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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No kids out-of-town wedding, no kids after-wedding brunch...on Mother's Day?!

158 replies

WombOfOnesOwn · 06/03/2020 20:32

I'm in the US, so I think our dates for Mother's Day are a bit different.

We've been invited to the wedding of one of my husband's closest friends from when he was younger. I really adore this friend, though have never met his wife-to-be. The wedding is in a destination requiring 6 hours of flights each way for us, but it was a no-brainer that we'd go. The groom was one of the groomsmen in our wedding, after all!

The wedding has been scheduled for Mother's Day weekend. And no children are allowed at the ceremony or reception on Saturday, or the rehearsal or dinner on Friday. Now it turns out there's also a Sunday brunch on Mother's Day, again with no children invited.

Nearly all the groomsmen have children; I have no idea about the bride's side.

What once seemed like an obvious wedding to go to has become a huge problem: to go, we will need to either figure out hotel childcare in a strange city for events ranging over 3 days, or leave the children with my MIL while I totally miss them even being awake on Mother's Day and just have to go to work on Monday morning as usual, after a cross-country flight where I get back only in time to give my kids a kiss when they're sleeping. It guts me. They're only 4 and 2, I haven't had that many Mother's Days, and I'm pregnant again.

AIBU to think this is a very strange weekend to have a wedding and especially a post-wedding brunch that the wedding party is expected to attend, if you're not allowing children and much of the wedding party has chidren?

I find myself feeling quite frustrated with them for these restrictions, and even though I know it's their wedding and their choice, asking people to be in your wedding party at a travel cost of thousands of dollars, then ensuring that they spend their mother's day brunch with the wedding party and not their kids, seems very strange and selfish to me.

OP posts:
BlackBirdOfChernobyl · 02/03/2021 12:10

Maybe the bride chose the date for her own mother? I can't understand why no-one has thought of this.

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 02/03/2021 12:12

@BlackBirdOfChernobyl

Maybe the bride chose the date for her own mother? I can't understand why no-one has thought of this.
Why have you posted on a year old thread about a wedding that has (hopefully!) already taken place? Confused
Viviennemary · 02/03/2021 12:14

I wouldn't go. Sounds like a massive expense and hassle. But I wouldn't let the fact thst it's mother's day influence my decision.

kooked · 02/03/2021 12:16

Zombie Thread 🧟‍♂️**

AtSwimTwoBerts · 02/03/2021 12:16

It's not at all a weird day to pick, most people don't care about the commercialised Hallmark bullshit that is Mothers Day.

You don't want to go so don't go. Don't pretend its their fault for scheduling it when they want it.

VinylDetective · 02/03/2021 12:18

@Tokenismjest

A weekend away with your partner sacrificed for a day that your kids know nothing about? Go and enjoy yourself for god’s sake!
This! It’s no contest.
BirdsRoundandRound · 02/03/2021 12:25

Zombie thread - but interested to know whether the wedding happened at all given the global situation that escalated shortly after!

Covidweddingday · 02/03/2021 12:41

Get yourself a child free weekend having fun at the wedding then celebrate mothers day the week after. Isn't it really up to your husband to make mothers day a special treat for you - and if he goes alone it will just be you and your 2 young children. Imagine how you'll feel when they are having a tantrum/demanding you do something when you had the chance of a day off?!

AlexCabot · 02/03/2021 12:51

ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD

Although I do wonder if the wedding went ahead, given the Covid situation?

But it's still a ZOMBIE THREAD!!!

SeasonFinale · 02/03/2021 12:56

Mother's Day is a much bigger thing in the US than it is in the UK which is why the answers are as they are. But I think in view of how you feel then you should just rsvp "no" if you don't want to go on the basis of how the groom and bride want their wedding to be. As you quiote rightly say it is their wedding and their decision regarding the wedding but they should also expect some nos on that basis too.

Sooverthis1 · 02/03/2021 13:00

Tbh I just wouldn't go or just one of you go and have a lovely weekend solo! Our family don't do babysitting so we just swapped over for weddings and went solo. I wouldn't leave small children with a random babysitter for a night or two. I think childfree weddings are a choice and fair enough but can't stand it when the same couples then have kids and expect different rules when they do!
We are 36 and had kids in our late 20's /v early 30's close together and lost count of all the "childfree" events, now we are more free and doing lots of things and our friends have newborns at 37 etc and are miffed if their babies etc aren't invited to events. Short memories there...

FoonySpucker · 02/03/2021 13:02

@SeasonFinale But I think in view of how you feel then you should just rsvp "no"

What, a whole year later?

SeasonFinale · 02/03/2021 13:06

[quote FoonySpucker]**@SeasonFinale* But I think in view of how you feel then you should just rsvp "no" *

What, a whole year later?[/quote]
Oh dear! Wonder whether she went Grin

Bloody ZOMBIE threads!

EL8888 · 02/03/2021 13:08

“It’s not odd to have the wedding then at all as it’s spring and if they don’t have dc, they probably didn’t think about Mother’s Day”

Yeah this basically. Fair enough if they want a child free wedding and Mother’s Day isn’t a priority for some people

TheyIsMyFamily · 02/03/2021 13:18

I wouldn't go, tbh. Perhaps send my DH if we could EASILY afford it without giving up family things. But otherwise, decline politely.

I would explain why if asked (just say it's too expensive for your family at this time) but not otherwise.

emmathedilemma · 02/03/2021 13:25

@user1494182820

Who cares this much about mother's day? It's just a day.
This!! But imagine the void on instagram #soblessed ;)

Most people i know would jump at the chance of a 3 day party without their kids if a relative was willing to babysit them! I think you're being overly precious about a commercial day.

Derbee · 02/03/2021 13:25

I would never go away and leave my 2 and 4 year old for a weekend.

But you went away for a week, when they were 1 and 3, so you are clearly ok leaving them sometimes.

So go to the wedding. If your husband goes, and you spend Mother’s Day on your own with 2 small children, it won’t be the pampered celebration that you’re wanting. It will be exhausting, whilst also resenting the fact that your husband is away having fun on Mother’s Day whilst you look after the children alone.

EpiphanySoul1 · 02/03/2021 13:28

@WombOfOnesOwn if your MIL is very good would you invite her to come with you? She could mind the children while you’re at the wedding and brunch otherwise you have a nice weekend away somewhere different as a family? From what I remember US weddings aren’t that long compared to U.K. ones - what time does it start at? And what time is the brunch? You could have a special Mother’s Day breakfast in bed before it or a nice dinner afterward.

Original poster
WombOfOnesOwn · 02/03/2021 13:35

Oh wow! Yes, zombie thread. The lovely couple in question married in a small civil ceremony after covid cancelled this wedding. Mother's Day turned out to be quite a locked down affair, which I'd have minded more had I not been pregnant and cranky.

OP posts:
Changeismyname · 02/03/2021 13:44

Just delay celebrating Mother’s Day and skip the brunch - 3 days of celebrations is too much.

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 02/03/2021 13:47

@datasgingercatspot

People tie themselves in knots enabling wanky weddings. I wouldn't go to this at all. It's too bloody far for a weekend, expensive and you have no childcare. If I were your H I wouldn't go, either. 'Sorry, no childcare'.
This
nancywhitehead · 02/03/2021 13:53

Yes it's inconsiderate of them to have the wedding as childfree when people with children need to travel a long way, and especially on Mothers Day weekend (although maybe they didn't check that when they booked it)

You will probably get a lot of sympathy on mumsnet as a lot of people here are in favour of children!

Me and fiance aren't married yet (wedding cancelled twice due to Covid!) but when it finally happens we are having all their friends and all their children too! Many have to travel and it was not even on our radar to not invite children - they are part of our friends/family groups just as much as anyone else! I think weddings should be inclusive but I know not everyone sees it that way.

ancientgran · 02/03/2021 13:55

The Gods seem to be lining up against you enjoying Mother's Day or your birthday so springing a different date on them might work out better. What about having a big family celebration for Easter?

Of course it depends how much you'd enjoy the wedding, I love a good excuse to miss a wedding but obviously we are all different.

I do hope you manage to celebrate something this year without flood, sewage or tears.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 02/03/2021 13:55

Mother's Day is a load of bullshit, but they are being unreasonable expecting you to get childcare for an entire weekend, having flown long-distance. We had a mainly CF wedding ourselves, for reasons of space, and I have got nothing against them in principle, but you can't expect people to leave young kids in a hotel with an unknown babysitter for 2.5 days. You have either got to let them come to the wedding, which is what we did for anyone coming long-distance, or you provide childcare at the event.

delightfuldaisy19 · 02/03/2021 13:56

You're being a bit precious. It's only Mother's Day - there will be loads more of them. If you're that bothered then do something special the weekend after,

Make the most of a child free weekend. Get really drunk, dance all night and have a massive lie in.

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