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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? "Dinner will be ready between ... "

165 replies

Moo31 · 07/03/2020 23:10

Me and DS are staying at my parents house while we have some work done to our house. DP is staying at home to oversee the work. Houses are 10 mins apart. I was making curry for dinner tonight at my parents and DP was coming. He asked this afternoon what time was dinner at. I said "between 5 and 5.30pm ... 5.30pm at the latest as my mum needs to leave at 7pm to be somewhere". Dinner was ready at 5.15pm. DP showed up at 5.25pm.

Was I being unreasonable expecting him to be here for 5pm?

OP posts:
daisypond · 08/03/2020 09:39

Don't give someone a window of time to arrive in
To me, they didn’t give them a window of time to arrive in. The window of time is the time the meal would be ready in, completely unrelated to the arrival time.

It’s like the blue/gold dress thing - hard to conceive that people can see it a different and opposite way! DH and I are both linguists and also see it differently.

BossAssBitch · 08/03/2020 09:43

Curry always better the next day

Sparticuscaticus · 08/03/2020 09:53

Ah lesson learnt OP. My DC always go for this loophole too wherever possible and add on 15 mins as then and only then do they decide to finish a game (another 10 mins), pack up, go to toilet or wash hands..! All delaying when I meant be sat at table
Ready to eat at the latest!!

Just say 'I want you back ready for dinner by 5pm' next time. DH can then help lay table and dish up next time if it's still cooking last bits. He doesn't need to turn up like a guest at a restaurant to be waited on with dinner magically on the table!! And being 5-10 mins late is like showing up at the theatre after show has started because it started. You get there early and settled.

Ps this is light hearted too!

Runnerduck34 · 08/03/2020 10:05

So he was home within the time frame you specified, whats the problem? Yabu

adaline · 08/03/2020 10:05

Yeah that's fair enough @daisypond.

justmyview · 08/03/2020 10:11

If dinner was to be served between 5pm and 5.30pm, then he should have been home by 5pm

Lou670 · 08/03/2020 10:26

I just wish my problems in life were as small as this!

Recovering from a house fire and operation after operation with third degree burns. Dog died. Daughter pulling out of her nursing degree in the final year. Marriage breakdown. Death of a parent.

Not feeling sorry for myself nor wanting pity, just highlighting or rather trying to put things in to perspective.

I seriously could not get my knickers in a twist over something so trivial! It was curry. I would have eaten when ever it was ready and then reheated and boiled some more rice for the husband. No biggie, really.

YouForgetYourself · 08/03/2020 10:40

Adults eat dinner at 5pm?

Obviouspretzel · 08/03/2020 10:44

Why does everyone always get snippy about people who eat dinner earlier? It doesn't make you superior to eat it later.

I also prefer it later but if for some reason the person I am eating with wants it earlier then I will still eat it then. Or maybe this person is up at five for a six shift and is hungry earlier than most?

EarlGreyT · 08/03/2020 10:58

So he was home within the time frame you specified, whats the problem? Yabu

Because the question was what time dinner would be, not what time he should arrive home. If you’re told dinner will be ready between 5 and 5.30 then you should be home earlier than 5 since the meal may be ready then.

I feel like I’m reading a different OP to most of the posters on here. OP YANBU

topcat2014 · 08/03/2020 11:33

Why give a window for a meal to be ready? If it had been ready at 5 it would be cold by 530. just give a fixed time. If you over run at least everyone is there

DesLynamsMoustache · 08/03/2020 11:38

This thread explains all the people who pitch up late to everything Grin

goodwinter · 08/03/2020 12:06

@daisypond interesting - I also have a linguistics background and read the same way as you, i.e. "dinner will be served anytime from 5-5:30, so be there from 5".

Original poster
Moo31 · 08/03/2020 13:21

@Lou670 I am really sorry for all you are going through. However I did say this was lighthearted. He knows about aibu and I said right to settle this I'm going to put it on mumsnet and see what others think - he laughed and said ok let's see.

To the pp who said I am controlling I really am not. I think it bothered me more as it was at my parents - at home I don't think it would have mattered as it would have just been us. When I say bothered I mean mildly irritated not end of the world / LTB type annoyance!

To those posters saying that 5pm is too early - I agree! Dinner is normally 6pm (at the earliest - subject to interpretation!) at OUR house. Mum and dad have been flexible this week with dinner being later to accommodate me getting home from work so I wanted to be earlier for them since no one here works at the weekend (and also as mum was going out).

We have a table booked for dinner for 5pm tonight so we'll see what time he turns up at - maybe 5.30 as that's likely to be the time the restaurant will have dinner ready! Grin

OP posts:
Sypha · 08/03/2020 13:27

For a lighthearted disagreement, some people are pretty snarky.

OP, I don't have a linguistic background but yep, I thought you were perfectly clear.

And curry is fine any time of day.

nosleepp · 08/03/2020 13:30

I think Yabu

Scarlettpixie · 08/03/2020 13:30

Yanbu. You said it would be ready between 5 and 5.30 so obviously he needed to be there at 5! I don’t understand why everyone seems to think turning up at 5.25 is ok! It could have been ready at 5. You were just giving yourself a bit of wiggle room.

One way around this would be for one of you to phone the other a bit nearer to it bring ready if he didn’t want to be hanging about and is only 10 mins away.

Original poster
Moo31 · 08/03/2020 13:35

To the pps with the parcel delivery and gas man analogies - yes! Grin

To those of you saying it's a communications issue and I wasn't clear enough - 100% I will be clearer next time!

Someone up thread said I should have called him when it was ready - he is 10 mins away (with no traffic) so it wouldn't have made any difference to the time he got here.

OP posts:
LargeGinOnTap · 08/03/2020 14:33

I'm going against the grain and saying yanbu but only slightly. 5.25 I'd have been getting tetchy because arriving at 5.25 by the time you've arrived home you've faffed around got changed been to the loo etc it would be gone 5:30

adaline · 08/03/2020 14:35

This thread explains all the people who pitch up late to everything

To be fair, I'm never actually late for anything.

But if someone had told me "anytime between 5 and 5.30" I would assume that 5.25 is acceptable. Late would be anytime after 5.30, surely?

At the end of the day, if dinner is going to be ready within a half hour time slot, then you ask people to arrive before that time slot begins.

PawPawNoodle · 08/03/2020 14:38

I'd have just text him when I was putting the rice on to let him know he had about 15 mins to get there. Setting a window of time with Mr. Noodle would guarantee him getting there for the last possible second.

Cohle · 08/03/2020 14:42

I think seeing it written down with time to analyse every word the OP was quite right.

But on the phone, quickly, if I asked what time for dinner and was told 5.00 to 5.30 I think there's a decent chance I'd interpret that as the range of acceptable arrival times, not the serving up time.

DamnItsSevenAM · 08/03/2020 14:56

I'm with you, OP. If you'd had said dinner would be at 5 then he would have expected it to be ready at 5. 5.15 would have seemed like you were running late. Dinner between 5 and 5.30 means "be here at 5 but it might not be served until 5.30."

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 08/03/2020 15:49

YANBU OP, you said that the meal would be ready between those times, so he should have been back for 5pm as it could have been ready then.

Thisismytimetoshine · 08/03/2020 15:52

Maybe, for the sake of clarity and everyone’s blood pressure, you should just give people a time they’re expected at.
I’m sure they’d prefer to wait a short time for dinner than listen to a world of grief about what you really meant.

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