No kids out-of-town wedding, no kids after-wedding brunch...on Mother's Day?!

[WombOfOnesOwn]

I'm in the US, so I think our dates for Mother's Day are a bit different.

We've been invited to the wedding of one of my husband's closest friends from when he was younger. I really adore this friend, though have never met his wife-to-be. The wedding is in a destination requiring 6 hours of flights each way for us, but it was a no-brainer that we'd go. The groom was one of the groomsmen in our wedding, after all!

The wedding has been scheduled for Mother's Day weekend. And no children are allowed at the ceremony or reception on Saturday, or the rehearsal or dinner on Friday. Now it turns out there's also a Sunday brunch on Mother's Day, again with no children invited.

Nearly all the groomsmen have children; I have no idea about the bride's side.

What once seemed like an obvious wedding to go to has become a huge problem: to go, we will need to either figure out hotel childcare in a strange city for events ranging over 3 days, or leave the children with my MIL while I totally miss them even being awake on Mother's Day and just have to go to work on Monday morning as usual, after a cross-country flight where I get back only in time to give my kids a kiss when they're sleeping. It guts me. They're only 4 and 2, I haven't had that many Mother's Days, and I'm pregnant again.

AIBU to think this is a very strange weekend to have a wedding and especially a post-wedding brunch that the wedding party is expected to attend, if you're not allowing children and much of the wedding party has chidren?

I find myself feeling quite frustrated with them for these restrictions, and even though I know it's their wedding and their choice, asking people to be in your wedding party at a travel cost of thousands of dollars, then ensuring that they spend their mother's day brunch with the wedding party and not their kids, seems very strange and selfish to me.

[ancientgran]

Just realised it is a zombie thread! I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day/birthday/Easter this year. We all need something fun after the last year.

[endlesswicker]

The Mothers Day thing wouldn't bother me at all. It probably didn't even occur to the bride and groom if they don't have kids

But surely they both have mothers...?

[MrBullinaChinaShop]

@poppymatilda

I wouldn't care about the mother's day thing but DH and I couldn't go to this wedding as we don't have anyone who could take care of DD for us for a long weekend. What are wedding guests in our situation supposed to do?

Decline the invitation 🤷🏻‍♀️

[SilverBirchWithout]

I think the Mother’s Day aspect is a bit of a red-herring. If you’re childless I can see you could easily book the date without realising.
Would you still be happy to go without the children if it wasn’t that particular weekend?
I understand why people want to organise child-free weddings, but they do cause problems for friends and family with young children - I think that’s the main question here.
You need to work out what you want to do - if you want do go to the wedding and would hate to miss it, go and celebrate Mother’s Day on another day. Your children are so young it wouldn’t be an issue.
If Mother’s Day if important don’t go, although it’s unlikely to be the same without DH orchestrating the children!
How does MIL feel about missing her Mother’s Day and being expected to step-up looking after your DC?

[ShrewYou]

When I lived abroad I had Mother’s Day on the uk Mothering Sunday date instead on purpose so that I was able to have it at a different time from everyone else.

It’s your own dc that you want to appreciate you and make you feel special and you don’t get that from special Mother’s Day menus.

[SilverBirchWithout]

Whoops! Zombie thread 😳

[YoniAndGuy]

I wouldn't care at all that it was Mother's Day but at 4 and 2 I'd probably just miss the whole thing tbh. Far too much hassle, husband can go on his own.

[notalwaysalondoner]

Frankly those without children probably don’t care about Mother’s Day, and many parents don’t either especially when the children are so young so any fuss that’s made is entirely driven by you. So I don’t think picking that weekend for a child free wedding is unreasonable, it’s more a child free wedding when many of your friends have children and live hours away is unreasonable. I would personally go and leave them with MIL, you can do a Mother’s Day fuss the following weekend if you want, the kids won’t have a clue.

[diddl]

@datasgingercatspot

People tie themselves in knots enabling wanky weddings. I wouldn't go to this at all. It's too bloody far for a weekend, expensive and you have no childcare. If I were your H I wouldn't go, either. 'Sorry, no childcare'.

Surprised it took someone so long to say this.

Sounds too difficult to me as well with all the travelling & time difference.

Fair enough if someone wants a childfree wedding.

When it involves a weekend though, guests with kids may have to decline.

[TheLeadbetterLife]

People having over the top, inconvenient weddings is to my mind the exact same phenomenon as people making a big song and dance about minor events like Mother's Day. Hallmarked / Instagrammed up the wazoo.

If every other weekend has an untouchable Special Day, no-one can schedule anything that doesn't clash.

[diddl]

Bloody buggering Zombie.

Why do people ignore the "warning" & post on them FFS?

[Frazzled2207]

I think they clearly don't have children so
a. don't realise that people can't easily leave children behind for a whole weekend (a one day job is usually doable)
b. don't really 'do' mother's day. TBH we never really have in our family. It's just a day and it can be moved, unlike the wedding. I willingly went to a wedding of one of my husband's friends on my 30th birthday.

However a. makes things very tricky indeed. if it were me I'd either ideally send children to their grandparents and reschedule mother's day, or if that wasn't possibly just send my husband.

[TheLeadbetterLife]

@diddl

Bloody buggering Zombie.

Why do people ignore the "warning" & post on them FFS?

I didn't see a warning - where does it appear?

Sorry for bumping the zombie thread... again...

[Blondeshavemorefun]

@WombOfOnesOwn

Oh wow! Yes, zombie thread. The lovely couple in question married in a small civil ceremony after covid cancelled this wedding. Mother's Day turned out to be quite a locked down affair, which I'd have minded more had I not been pregnant and cranky.

indeed bloody covid stopping weddings

congrats on no 3

[ExcusesAndAccusations]

Thanks for coming back and updating the ZT OP. Do you now have an adorable baby? Good luck for a lovely/chaotic and noisy Mother’s Day with all three of them this year.

[ddl1]

I am a little surprised that big weddings and non-urgent long-distance travel are even possible at this time, but I'm probably being Anglocentric. In any case: I think that to expect people with families to travel long-distance to their wedding, while keeping it child-free, is a little U of them. It's up to them, but they should not take offence if people can't come. However, I think it's a little U of you to expect them to avoid clashes with Mother's Day, especially given all the other logistical constraints that people usually have for such events. I would have a bit more sympathy for someone wishing to spend the day with their own elderly mother; but preschool kids who won't know the date, or be able to make or buy presents or give you breakfast in bed, etc.? You can celebrate on a different day.

[ddl1]

Oh. OK, I'm a twit - this is from a year ago; no wonder! Oh to be back in non-lockdown times!

[FoonySpucker]

It's a ZOMBIE thread folks.

The original OP has provided an update this afternoon and the couple in question are now married (seeing as the original post is a year old)

[Shwubberwy]

if you want mother's day with your kids, miss the wedding. They are nbu to have their wedding when they want to or to have it as a childfree event – it's about them, not you

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I'd just be sending my husband, I'd be worn out when I got back then straight into a busy week at work.

I get the whole 'plan the wedding you want' thing but a destination wedding 4 hours from an airport is inconsiderate for all the non local guests.

[diddl]

"I didn't see a warning - where does it appear?"

"Sorry for bumping the zombie thread... again..."

The first person to "resurrect" it will have seen it & decided to post anyway.

Then it can just appear in active & unless you check the date on the OP, you won't notice that it's an old one that has been brouht back to life.

[RedToothBrush]

I don't get the angst about Mother's Day. Its a load of utter commericalised bollocks. How about appreciating mothers all year around rather than being a misgynostic day of 'here's your flowers Mum so I can shit on you the other 364 days of the year guilt free'.

Either go to the sodding wedding or don't go if you don't like the terms and conditions which might make it inconvenient.

Otherwise this 'Its not fair because I'm not the centre of attention on my alloted designated day and can't cope with the idea of doing it on another day' bollocks is pretty self absorbed.

[Figgyboa]

YABU...there will be plenty more Mother's Day, your friend only gets married once, hopefully!! Sounds like your romanatizing Mother's Day, you can easily celebrate it the following weekend.

[AlexCabot]

Once again for those at the back.
ZOMBIE THREAD.

The wedding has already happened.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Are people really that bothered about Mother's day though?