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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? "Dinner will be ready between ... "

165 replies

Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:10

Me and DS are staying at my parents house while we have some work done to our house. DP is staying at home to oversee the work. Houses are 10 mins apart. I was making curry for dinner tonight at my parents and DP was coming. He asked this afternoon what time was dinner at. I said "between 5 and 5.30pm ... 5.30pm at the latest as my mum needs to leave at 7pm to be somewhere". Dinner was ready at 5.15pm. DP showed up at 5.25pm.

Was I being unreasonable expecting him to be here for 5pm?

OP posts:
Original poster
Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:42

@Rosebyanothername19 you have it spot on - thank you.

@hopoindown31 I said dinner would be ready by 5.30 at the latest not be here by 5.30 at the latest

OP posts:
BackforGood · 07/03/2020 23:44

The thing is, a curry doesn't have to come off the hob the second it could - it's one of those meals that you can easily leave on a low heat for a bit long or that very easily goes in the microwave for a bit of a heat through if the rest of you needed to start.

It would be annoying to leave what I was doing to get there for 5 if it might not be ready until 1/2 past, if I had been doing something I could have finished off in those extra 20 - 30 mins.

SeriouslyRetro · 07/03/2020 23:44

Was he popping back for his tea in between working at the house or was he coming for a formal social event??

Rosebyanothername19 · 07/03/2020 23:45

@Moo31 you're welcome! Smile

Original poster
Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:45

@Samtsirch I did say it was lighthearted!

@hopoindown31 he said himself he was just pottering around our house and could have been here earlier. If something had held him up obviously that would have been different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:53

@seriouslyretro he isn't doing the work, we have had builders in this week and they are back next week to finish off (they are not working over the weekend). He has been staying in the house and working from home so he could answer questions from builders / plumber / tiler / electrician all week. He was golfing this morning and then in our house this afternoon. I wouldn't say it was a formal social event as such but he hasn't seen much of us this week so it was a prearranged dinner for all of us together.

OP posts:
daisypond · 07/03/2020 23:53

Well, I think OP is right. Dinner ready between 5 and 5:30 means he should have been there by 5 at the latest, so he would be there when it was finally ready. It’s not on for him to rock up after 5 at all. Dinner might have been ready at 5.

Samtsirch · 07/03/2020 23:53

Moo31
Sorry my post was intended as lighthearted too !
😊

Original poster
Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:55

@Samtsirch oops! Blush

OP posts:
AliMonkey · 07/03/2020 23:57

YANBU - he needed to be there by 5 but you were warning him it might not be ready straight away. Would definitely have annoyed me. Like when I let everyone know tea will be in 5 mins then I shout 5 mins later that I’m dishing up. DC turn up, we are often sat at table started eating when DH turns up. It’s so rude when I’ve been cooking and sets a bad example for the kids.

LovePoppy · 08/03/2020 00:41

You should have told him to arrive by 5 if that’s what you wanted.

Lynda07 · 08/03/2020 00:41

You said 5.30 at the latest and he arrived at 5.25 so what's the problem?

Lynda07 · 08/03/2020 00:43

Anyway, so what? It's hardly a hanging offence - and he wasn't late.

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/03/2020 00:46

I don’t get the “if you’re given a time frame you get there at the earliest time”? I understand it as it’s irrelevant what time you arrive as long as it’s within the stated time frame.

That is literally what it means.
Why give a time frame at all, otherwise?

daisypond · 08/03/2020 05:37

@Thisismytimetoshine
Because it means you are being told you may have to wait a short while for the meal, as the cook doesn’t know exactly what time it will be ready. You have to turn up at 5, as it may be ready at 5. It’s rude and entitled to turn up later, expecting the meal to be mysteriously ready on your arrival time when the cook has already told you they don’t precisely know.

squeekums · 08/03/2020 05:55

You gave a window of time
He arrived in that window of time
I don't get the issue
If you want 5pm say 5pm

JudyCoolibar · 08/03/2020 06:08

If he was only 10 minutes away, it would have made sense to call him when you were in the final stages of cooking.

chatterbugmegastar · 08/03/2020 06:11

Perhaps relevant (or maybe not) is that dinner at my parents is always ready for 5pm.

But you said 5 - 5.30

Why are you changing the goalposts now?

And dinner WASNT ready for 5pm , was it? It was ready for 5.15

Your poor DP. I'm glad I'm not in a relationship with you

bamboo0 · 08/03/2020 06:12

I would of arrived about 5 but yes I can see why your DP wouldn't.

BertieBotts · 08/03/2020 06:26

It's not very good communication, is it?

I would also have assumed you meant "Be here before 5.30"

OK, what time is dinner ready and what time should I arrive ARE two different questions, but you can't assume that he would ask one and infer the answer to the other. You should have realised that when he was asking what time dinner was ready, that wasn't actually the bit of relevant information he needed, and he really wanted to know what time to be there.

I suppose also there's an argument he should have asked the right question. But speech is a bit like this, we use proxies all the time for what we actually mean. If you go around answering people's questions literally all the time, you'll never get anywhere. It works better to try and work out what they are actually asking and communicate that.

sashh · 08/03/2020 06:33

@hopoindown31 I said dinner would be ready by 5.30 at the latest not be here by 5.30 at the latest

That's the problem, you said dinner would be ready, he heard 'be here between 5 and 5.30.

I have a close friend who needs explicit instructions.

He once offered to peel some potatoes for me.

He did just that, he peeled the potatoes and left the potatoes (unwashed) and a pile of peelings on the work top.

If someone asks me to 'put the kettle on' I know they want a cup of tea, my friend would fill the kettle and switch it on then forget about it.

I'd say, "we are leaving at 7pm", I mean,"at 7pm I will be walking out the door in my coat" he would wait until 7 and then start to get ready.

It sounds like you (both of you) need to communicate better.

MsMD · 08/03/2020 06:33

YANBU. Surely as a grown up if you are told dinner could he ready by 5 you make sure you are there by 5?

Obviouspretzel · 08/03/2020 06:57

Oh my god this thread is so annoying.

He didn't ask when to get there. He didn't ask for a window of time in which to arrive in. He asked what time was dinner at.

OP said between five and five thirty.

Better get there for five then hadn't you, in case it's five! Of course he should have got there for five.

daisypond · 08/03/2020 07:00

It seems blindingly obvious to me too, Obvious. I can’t see why most posters seem to think the opposite!

differentnameforthis · 08/03/2020 07:01

Then why didn't you say 5pm?

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