To feel I've failed 4 year old and hindered her development?

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My DD is close in age to my friend's DD by a couple of months. Her DD can already spell her own name, has a fantastic memory and knows the phonetic alphabet.

My DD cant spell her own name, cant always remember letter sounds and is behind with her numbers as she cant get past 30.

The main difference I see between the two is that my DD is still with a childminder whilst friends DD is in nursery. I thought I made the right decision having DD with a childminder as I wanted her in a home environment and surrounded by children of differing ages. My DD is the oldest at the childminder right now ans mostly plays with toddlers.

I'm hoping she can catch up once she starts school in September and expect to read reports that shes behind for her age.

Are there any things I can do now to help her to prepare her for school?

She's 4. The best thing you can do for her is not compare her to other kids.

Just leave her be and stop comparing her.

Dear god she is 4. Get a grip and stop with the comparing.... she isn't even in school yet

I thought you were going to say she couldn't talk or something. Counting and letters is what school is for!

Seriously, calm down. You have a long road ahead of your DD being better or worse at stuff than other kids.

Children develop at different rates - don’t compare! 4 is still little and there’s plenty of time. She won’t be the oldest.

It’s not a race and I’m sure there are things that she does that the other children doesn’t yet.

Relax!

School want children to be able to use the toilet, put their own clothes/shoes on, hang coats up, sit nicely, listen, do as they are asked, speak with manners, hold a knife and fork.

The rest will come later

Main school readiness things are that they are toilet trained, able to dress themselves, able to feed themselves, able to follow simple instructions. Share lots of books and spend time talking to her to improve vocabulary and feed her curiosity about the world. They will do loads of phonics in YR.

My DD went to nursery and couldn’t do that at 4. You haven’t failed her at all. She will catch up.

Stop being so competitive! 4 year olds who aren’t even at school don’t need to count to 30, spell their names or know the phonetic alphabet . She’s in no way “behind”

You’re not doing your child any favours by comparing her to others.

She's 4 and not in school. My 5 year old is in reception and can't write her name or blend/segment simple words yet. She started not knowing any phonics. However she is happy.

End of reception expectations is numbers to 10/20.

Stop comparing children, a happy child will thrive once in school.

Your choices aren't worse, there are lots of reasons to choose a childminder rather than a nursery. I imagine it will all even out in reception, or do some work at home with her. Dc are all different!

She’s not even at school yet, so she definitely isn’t behind. Honestly don’t worry, if you want to prepare her for school you’d be better making sure she can dress and undress herself, use cutlery, go to the toilet on her own, wipe properly and wash her hands without any help. Ensure she can speak up to the teachers if she’s unwell or upset, needs the toilet etc.
In terms of writing her name etc I’d concentrate on things like playing with play dough and drawing etc to strengthen her grip to hold a pencil.

She will be fine, school will get her racing ad doing phonetics in no time! How can you assume her reports will say she’s behind at the stage?
The other child sounds particularly advanced For 4 and that’s not a criticism of yours, just stop comparing or you’ll drive yourself mad!

Reading not racing!

As a childminder, it’s definitely not because your child is with a childminder and your friends child is at nursery. In my setting, it’s usually the other way around, depending on the nursery they attend. The children who attend nursery usually get a lot less one on one time to learn things like numbers and spellings, whereas a childminder can go at your child’s speed. Some children are really interested in letters and numbers, some aren’t. Why don’t you ask to see your child’s tracker and next steps and have a chat with your childminder. School readiness is more about can your child use the toilet independently, wash hands, sit nicely on the carpet, listen to others, solve conflicts without aggression, wait for their turn in a line, ask adults for help if needed etc.

Different DC do things at different times. If she can do as pp said re toilet etc then stop worrying.

Otherwise, read with her but parents should be doing that anyway.

You're concerned because your 4 year old can't count past 30?

Jeez. Leave her alone and let her be a kid. There's only a few months until she'll be in school.

As long as she's happy that's the main thing.

Cross posted with loads of others!

School readiness is about being independent, sociable, confident and good at communicating. Are they creative, cooperative, will they persevere when they meet challenges.
Details like what number they can count too and which letter sounds they have memorised are pretty low down the list of important skills at this point.

Me and a friend had our daughters 2 weeks apart. My daughter was crawling and walking by nine months while my friends daughter wasn't mobile but could speak. All children develop at their own Rate and can only develop one area at a time. Just love her and keep telling her she is amazing so she grows up loving herself! ❤️

In terms of child development it is all about social and emotional skills at this age. Can she share, can she play with her peers (ISH ) is she beginning to manage disappointment, waiting, listening to a story, etc etc....Lots of countries hold off formal reading and writing until 7. Dc1 wasn't even mark making at 4, I'm fairly sure there was no counting going on (because he was 4). He's now at secondary and is excelling....My mum who was a teacher refused to do any formal stuff with me before school, it didn't hurt (I am now Dr Hettie....). Stop and breath and enjoy your 4 year old and continue with your lovely childminder.

All children develop at different rates. All she will be expected that be able to do before starting school is take herself to the toilet, get her coat and shoes on and off, open her lunch box and packets of drink etc. Also follow instructions most times, sit and listen to a story in a group, and interact nicely with other children.
The school will have no expectations that she will be able to read or write. If she can recognise her name written down that's great, cos she will be able to find her peg, but they will almost certainly have pictures as well to help her.

She isn’t behind, she isn’t even at school yet.

Honestly, it’s fine, stop comparing and worrying yourself. It serves no purpose and doesn’t help you or her.

She doesn’t sound “behind” to me, for a pre-schooler.

Children are different. Some get captivated by letters and/or numbers, some don’t. You’re probably right about the other child being taught more formally in nursery, but letters and numbers are by no means the priority for pre-schoolers. Socialising and co-operating are far more important.

Don’t worry - the school will let you know how she's getting on.

I really wouldn’t worry, she’s only 4, there’s plenty of time for her to learn these things.

Loads of kids start school with no concept of letters at all, your dd won’t be unusual and I’m sure she’ll pick it up quickly. It’s handy for them to be able to recognise their name so they know which is their peg etc, but that’s all really.

Of my two dds, dd1 only knew a few letters and could just about write her name starting school, dd2 could read and write loads. By y1 dd1 was further ahead than dd2 age for age, got higher SATs results and is in higher sets at secondary. Being able to do these things early is no indication of future brilliance. (Disclaimer, this is nothing against dd2, she is bright, creative, and an all around wonderful kid, she is also more confident than dd1, her sister is just very very academic).