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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF Food Taker

342 replies

Daisyhut · 07/03/2020 15:02

I am probably being unreasonable but this is really starting to bug me. I have a lovely friend who is nice and kind. However, every time that we go out to lunch she helps herself to my food and to my children's food.

We lunch about twice a week and she always orders a small dish or side plate for herself. She says that she is not hungry. I will order food for me and my three Dc (all under 4).

When the food comes she always just digs into our food. On Thursday she ate most of my kids chips, carrot sticks and guacamole. She also ate several of my Haloumi fries. She did not do it absentmindedly. She heard me order for the kids and said "I cant wait to try the guacamole". I always order extra for the kids when we are with her so that they get enough to eat.

I am 100% sure that she has no financial issues and she is not dieting. Apart from this flaw she is lovely. I would never take her food so it is not something she has seen me do. If I mention it to her she may be offended.

YABU: Don't say anything it is just food.
YANBU: Mention it and risk upsetting her

OP posts:
fibeee · 07/03/2020 17:20

Who eats little children’s food on them?! So weird! YANBU I would definitely say something to her.

Roselilly36 · 07/03/2020 17:20

CF of the highest order

thenightsky · 07/03/2020 17:21

She's lucky your DC are so calm about it. My two would have burst into tears and hurled themselves to the floor in full drama mode if someone touched their food Grin

WalkingDeadTrainee · 07/03/2020 17:21

You don't need to come up with any excuse Confused
Just simply tell her, like an adult to adult, that you would appreciate if she stopped eating your and your DC's food because it is more expensive for you or there isn't enough left.

Why do so many adults treat normal life situations like if they were countries and saying something could start actual WW3...

Quicklittlenamechange · 07/03/2020 17:22

@Daisyhut
Its non confrontational and gives you the opportunity when she says no, why?
Pmed you btw

Roussette · 07/03/2020 17:22

It's such an appalling bad lesson for your kids. That should be enough

FrenchBoule · 07/03/2020 17:28

OP, your “friend” is neither nice or kind.
Nobody helps themselves to somebody else’s food, it’s basic manners.
Your “friend” is tight like a gnat’s arse.
I can’t believe she’s not only taking your kids food but you don’t say anything to her?
Either stop meeting up with her in eating places or tell her straight “stop taking my kids food, order more for yourself if you’re so hungry”.No excuses.

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 17:29

Daisyhut Sat 07-Mar-20 16:16:41
I am quite surprised by the amount of people suggesting that I stab my friend with a fork. Assaulting her is not an option I am willing to consider.
.........
I think that was meant as a joke, Daisyhut :-).

Seriously, you either tell her gently but firmly, make sure your children are not seated near enough for her to pounce or buy a big sharing plate.

Wereallsquare · 07/03/2020 17:29

Oh, I just realised when the lightbulb went off for me with my "friend". When she called me in a real huff complaining about a night out with some friends. They had tried to pull on her what she did every time she went out. You better believe she called them out on it and was still stroppy when complaining to me the next day. These CFs will not put up with it themselves! Everyone is a doormat, they are the boots.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2020 17:30

I think she thought calories didn’t count if she didn’t order. She would walk away and say she didn’t have dinner. It was very odd.

For example taking half of one mans steak. She literally cut it in half and took it onto a side plate, then took chips and veg from everyone else, she ate more than most. After she said I didn’t have any dinner, I was really good.

It was every time we went out. She’s stopped it now.but we did a few years of it. No one wanted to sit next to her.

AlanRickmanFanClub · 07/03/2020 17:32

You're getting antsy because you don't like to be told that you're a wimp and I'm really not sure why you bothered to post if you're not going to do anything about it. Complete waste of time.

Peanutbutteryogurt · 07/03/2020 17:32

*I know you’re saying it’s not financial, but how can you actually know?

She could have a financially abusive partner, she could have lots of debt. Or more likely than not, she’s comfortably off but doesn’t consider ‘eating out’ to be a worthwhile expense. So she gets you to fund it for her.

The packed lunch makes me think it’s a about her attitude to finances*

None of this excuses her behaviour anyway! You wouldn't go out for lunch if you couldn't afford it full stop. I might offer to pay for a friend if we were catching up and she was low on funds, but this is a once or twice weekly occurrence.

YorkshirePud1 · 07/03/2020 17:33

I think the best idea anyone's suggested so far is saying that you're trying to teach the children table manners and that it's rude to take food off someone else's plate. I'm not confrontational either so would probably try and find a tactful way of dealing with it - not everyone can just say it how it is and not worry about upsetting the other person.

katy1213 · 07/03/2020 17:35

Are you really such a drip you can't say, 'Leave that. It's for the children?'
And do you really want other people dipping into their food during the Coronavirus outbreak? I'm not panicking, but I wouldn't tolerate that.

Derbee · 07/03/2020 17:36

I think it’s a bad idea to say you’re trying to teach the children table manners. They will hear you, and they haven’t even done anything wrong! It’s not them that is taking food from other people’s plates

HaddawayAndShite · 07/03/2020 17:37

Honestly I wouldn’t tell her it’s about teaching the kids manners or worms or anything else but the truth. She needs to be told her behaviour is not ok and you won’t tolerate it any longer. Yes it will be awkward and not a nice conversation but CF like this do it because they’re allowed to. Worms don’t last forever and lessons don’t either, she could just easily go back to her old ways.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/03/2020 17:38

Daisyhut, do you just like talking about food and eating? You don't need to come up with a story to do that, most MNers adore talking about food/eating.

If this isn't a problem then why ask? I think you're being a bit unfair to Grumplestiltskin actually, quite a few posters have been exasperated with you on the thread because you're so laid back about something you presented as an issue. Confused

Roussette · 07/03/2020 17:39

I just can't understand why you haven't said something. You have lunch with her twice a week?

If someone said, can I try a tiny bit of your halloumi fry, I've never tried it before, I would cut off a tiny bit and offer it. That is as much as I would do.

To order extra to cope with this situation is Shock

She isn't nice. She is very rude.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2020 17:39

They will hear you

I’m fairly sure she can do it out of ear shot of the kids if she wishes.

luckylavender · 07/03/2020 17:40

I'd 100% tell her to stop. It would really annoy me. Also don't think it's that hygienic which is important.

JennyWoodentop · 07/03/2020 17:41

You should channel the assertiveness you have shown towards
Grumpelstilskin from your keyboard into real life interactions with your friend. There are plenty of polite non aggressive ways to tell her to stop as other posters have given you examples. I think telling lies about worms or other illnesses in your kids is a cop out. Just tell her she needs to order her own food as going forward you won't be letting her steal yours or your kids.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/03/2020 17:41

At the counter "Are you sure that is all you are ordering?" When she says yes, say "I don't want you taking the dc food

Do this - ir really isn't fair on your children,.

lynzpynz · 07/03/2020 17:42

Would not accept this and certainly wouldn't be making up (temporary) excuses as this is a long term problem. Needs nipped in the bud.

If you really can't be strong enough to say to her firmly then the suggestion to ask her to stop taking off your plates as teaching the kids bad manners and lack of boundaries sounds a good one. Failing that get the kids on board if they're old enough as well as they won't be shy in telling her to stop thieving their food! Definately don't get sharing food items either, this makes it far easier for her as sounds almost tapas type food doesn't help the situation.

SudokuQueen · 07/03/2020 17:42

How spineless are you? If someone tried to take my halloumi fries, they'd be losing a hand.

Just tell her to buy her own food. If she is rich, this is how rich people stay rich. They don't spend their own money! Make her buy her own food, call her out on it.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2020 17:43

People say “ oh just say to her” but in reality it’s actually very difficult to do so, it’s not as simple as it seems. As said, I know someone who did this and it was really uncomfortable and you don’t wish to cause offence, even though you know their behaviour is what’s wrong.

I get why the ops not said anything, it’s actually difficult in reality.