No kids out-of-town wedding, no kids after-wedding brunch...on Mother's Day?!

[WombOfOnesOwn]

I'm in the US, so I think our dates for Mother's Day are a bit different.

We've been invited to the wedding of one of my husband's closest friends from when he was younger. I really adore this friend, though have never met his wife-to-be. The wedding is in a destination requiring 6 hours of flights each way for us, but it was a no-brainer that we'd go. The groom was one of the groomsmen in our wedding, after all!

The wedding has been scheduled for Mother's Day weekend. And no children are allowed at the ceremony or reception on Saturday, or the rehearsal or dinner on Friday. Now it turns out there's also a Sunday brunch on Mother's Day, again with no children invited.

Nearly all the groomsmen have children; I have no idea about the bride's side.

What once seemed like an obvious wedding to go to has become a huge problem: to go, we will need to either figure out hotel childcare in a strange city for events ranging over 3 days, or leave the children with my MIL while I totally miss them even being awake on Mother's Day and just have to go to work on Monday morning as usual, after a cross-country flight where I get back only in time to give my kids a kiss when they're sleeping. It guts me. They're only 4 and 2, I haven't had that many Mother's Days, and I'm pregnant again.

AIBU to think this is a very strange weekend to have a wedding and especially a post-wedding brunch that the wedding party is expected to attend, if you're not allowing children and much of the wedding party has chidren?

I find myself feeling quite frustrated with them for these restrictions, and even though I know it's their wedding and their choice, asking people to be in your wedding party at a travel cost of thousands of dollars, then ensuring that they spend their mother's day brunch with the wedding party and not their kids, seems very strange and selfish to me.

[mellicauli]

Why don't you celebrate a UK Mothers Day this year? (22nd March).
YOu'll find the restaurants less crowded and the food a better standard.
They can draw you a Mothers Day card any time.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Forget the flights.

Forget mothers day

Forget the fucking wanky 3 day wedding.

RSVP "Sorry, cannot attend"

Bride - WHY?!

You - I dont want to.

End. Of.

[IdleLiz]

The Mother's Day thing is ridiculous.

But traveling so far for a childfree wedding would be too much for me.

[izzywizzygood]

Mumsnet problems... thank your lucky stars you don't live in the real world DarlingPoster.

[yikesanotherbooboo]

I couldn't care less about the
Mother's Day issue. Child free weddings where people have to travel and stay the night are a pain . If you don't mind leaving your children with the family then go to the wedding and have a nice family weekend another time.

[JustInCaseCakeHappens]

izzywizzygood
why are you posting the exact same sentence on different threads?

[RhymingRabbit3]

I wouldnt be bothered about mothers day. Your kids are too small to know what it is, so you can just celebrate it the following weekend or something.

However I wouldnt be happy to leave my young children for 3 days and 2 nights to go so far away.

[user1471590586]

You should celebrate the following weekend. Restaurants won't be as busy and prices will probably be cheaper. Or celebrate it on the UK date, the 22nd of March.

[choli]

We probably could. Nowhere will have the special mother's day menus

Which are usually crap with fewer selections, overpriced and overcrowded. You could have a much nicer Mother's Day of your own.

[lunar1]

I wouldn't be going to a three day child free wedding! I don't think you are unreasonable for wanting to spend Mother's Day with your husband and children.

[IdleLiz]

Nowhere will have the special mother's day menus

That reads in a Kevin the teenager stamp my foot voice.

[cochineal7]

Take the UK mother’s day.

[SewItGoes]

No, it's not the biggest problem in the world, but YANBU to be disappointed. And while the new couple may not yet have children, most likely they have/had mothers and are familiar with the concept of Mother's Day. I'm over 40 with no kids of my own, but I still notice it on the calendar and make sure I get my mother a little something every Mother's Day.

OP, you're not unreasonable to be disappointed, but if your husband does attend the wedding, you'll just have to celebrate either before or after. You may miss out on special menus, etc., but you can still have a good time.

[Pukkatea]

1. People saying they wouldn't know if they don't have DC - they presumably have DMs, so of course they would know. However, is the US the same as the UK in that the date isn't always the same? Could they have just not clocked if planning say a year in advance?

1. I actually really feel for your self pity party. Yes it's silly but I really relate to your feelings of losing out on special moments you see other people getting. Don't have any wisdom other than:

1. What PPs have said - make your own special moments, if you wait for them to fall to you then life will always, as you have found, get in the way and lead to disappointment. Change the date and have a great mother's day another time. Get DH in on making it special. The day is important to you, so make it happen however possible.

[JustInCaseCakeHappens]

People saying they wouldn't know if they don't have DC - they presumably have DMs, so of course they would know.

I have kids, and I never know! Who actually remembers mothers' day until you see an advert or get an email from the school a week or so before it?

Presumably the wedding has been organised more than a week in advance

[LargeGinOnTap]

I'd go to the weddings sans kids then celebrate Mother's Day the previous or next weekend. Maybe give your mums a big bunch of flowers for babysitting.

---- but actually go for a meal some other time when the restaurants aren't full of dutiful children doing the right thing and those children who aren't dutiful screaming their heads off and being brats

[AGoodPodcastAndANiceCupOfTea]

It wouldn't bother me to go to a wedding on Mother's Day - it's not my thing anyway - but it would bother me to go to a child-free wedding a flight away without my dc and I would decline. They don't want children at their wedding but we now come with kids so I'd be leaving them to it. I'm happy enough to arrange a sitter for an evening but I didn't become a mother so that I could continue to live my child-free life so a whole weekend is currently just not possible and I couldn't care less who that upsets.

[Caterinaballerina]

I felt quite sad for you thinking about missing Mother’s Day but then the common sense advice of just having your own day a weekend early or late makes so much sense. It sounds like you do have a lot of enthusiasm for this wedding so I think you just need DH fully enlisted into making your alternate Mother’s Day a lovely day then you can enjoy both events.

[WombOfOnesOwn]

It does make sense, but it's the idea that so many years, it's getting pushed to the back burner, rescheduled, unscheduled. "Just change the day" is fine for one year, just not 3 out of 4 Mother's Days so far!

Maybe next time I'll book a vacation that's unbreakable -- anyone else tries to impinge on the time, I'll just snarl and growl!

While I understand that some people would adore a childfree weekend away, it's not our style. We love being with our kids more than anything and it's honestly not our idea of a good time to be without them. We know not everyone feels the same and don't expect them to, but trust me when I say that it doesn't sound refreshing or freeing.

[BlueEyedPersephone]

If he was a groomsman at your wedding but you have not met the bride, maybe this is the couples way of making it that you value the friendship more than they do, is your dh a groomsman?

[BlueEyedPersephone]

Making it clear- stupid no edit feature

[Averyyounggrandmaofsix]

I wouldn't go to a three day child free wedding thats a six hour flight away.

[TerrorWig]

I think you're being a bit silly about the Mother's Day thing. It's made up, and even if you really really want to celebrate it, you'll have years of them.

It sounds like you really want to go and the travel and cost is not an issue for you - I think a child-free wedding when there's a long journey is not fair (and I probably wouldn't do it) but if you have family to leave the children with, then do it.

[poppymatilda]

I wouldn't care about the mother's day thing but DH and I couldn't go to this wedding as we don't have anyone who could take care of DD for us for a long weekend. What are wedding guests in our situation supposed to do?

[Becles]

If so many have kids, why not arrange for three or four childcare people between you to take care of the kids ober the weekend while you enjoy.