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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? "Dinner will be ready between ... "

165 replies

Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:10

Me and DS are staying at my parents house while we have some work done to our house. DP is staying at home to oversee the work. Houses are 10 mins apart. I was making curry for dinner tonight at my parents and DP was coming. He asked this afternoon what time was dinner at. I said "between 5 and 5.30pm ... 5.30pm at the latest as my mum needs to leave at 7pm to be somewhere". Dinner was ready at 5.15pm. DP showed up at 5.25pm.

Was I being unreasonable expecting him to be here for 5pm?

OP posts:
daisypond · 08/03/2020 08:00

Why give him 30 minutes grace, if what she actually meant was - 'be here at 5'
She didn’t give him 30 minutes’ grace. I can’t see how you think that. She told him what times the meal would be ready between. He had to be there at 5, ready to eat.

burritofan · 08/03/2020 08:02

I think eating dinner - especially a curry - at 5pm is the most unreasonable part of it all tbh....
Thank you for saying this! 5pm is toddler tea time, not curry o'clock.

ellenpartridge · 08/03/2020 08:09

Yanbu, it's clear he should have been there by 5pm. However I agree it's unreasonable to be eating curry at 5pm!!

chatterbugmegastar · 08/03/2020 08:10

This is a stupid and unkind thing to say to a complete stranger on the basis of a single disagreement about what a sentence means

Yes - you're right. My apologies. I simply don't understand this thread. To me the OP seems so controlling and dictatorial. I'll bow out now as I can see I am being unreasonable.

LolaSmiles · 08/03/2020 08:23

Is there a confusion between “arrive by” and “meal ready by”? These do not mean the same.
I agree.
If someone says "what time's lunch/dinner?" then I would reply with a window or time to arrive, not be speaking about the time the meal is placed on the table.

The OP said between 5 and 5.30, but 5.30 at the latest because her mum is going out. I'd take that as 'get here no later than 5.30 because we're eating before mum goes out', not "the meal will be placed on the table any time between 5-5.30 and so you should be here suitably before 5 in case it's served at 5".

This sounds like a communication misunderstanding.

fizzandchips · 08/03/2020 08:24

DH - Are we eating with your parents at 5, as normal
OP - That’s the plan, but I’m making that new curry so it could be a bit later as I’m not sure how long it needs. But, yes, see you at 5.
Such a simple explanation with no ambiguity or scope for interpretation meaning the plan is to eat at 5, but you’ve alerted everyone that as it’s a new dish it will be served when it’s ready so might not be on the table ready to eat at 5 on the dot.

Eckhart · 08/03/2020 08:25

If someone took the effort to make my dinner and it'd be ready by 5 at the earliest, I'd be making sure I was there before 5 to help lay the table/open the wine etc, just out of respect.

Also, selfishly, I wouldn't want to arrive to a lukewarm dinner that had been served 25 minutes ago, and start eating it while everyone else had finished.

butterpuffed · 08/03/2020 08:28

If I was in a different house to the person making the meal and they said to me that dinner would be ready between two times than I'd take it that as an indication and that they'd call/text when it was actually ready.

Bluntness100 · 08/03/2020 08:32

Blimey op you’re even trying to argue you’re not being petty and a small minority of folks are with you.

Really all this for ten mins.

Zaphodsotherhead · 08/03/2020 08:34

It was curry. not a souffle.

Just bung his on a plate and let him eat when he gets in. YABU, sorry.

daisypond · 08/03/2020 08:35

If someone says "what time's lunch/dinner?" then I would reply with a window or time to arrive, not be speaking about the time the meal is placed on the table.
I would think exactly the opposite. “What time is dinner?” It means the time the meal is placed on the table. Definitely not the time to arrive.

Ginfordinner · 08/03/2020 08:35

Speaking as a person who really struggles with punctuality

Why?

I can't eat that early, unless I have had no lunch. How does anyone build up an appetite in only 4 hours? I would have plated up food for the mum, and reheated the rest to eat later.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/03/2020 08:38

Depends on your family's habitual level of formality. Do you always sit down together to be served dinner and wait for latecomers before serving? Or can people join in a little later?

lottiegarbanzo · 08/03/2020 08:45

I read what you wrote in your OP as giving him the choice and saying that the meal would be be served on his arrival. He was therefore there in time.

If you meant it could be ready to serve at any point after five - and must be served the moment it was ready - you should have said so. that is, 'Be here at five'.

I do agree that five is toddler tea time and an odd time to be inviting people to leave work / overseeing others' work for.

pilates · 08/03/2020 08:48

YABU

Firstimer703 · 08/03/2020 08:50

I'm with you, I'd expect him to be there at 5 but reading the other posts made me think that maybe he thought you meant for him to arrive 5-5.30 so perhaps it's a misunderstanding!

adaline · 08/03/2020 08:51

@GiveHerHellFromUs what are you on about?

This wasn't an appointment with a professional - it was going round to his in-laws for dinner. If you want someone there for 5pm then that's what you tell them!

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 08/03/2020 08:55

Honestly this is too sad a debate Grin

Who cares, he could just heat it up or you could have waited

Or did the curry have to be eaten at the exact moment it was ready Confused

daisypond · 08/03/2020 08:56

I find it quite interesting, from a sociolinguistic point of view!

Oysterbabe · 08/03/2020 08:57

5pm is toddler tea time, not curry o'clock.

Absolutely. I'd be ready for another meal before bedtime if I ate that early.

category12 · 08/03/2020 09:00

Giving a window like that sounds casual and like you're happy to hold on until he gets there during that window, not like it's actually you expect him to psychically know the exact moment you want to serve up.

Ginfordinner · 08/03/2020 09:03

5pm is toddler tea time, not curry o'clock.

I love it Grin

We had curry last night. Had a glass of wine then ate at about 7.30.

LolaSmiles · 08/03/2020 09:19

Daisypond
It's really interesting, isn't it.

I suppose it depends on how arrangements are usually phrased.

To me if someone wants people to arrive at a specific time then you'd just tell them the time.

So for me if the OP was planning to eat dinner at 5 then when asked if dinner was at 5 as usual then the response is 'yes' if she wants him there by 5.

adaline · 08/03/2020 09:33

I find it quite interesting, from a sociolinguistic point of view!

For me, if you want someone there by five, then that's what you tell them. Don't give someone a window of time to arrive in unless you're happy for them to arrive during the latest part of that window.

SuburbanFraggle · 08/03/2020 09:38

People need to communicate clearly.
I want you here at X time

Rather than 'these are my plans, now guess what I want and see if I get annoyed or not.

I want you here at X time allows the other person to then say, sometimes traffic is heavy, so I will leave at y and that should get me there between -time range- ? Is that ok or do you want me to leave half an hour earlier which means I will definitely make the time you said, but I could be half an hour early.