take the time to write that a thread is too trivial to have been started or to have so many posts.

They seem to be missing the irony in what they are doing.

Commonwasher · 09/03/2020 17:34

Surely a sane person would just ask him to be there for 5?

Then he has time to wash his hands for the allotted 30 seconds.

Thesuzle · 09/03/2020 17:45

This brings back memories of my dinner party days, I would say 7.30pm for 8 which means to me, arrive close to 7,30pm. Time for a drink we eat at 8pm. Very few got it right

PinkSqidgyPig · 09/03/2020 17:52

When I say that I will be ready to serve at 5.30.
If someone said it to me I would ask 'nearer 5 or nearer 5.30 and arrive accordingly.
If I said that to my husband he would arrive for 5.45/6 and then 'need to' spend 30 minutes in the bathroom!
Obviously I've learned to say 4.30 when I mean 5.30, then we're all good 😊

Sleeplikeababy · 09/03/2020 18:37

This thread has taught me a good lesson! I'm with you OP, I'd have expected him home by 5 as it could have been ready at 5, so I might have been sat waiting for him for 25 mins keeping dinner warm but not overcooked. But, so many people disagree, as is their right to, so clearly if I had the same situation in future I'd need to be more specific as we don't all think alike! Smile

Rachel1874 · 09/03/2020 19:03

If you wanted him there at 5, you tell him 5...

RandomLondoner · 09/03/2020 19:16

If the person means be there for five they should say so.

The person wasn't saying what time to be there, they were saying what time dinner would be ready. If you agree that it's implied that the person needs to be there when dinner is ready, that means they need to be there the earliest time it could be ready. Which is 5pm.

I don't know why so many are struggling to understand the difference.

The point of giving a range of times is that the person knows they might have to wait for dinner after they arrive. The extra information is useful in managing expectations, even though it has no relevance to arrival time.

jackparlabane · 09/03/2020 19:18

I'd think it meant rock up any time, but people may have eaten already if you turn up after 5.15 or so, so you don't get to complain that you have to reheat your portion.

But then it's rare in our house for everyone to eat together. I'm so glad the microwave was invented.

RandomLondoner · 09/03/2020 19:46

If he'd asked what time he had to be there, she would have said 5pm. As he asked what time dinner would be ready, she gave that information, which is not the same thing. If she'd replied 5pm in response to the question as to what time dinner would be, that would not have been an accurate answer.

The people saying she should have said 5pm are in fact saying she should be so patronising as to answer the question she believed he really meant to ask, rather than the one he did ask. If she was wrong about why he was asking, he would then have been rightfully

annoyed.

(There have been whole threads on the subject of annoying people who answer what they think you want to know, rather than listening to your actual words and giving you what you wanted.)

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